Sometimes, listening is all that is needed.....  not advice or what others may deem as help,  but just the courtesy and implicit respect of a fellow human being who cares about us enough to just listen to what we are thinking and feeling - without imposition or accusational judgment of us.

I speak of all this from having walked, myself, through the valley of the shadow of death where I too, sought such release from despair and pain. So I believe that my own experience, as well as the sharing of countless therapy sessions with many, many ~others~ hospitalized during the times I was a patient myself, have qualified me to share my thoughts, opinions and first-hand experience here regarding suicidal compulsion. If I were to sum up what I hope you will hear and understand here, it would be... "Listening to the person... allowing them to share their innermost pain, despair and fears which have become overwhelming, can do so much more to ~help~ than rushing them off to therapy and drugs!"

What say we then, to our youth? Perchance that they dare to speak of personal perceptions of despair and unendurable pain of their existence.... we are horrified and immediately tell them that they need therapy! "Something is wrong with those thoughts and feelings and you must be fixed!" We tell <admonish> them this, so that they will cease having these thoughts and feelings which discomfort us to face! They do NOT stop having them though, they only stop revealing them! Already suffering from more pain, confusion and isolation than they can bear, they do not have strength to deal with our reaction on top of it all! And so, pushed down and contained.... the enticement of suicide grows.

<excerpted from another page here at our site ---> I am hoping that you may see and remember that our youth face a very different perception from our own. Youth is filled with ~absolutes~ such as "always & never" and they live in a world so complex and stress-filled that they need to be able to relate their feelings and thoughts without criticism and/or exhortations to see things in other ways than what they experience on their own. Life is an unfolding and growth of understanding in which we come to comprehend ourselves and make our individual adjustments to the environment of peers and circumstances around us.

Is it a wonder then, that they do not dare to discuss those "taboo" feelings and thoughts which then fester and grow in the darkness of secrecy and solitude and sometimes lead to the discovery of a body and a tragedy amidst which the friends and family all speak of their disbelief and total shock that their loved one could & would do such a thing. All want to know and understand how and why - once the deed is done. But where is the listening heart and mind before such irreversible fate befalls them by such an act of choice?

Oh, parents, friends and family! Listen. P-L-E-A-S-E! Open your eyes and your hearts and your minds to despairs' lamenting! Be there to care and understand - not condemn and make it a crime to speak of it all..... There is a way to help - but it is not in condemnation and labeling with accusations of yet more "failure to measure up" to some ~Normal~ which defies definition by means of judgments made by others who have set themselves up as authorities on what Normal is for one and all! There is no "NORMAL" ! It is a non-existent categorical definition because it depends upon the relativity of so many variables that it cannot be set in any "concrete" form or measurement.

Suicides' temptation is strongest when one feels alone in the midst of others!

I wonder how many of us would last in todays' school environment? Or in the world itself, fresh from parental security and sheltering and into the harsh struggle of societies demands just to survive without sacrificing our individuality or compromising our integrity to do so?

As MAD MAX has said,
"Just because we think about suicide,
doesn't mean we are planning to do it!

What it usually means is that life has become acutely unbearable and you don't know what else to do. Should that bring a death penalty punishment? What alternatives do we offer when the only choice seems to be to live & suffer - or escape by death? How can we reach out and help? Try listening and compassion. 
Let your goal be to hear them, not to ~Fix~ them!

By,  Nina Roberta Baker

"Mad Max" Poetry
written by a 16-year-old in High School


lost in deserted alleys
trapped in crowded halls
there's nothing I can do now
my back's against the wall
life grows slowly fainter
I watch the flames flicker and die
and search for some forbidden answer
in this dark and stormy sky
I keep thinking the same thing
there is no other way out
in these few remaining hours
there is no room for doubt
I'll drown in my own sorrows
for this is the final stage
all I have to do now
is turn the final page
if only you knew how sad I am
with this hollow heart of mine
but it won't last for long
for tonight with death I dine
the decision is so simple
I have nothing to lose or gain
I wish I could tell you how helpless I am
but I fear I've gone insane
I feel so ravaged
my mind is broken and torn
I think of all the countless times
I wish I'd never been born
but this is how it ends for me
the final countdown has begun
I draw the knife so smoothly
and behold the deed is done
I whisper a faint good-bye
and feel the gushing pain
watch the blood run through my fingers
from such fragile little veins
may God find grace to forgive me
if there is a God at all
he never answers any questions
or heard my desperate call
my reasons were too many
now it's too late to explain
just remember the tears I cried
the tears of fluorescent rain



Broken bodies, twisted limbs
slashed and burning skin
life is slowly conquering me
I know I'll never win
laughing so hysterically
but wanting so much to cry
there's no sense in trying now
I just want to die
I want death to embrace me
there is no choice to make
I want to leave this word behind me
a world that's grown so fake
gruesome acts of violence
that no human should ever know
have planted themselves inside my mind
and there they fester and grow
darkness is a welcome friend
with the end of life so near
abut there's nothing left inside me now
just this hollow, gnawing fear
I'll scream till death releases me
I pray that time is near
the reaper stands above me
silhouetted against the moon
all I have is misery
I'm left swimming in the dark
so cold and dead the water feels
like the interior of my heart
I have just one last ride to take
the passenger in a hearse
but even hell is better than
life on this turbulent earth

by "MAD MAX"


Maybe you remember me
for I was in your class
you and your friends walked all over me
as if I were a patch of grass
but don't be worried
if you can't remember my name
I haven't effected your life
everything's still the same
maybe you remember me
I tried to talk to you in school
but you wanted nothing to do with me
for my presence made you feel uncool
none of you can imagine
how I hated all of you
you never stopped to think
of all the damage your words could do
I'm sure you must remember
I lived with you for 16 years
but I caused you so much grief
and in the end so many tears
but don't blame yourself for what happened
the decision was mine to make
besides, I knew that all your emotions
were simply just a fake
how well I remember that night
when I made the choice to leave
and when it was all over
no one really grieved
in the darkness that follows death
you have lots of time to think
how you've finally broken lifes' chains
and shattered every link
in my heart I know it's over
and at last I'm finally free
but it still hurts inside
that no one remembers me

by "MAD MAX"


We cry to the statues
with their unhearing ears
we cry to the statues
which shed no tears
but people need someone to confide in
someone to listen to their fears
somebody tell me
what hope is there now
destruction lies all around
death is on the prowl
people may say they're fine
but sooner or later
we all cross that white line
things don't get better
they only get worse
we all live forever
under lifes' eternal curse
lifes' symmetry of design
leads down a road
the horrors of which
are too terrible to define
faces I have seen
filled with hate and fear
all these emotions
bring us close but never near
I was told that when the storm passed
all things would be clear
but it's just another lie
I've heard them all before
which leads me to the conclusion
I'll soon be knocking,
knocking on deaths' door

by "MAD MAX"

Master Index
Eric Lee Baker Family & Friends
E-Mail About Me <bio>