From: (Chris Hunter)
Subject: pansies
I just thought you mght like to know .I really enjoyed you poem and music backround on pansies. I am also a lover of that flower plus many others.I also write poetry so found it to be very interesting. I ran across it quit by accident . thank you. ~ Have a great day.From our house to yours.

Hello Chris; Thank you for writing to share your appreciation. Since you write poetry also - perhaps you would share with me! *S* ~ Do you have a Homepage? ~ Our Pansies this year are the best ever! I hope that you get to grow them at your home?
Yours because I'm His, your GYPSY, (Nina)

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From: "syd"
I wish you peace, I know this is difficult as I, too, have suffered the loss of my husband nine months ago at age 41. ~ He left me his most precious gift two little girls to raise. It has given me purpose but each and every day I wish for him to be here and guide me in life and feel he is. I pray you have a purpose, something you can hang on to as time goes by. Your words were beautiful and helped me a lot, for this I thank you dear lady. God Bless you

Dear Syd; I hope that IS your name. I have never seen it before. (for a woman). Thank you for writing and letting me know that you were blessed in our meeting. As for a purpose? Well, God calls us all to His purposes. I have eight grandchildren, one of whom I have had custody and care of since 1990 (she was 5 months old when her mother asked me to take custody of her.) I am very close to my family, Eric has two sisters, Cathy & Jeanne, both of my daughters live nearby. The homepage, begun as a tribute to, and publication of, Erics' talent and fulfillment of his desire to be read and known. It has grown into many special needs and special inter-relationships. Grief support is a big commitment in my time also. It ministers to all of us together. You are still in your painful "Year of The Firsts", I call it. Those excruciating special days and occasions which come to us one at a time, the first ones without our loved one, can be overwhelming. You still feel the loss, I imagine for the rest of our lives... But those "firsts" are so sharp and acute as we approach and survive them. I hope that you will be in touch if there is ever any way I might help you through your grief. It never really ends, but eventually, we do come to adjust to the absence. There is a lot of sharing with others in the 14 archives of the guestbook which you will find on our site too. Love, hugs, and prayer...
Yours because I'm His, Your GYPSY, (Nina)

Thank you for your kind words. My real name is <snip> the Syd is a nickname from my Father. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers as I travel through my year of firsts as you say it is painful but I will get there with the love of his two daughters that live with me. They are 7 & 11 years old .They have lost both of their parents in the last 6 years . I am adopting them so they will feel they belong somewhere . Again, thank you. A friend out here, <snip> {Syd}

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Subject: Thank you
Thank you for the website. I enjoyed all of the inscriptions. I read different tombstones in various countries also. Thanks for these. ~ Tura Satana

Dear Tura; Appreciation and courtesy are rather relatively rarely given and it is nice to hear from friends who feel that way and care enough to send their thanks. I thank you too! *S*
Yours because I'm His, Your GYPSY, (Nina)

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From: sema
Subject: no words to say for you!
Dear Nina, I do not want to write a long story about my sorrow that I lost my 8 years old cavalier king charles spaniel daughter 2 weeks ago. I know nothing will stop my missing and tears anymore. I have been trying to calm myself down since her death through many ways including internet, and so, I visited your dream pages. In my opinion, you are a great writer, female, mother, briefly a real HUMAN. ~ I have just read your article about
"the last days" with her. I have had similar experiences with you but we suffered a year. Many nights I prayed to God for her quiet death. But immediately I begged him pordon. I couldn't take her to the vet for sleeping. Maybe she suffered but she never mentioned. Maybe she mentioned enough but I couldnt accept her death. And finally, thank God I was at home, she passed away but left me desperetly lonely and unhappy. She never let me to cry for 8 years but now I am lost in tears. I have two sons and a husband. My older son is 23 and my younger one is 5 now. When I had first hold my tiny puppy I was doing my PhD in England, far from my son and family. She became the center of my life and the whole life........... There are many things to say or write about........ I would like to be friends and meet you sometime in near future! Thank you again for your wonderful words. You are an extraordinary person I have ever met! ~ Love, SEMA

Dear Sema; The saddest part of grieving over our "pet-children" - is that it is so lonely and so few people understand unless they have had a soul-relationship with a "pet-child" themselves. Even then - at times, they may not identify with your grief if they shut theirs out. People do this with loved ones, human and animal alike. In fact, it the three years of grieving over my son, I have found that many people do not allow themselves or others to grieve at our earthly partings. I'm not sure why this is so, but it is. I guess that they are as amazed at our grief as we are at their lack of it. Gosh, Sema.... I STILL cry when I look through our large collection of family photographs. There is such a large ache. Time and loving will ease that. The healing comes in giving our love to others and it becomes a private sort of tribute to our mates who've gone on ahead. I am sure that if they could see and counsel us - they would want us to do just exactly that. They would want us to go on loving as well as we have loved them. I still sleep with Erics' most beloved crib blanket which I gave to Buffy and it became her very special beloved blanket and now it is my own very special beloved blanket! *melancholy smile* I have shared my life and home with many who have gone ahead of me, and yet, each one has their own very special place in my heart just as your. I was reflecting on your statement about your Spaniel "daughter" (I do not know her name, but my very first dog was a buff-colored Cocker-Spaniel named Candy) .... and when you said that she became the center of your life I understood. But when you say that she was your whole life, I felt great anguish- does that mean that you are not WITH your family? Are you alone? Oh, I hope not! Perhaps it was a translation-of an expression which means something else in your native language? (What language IS that? I am always so interested in everything!) It seemed to me that your English was beautiful if it is not your native language? Somehow, you sound like a very soulful person and I would like very much to share with you and be friends! Thank you for inviting me. I will look forward to writing and learning more about you... With so much information about me already online for you - You will have to catch me up on you and your life. What was her name? And the names of your sons and husband? And what is your PHD in? I guess that you read of my losing Eric just before he turned 23 years old. I have one of my grandchildren, Brandi, whom I've raised all of her 9 years. We are VERY close. Very! She was only 5 when we lost our Eric, and from that time, she drew even closer to me. It is our "snuggle" time now and she's ready for me to shut down here, so I will close for tonight. Thank you again for writing and sharing. You were a great blessing and healing comfort to me. I pray that you will be comforted in my pages and in our relationship in the future. I am attaching a special prayer I wrote in 1993, hoping that it may add even more comfort to your great loss and suffering. If it does not open for you - it is online at my site at this page
"WHERE ARE YOU LORD?" I will be looking forward to hearing from you again, my new friend. *s* Love, hugs and prayer for you, dear Sema, Yours because I'm His, Your GYPSY, (Nina)

This is a message for all of us, and although our paths never crossed in this life, I know that I will see her in Eternity! *s* I choose to place it here where Cassie will speak to all who pass by this place.
Subject: Very special words of life, by a very special soul...

"Now I have given up on everything else.
I have found it to be the only way!
To really know Christ, and to experience
The mighty power that brought Him back to life again,
and to find out what it means to suffer,
And to die with Him.
So, whatever it takes,
I will be one who lives in the fresh Newness of life,
of those who are Alive!, from the dead."
-- Cassie Bernall

Cassie Bernall wrote this poem two days before her death at Columbine H.S. Cassie was studying in the school library. The two young killers burst in and, according to witnesses, one of the killers pointed his gun at Cassie and asked,
"Do you believe in God?" Cassie answered, "Yes, I believe in God." "Why?" the gunman asked. Cassie did not have a chance to respond; the gunman had already shot her dead. This story appeared in an interview with her classmate Mickie Cain, he related it to Larry King on CNN. "She completely stood up for God. When the killers asked her if there was anyone who had faith in Christ, she spoke up and they shot her for it."

Remember Them and Let's Try Harder
(by Nina Roberta Baker, for the children, April, 1999)

I lived a life, I had hopes and dreams
I died at the hands, of hatreds' schemes
I'll never again see you, in this life
I've gone on now, where there is no strife
For the sake of my loved ones, with hearts so sore
Remember each of us, and what we lived for
And thank God, today, for your loved ones, near
While with our families, you shed a tear
None of us knows now, why this time came,
What we do know is, that many are to blame
Not just the two, who held the bomb and gun,
We all decide how laws, and our Country will run.
Many share the fires, of violence, cruelty and hate
Bred in hearts, like those who caused our fate
Look around you right now, perhaps even you,
Could make a difference, even in just a few
Intercede, if you will, before the time ends
For innocents like me, and my family and friends
Don't just say "It's a shame" and do nothing to change
Take a good look at youth, alienated and strange,
And see if there's somewhere, they could find healing
Before once again, our world aches with this feeling.

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From: "Naron"
Chrysta Naron signing in here! I am Nina's grandaughter's pen-pal as well as one with Nina. Hello Brandi! This lady is very awesome and very cool so sign this guest book or I will come up from Texas and make you. ya hear?

Hello Chrysta: Well - aren't you a dear! I didn't realize that you'd never signed our guestbook. *s* Now here you are! Did you ever visit the
e-mail between you and Brandi? Thank you for signing in. Brandi hasn't been writing her online journal for some time now. At nine, things come and go quite regularly! *RVBG* We also do a lot of things together and it leaves little time for the computer during the school year. Hope you are doing well in school. When do you get out for the summer? I hope that one year you will perhaps get to visit Brandi and I. I will be marrying this year. Brandi met Kayla (her other e-mail pal) and her family. They came from North Carolina and stayed for a week in town! We had a LOT of fun with them. Bye for now! Love and hugs,
Yours because I'm His, Your GYPSY, (Nina)

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Subject: pegsus-a and pegsus-b
From: "psbhr"
dear sir: you dont know me but i came across you pages and just was so hit with emotion that i had to fix the pegsus for you!!! i hope you dont mind!!! so here it is whole again!! i hope you like it !!! ( SNOBNY) its my on-line name!!

Message #2 ~ Subject: pegsus!!!!
mrs.baker: i am sorry i was not aware that you were the mrs. and i addressed the last e-mail to dear sir: I appoligise!!!!!!! and after looking at the accident pictures i feel your pain and loss!!! my prayers are with you for your healing!!!!!!

Hello SNOBNY; Thank you so very much for your reuniting my Pegasus. I especially like the background improvement. It is beautiful! Are you an artist yourself? I was wondering how you pronounce your "handle"? It looks like `Snow-Bunny'.... or `Snobknee' - *grin*... How DO you pronounce it? Although I don't get to chat much anymore (for the site-memorial of Eric grew to be a rather large commitment to grief support and general communications with others and now I have no time for chatting). Once I got started learning to create the pages - the artist in me took over and it just keeps growing! *S* ~ After I put the two halves up in the art section, in the original scan form for others to view the style and strokes which we artists like to "check-out" in the work of our peers, my former husband put them together too, and I made a special award which you can see here.....
Eric Lee Baker Award ~ He left it in its' original form. I love what you did with it. *S* It is people like you who care and give, which makes this world, regardless of the "bad"... such a GOOD place to live and share. Since you have a handle, do you chat also? If so - where? I am always curious to know how people find my site.... *g* ~ If you have your own URL, I would like to visit if you let me know the address. ~ I appreciate your taking so much time with me... it sounds as though you have really looked around the site thoroughly! Thank you for sharing my grief and recovery process (both of which will last the rest of my life, I feel certain). So now we have touched each others' lives. Thank you for letting me know that. I appreciate hearing from guests. I am going to put this gift in the guestbook. I would like to share your work with others. Thank you again, and God bless your dear heart.
Yours because I'm His, your GYPSY, (Nina)

From: (Steve Kapuscik)
Subject: Hello
You have made a beautiful site for your son . I know the grief you are going through for I lost my 19 year old son to a head on car accident. He was killed in 1994 on his way to work .My life is not the same I'm not the same person any more. I feel like I live in two diffrent worlds. ~ Diane

Hello Diane; Thank you for writing to me. I am so very sorry that you also walk the Valley of the shadow of death. I know exactly what you mean about your life being different. It is that way with me too. There is the `mother and child woman'... and in that role - he is not dead. Then there is this present day and life that we are in and it doesn't quite seem as real as the other one in some ways... And then there is that odd feeling that neither of those worlds is quite real - and that nothing ever will be again until we leave this world for our Eternity...... Perhaps it would help to write to me. After what seems like a very short time, we are expected to let go of grief and loss. We see the discomfort in the eyes of family and friends when we speak of our child. I'm not sure why - but it seems that most feel that we should not... After a while, it becomes a bit awkward because we see that we are discomforting them in our memories and so we begin to refrain.... How blessed we are when some of them do allow us to reminisce and they even join us with their memories of our child/adult.... I pray that you will find a better unity between `then and now'. Love and a warm hug, mother to mother....  ~  Yours because I'm His, Your GYPSY, (Nina)

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My name is Diane Baker. I was helping my son do a school project on the
American Dream. ~ I came across your page and was so impressed with the beauty of it. I also felt drawn to it because my 11 year old son who I'm helping right now , his name is Eric Baker also. What a beautiful way you have done to keep your precious son's memory alive. May God bless you and your family. 

Hello Diane;  Thank you for writing to me and sharing that. It pleases me so very much when I receive appreciation for Erics' writings. He was so talented and had such a short time to express his thoughts and opinions which he desired to share. Each time it happens I smile and feel warm all over. It is no small thing to be able to fulfill your childs' greatest desire, and Erics' was simply to be read and speak his heart and mind to mankind. As long as I live, he will continue to do that. (I suspect it will go on from there too - for it will be taken over by one of his two sisters (for their baby brother), or one of my 8 grandchildren... or maybe even, THEIR children -
Who knows how long it may be! *smiling* Thank you again, you have blessed me today.  ~  Yours because I'm His, your Gypsy, (Nina)

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From: "Ann Smith"
Subject: Hello  ~  We too have lost a son, our only child, He died in 1972 in an accident. He was 23 yrs old and he has been gone longer than he lived. We still love and miss him so much. We thank the Lord for letting us have him for 23 years and all the memories of him. I'm sure you feel the same way......Ann and Robert Smith

Hello Ann; Thank you for writing and sharing with me. I am sorry for your loss. So nice to see that you have dealt with it in the best way - that of remembering to rejoice in all the time and experience you had with him rather than the "might-have-beens". The truest faith and trust is in being able to accept and carry on through whatever circumstance... always holding to that which is worthwhile and memorable to be thankful for. We are all blessed, but sometimes those blessings are hidden by the woulds, coulds, and shoulds that never happen.....Love and hugs,
Yours because I'm His, Your GYPSY, (Nina)

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From: "Sarah S."
Subject: The American Dream
Hello, I am a junior in high school, researching the American Dream for my finalEnglish Exam. It would help me greatly if you would answer these questions as quickly as possible. I also need I to ask you your age, ethnicity, and region whereyou live. If you could also give me that information when you write me back, it would help me greatly. 1. What is your version of the American Dream? 2. Is the American Dream attainable? 3. What might prevent someone from attainng the American Dream? 4. Is the American Dream different for people of various age groups, cultural backgrounds, and regions? 5. Do you think other countries have their own Dream? 6. If so, is this dream the same as the American Dream?  ~   Thank you very much, Sarah Sauvage

Subject: Re: The American Dream
Hello Sarah;~ 
1. What is your version of the American Dream? *R* Freedoms. I do not believe that the topic, AMERICAN DREAMS can be categorized altogether as only one. I believe that America offers the greatest opportunities to go for your dream, whatever your particular one is.     2. Is the American Dream attainable?   *R*  All things are attainable.... (this does not mean that all people WILL attain all things). The keys to attaining anything are, a) motivation 2) self-disciplines, 3) mental, emotional and physical capacities and 4) priorities. Priorities are the most essential determining factor in forming dreams and goals and also in achieving them.    3. What might prevent someone from attaining the American Dream? *R*As in most any failure, 1) apathy, 2)poor attitudes 3) laziness and, 4) premature death   4. Is the American Dream different for people of various age groups, cultural backgrounds, and regions? *R* Yes   5. Do you think other countries have their own Dream? *R* All people have dreams, regardless of geographic or other influences.  6. If so, is this dream the same as the American Dream? *R* I believe that the basic requisite is common to all - again, freedom.   7. I forgot to ask you your age, *R* ~ 55
8. ethnicity, *R* Human. I give this answer because I do not particularly believe in the application of labels based on place of birth. The most important determining factor in who you are, is a matter of your own choices and actions. I understand that geography and tradition do influence one in certain ways - but we are still the same beneath and in spite of all that.   9. region where you live. *R* Virginia, U.S.A.  ~  Also, you might receive a good response to add to your input here... Jim Bickford   ~  Wishing you the best,
Yours because I'm His, your GYPSY, (Nina)

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From: Jim Bickford
Subject: American Dreams   ~   
Dear Nina, Great article on the American Dream. I also liked your graphic where the flag rolls out. I am in the process of building my site and putting my complete book on American Dreams on the web. Please let me know what you may think so far of our site. Also, where might I be able to get a cool graphic of the flag that you have?   Do keep in touch,  ~   Jim Bickford
Publisher, American Dreams
The web’s resource on the American Dream
Click here:   to view our new web site

Dear Jim; Thank you for your appreciation of Erics' work. As for the flag, you have only to click on it and save it to a folder. You are most welcome to it!   ~  Yours because I'm His, your GYPSY, (Nina)

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Subject: obituary
I am sorry to hear of the loss of your son. Your web site is a wonderful tribute to him and it reminded me of how precious life is. Thank you

Subject: Re: obituary
Dear "V. Henkhaus; You are most welcome. Thank you for sharing your response. I appreciate hearing from everyone who writes after visiting.
Yours because I'm His, From your GYPSY, (Nina)

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From: "cj819" <>
Subject: Just to say thanks   ~   I received this thru e mail and I am new to the computer and the internet and am learning but I really enjoyed this so much....I have been here for over an hour just trying every thing and it has been a wonderful experience.....again thank you very much

You are most welcome, Jackie. I hope you continue with the fun and learning that is available to/for you on the wonder of cyberland and surfing!
Yours because I'm His, your GYPSY, (Nina)

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From: (Gary L. Connie Nicholson Sr.)
Subject: Masonry  ~   Mis Nina.....HI....please do not beleve everything you here!! You have been very [[[ Misguided about Masonry]]] It is not a Religion or Church. It is a Fraternity for good man to become better man. they ((Do Not Tech Religion)) They say let each man seek his on salvation.& go to his on church for is religion. I have been a mason for over 4 years & love Jesus with all my heart. Jesus is the only TRUTH there is & my saver, he pad the price on the cross for you & me. So just remember Masonry is just a fraternity. These people like Jack is making lots of MONEY selling taps & books about is lies on Masonry. E-mail Jack & ask him how much he makes on this a year, he want tell you. E-mail me for more INFO if you like. God bless you, Jesus is lord ~ Gary

Dear Gary; Thank you so very much for writing to me concerning the Lodge. I appreciate your manner in doing so. So many people who deal with conflicting perceptions and understandings of issues, do so in a harsh (sometimes even abusive) way. When that happens, no one is listening.
I listened to what you are saying. My fiancée also speaks just as you do (he is a brother, 32nd degree). He is also like- minded (as you and I) about salvation and his love of Christ. There are main issues which continue to concern me greatly.
#1) we are to do all things in HIS name... no other. But the good that is done by the Lodge is done in the name of the Lodge - NOT Christ.   * 1 Corinthians 10:31 Whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God. * Mark 7:22 "Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name? and in Thy name have cast out devils? and in Thy name done many wonderful works? :23 And then will I profess unto them, I never knew You: depart from Me, ye that work iniquity."
#2) The apron of lambskin represents protection which, to my minds' eye, substitutes the Lodge fellowship for Christ who is our ONLY Lamb and salvation. Believing in Christ is more than saying He is Lord, it is belonging to Him and doing all in His name... no other, Faith? Satan & demons have faith *James 2: 19 Thou believest that there is one God; thou doest well: the devils also believe, and tremble. ~
When a brother seeks membership, he says that he is in darkness and is coming to the Lodge to receive light..., but Jesus says *John 8:12 Then spake Jesus again unto them, saying, "I am the light of the world: he that followeth me shall not walk in darkness, but shall have the light of life.
#3) The blood oath is, to me, quite shocking in nature. God says that we are His and nothing is ours to "swear by" *James 5: 12, But above all things, my brethren, swear not, neither by heaven, neither by the earth, neither by any other oath: but let your yea be yea; and your nay, nay; lest ye fall into condemnation.   I don't know if you wrote to me after visiting my own site, or perhaps, in visiting the Masonic Lodge material on another site where I may have left a message in a guestbook . If you have read all of my own site - or, at least the spiritual sections and material... you will know that I am an avid reader & student and follower of The Word. This leaves me outside of any absolute affiliation of religion or worshiping denomination. There are many of us who know how infiltrated and laced with error, all groups seem to be. We attend and in meekness of spirit, worship Him with others who gather to do the same. We do not make issues of those things we find in error... except where we are challenged or asked to give answer for our withdrawal from certain areas of belief or holding of traditions and pagan holidays. God uses us in His own time and situations when He has prepared a heart to see that truth. Until that time, love and a meek and gentle spirit are our identity and our testimony.... we are ever ready to give answers from our study and following of Christ, we are led by The Spirit into wisdom and knowledge. There are such dear and kind men who belong to and serve the Lodge, and I know that God will not let them continue in a thing which He does not approve of. His promise is absolute: Jeremiah 17: 5-10 ~ :7 Blessed is the man that trusteth in the LORD, and whose hope the LORD is. :8 For he shall be as a tree planted by the waters, and that spreadeth out her roots by the river, and shall not see when heat cometh, but her leaf shall be green; and shall not be careful in the year of drought, neither shall cease from yielding fruit. <snip> Finding God and truth) :11 For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end. :12 Then shall ye call upon me, and ye shall go and pray unto me, and I will hearken unto you. :13 And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart. :14 And I will be found of you, saith the LORD: and I will turn away your captivity, and I will gather you from all the nations, and from all the places whither I have driven you, saith the LORD; and I will bring you again into the place whence I caused you to be carried away captive. Mark: 20 And except that the Lord had shortened those days, no flesh should be saved: but for the elect's sake, whom He hath chosen, He hath shortened the days. :21 And then if any man shall say to you, Lo, here is Christ; or, lo, he is there; believe him not: :22 For false Christs and false prophets shall rise, and shall show signs and wonders, to seduce, if it were possible, even the elect.   ~   Thank you for taking time with me in this - I would like to learn that my concerns are groundless. I admire the works and beneficent activities of the brotherhood greatly. I understand that it is not a religion.... but in being sworn to a brotherhood with men who do not worship the One true God and who even worship other gods - scares me for my dear fiancée and for you and for every Christian who joins in the vows and oaths to anything that is not of Christ. He did not call us to a part-time affiliation with Him, but to an entire giving of ourselves to Him to be our Lord of all that we do and all that we are.
Yours because I'm His, your GYPSY, (Nina)

From: (Gary L. Connie Nicholson Sr.)
Subject: Masonry   ~   Dear Nina: I just read your e-mail & You don't have to warey about your Fiancee being a Mason. He is a good person or he would not got in the lodge of brotherhood. Tell him I sad HI, & it looks like he got a great lady, & one who loves JESUS, Tell him I sad what ever he doe's, Do not let a great lady like you get away......I just visit your web page it is great, I really like it.....Nina.....just remember the lodge, ((is not a church))((or a religion)) They teach 
#1 Put Your God & your Church First 
#2 Your Family 
#3Your Job 
#4 Your Lodge or what ever. 
The bible says let each man seek his own salvation. 
JESUS is the ((ONLY TRUTH)) & salvation there is.... 
Nina there are persons out there who has been kick out of the lodge for doing bad things that's not right & they go out try to dismay Masonry all they can. They get on the web & thinking I"ll get even with those in the lodge. Then they start selling books taps or what ever they can think of to make money even make money on JESUS.... Nina, this sad!!! I'm a 32 nd Mason & Shriner, if you have anything you want to know about Masonry please let me know, I'm not like Jack-Book I think that is his name or like D-Washum & some others try to sell you something....... By now & let JESUS bless you
Gary L Nicholson from the blue grass state

Dear Gary,  Thank you for sharing your views and perceptions from your position within your standing within the Lodge membership.  It is God,  Himself who brings us to light and truth and conforms us to His loving plan for us when we are willing to allow Him in and onto the throne of our hearts.    You seem to love Him above all else,  so I leave you to His loving care and guidance.
Yours because I'm His, your GYPSY, (Nina)

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Subject: Just some frogs
This was so adorable! ~ Thanks for cheering me up!

You are most welcome! Hugs,
Yours because I'm His, Your GYPSY, (Nina)

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Subject: my son......your son
Thank you so much for this see I, too lost a son.....and this Saturday is his birthday... as you so well know this is one of the hardest days and weeks before it to get through.... my sons' name was Alan....he was 27 when he fell from a ladder only to be left in a coma for a month ....he died NEW YEARS' morning 1992.....the pain never leaves nor subsides as you well know...may God bless you thoughts are with you .....we are the elect few who has buried children.....not it???

From one mother to another; Yes, I DO know what the `special days' mean in poignant memories. I now celebrate his `earthly graduation day' (April 1st) as his "Eternal life birthday"... and then his earthly birthday (July 1st) I cherish the fact that I had him for all those years between. Still, our mothers' arms are empty and we yearn for the feel of them, the sound of their voice, a warm embrace and contentment in their taking our hand on any occasion and holding on to each other.... Although losing a child is not what anyone would choose for themselves, in a way - it is nice to know that you never did leave them alone in the world to get along on their own without you. It's probably common to all who grieve loss of loved ones in their lives, to travel so many "not taken" roads in our lives and circumstances.... I find many blessings in knowing that Eric lived so well and that his dreams all came to be fulfilled. He was about 4 when he first asked if he could go to college. He loved to learn and he loved to write and he did those both with his whole being and left a legacy to all who knew and shared in his life. Thank you so much for writing and sharing with me. The time between his "two birthdays" is a very low time for me... with Mothers' Day and Easter falling in between..... We go on... but life is never again, `the same' - nor will it ever be.
Love and a hug from me to you,
Yours because I'm His, your GYPSY, (Nina)

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From: Julie Wright
Subject: Pansies
I came upon your website because I am looking for seeds or plants in unusual varieties of Pansies. However, the big surprise for me was that you love Pansies for exactly the same reason I do. I went through some very difficult trials last winter (not really over yet). I had occasion to plant a garden in October (which, of course is the wrong time of year). I chose Pansies as part of the planting because I knew they were resilient. As they struggled, froze, died back & re-grew through one of the coldest winters we've ever had, they came to symbolize my own struggle. Just when the weather finally warmed enough for them to bloom, rabbits & ground squirrels chewed them back down to the ground (how like our own lives!). But as my faith in my Heavenly Father restores me, I cared for the garden & with His help, the Pansies are again flourishing. It just so happens that In The Garden was my Great Grandmother's favorite song & one of mine as well. Thank you for a most enjoyable site  ~   Julie Wright, Wrightwood, California   ~   P. S. If you know where I can get unusual varieties of Pansies, let me know!

Hello Julie; Thank you for writing to me. *S* ~ Not sure where you are, geographically, but just in case you did not know, Fall is the time to plant Pansies, as they are a bi-annual plant. They grow strong during a Winters' time and then when they feel the touch of Spring, they fill out so beautifully and bloom in amazing splendor all summer and even through another winter sometimes. After all the Spring rains - they sometimes get too tall and rather spindly from rapid growth spurts. This is the time to cut them way back to give them a rest and allow them to grow more slowly in tune with the warmth and they will bloom all the rest of the summer with steady renewal.   They are also kept strong by removing the flowers when they begin to die - before they go to seed and use up great energy in doing so. I let them seed themselves at the end of the season. Just thought I would share that with you in case you were not aware of their special needs as a species. The Lord has blessed me with beautiful Pansies. The sky blue ones are my favorite, I think - though I cherish every color! I hope that you find each plant to be "unusual" since it made its' way to you to spend its' life and beauty for your pleasure and spiritual enrichment.
Love and hugs, Yours because I'm His, your GYPSY, (Nina)

Hi Nina, thank you for the information on Pansies. I didn't know any of that stuff about them. Between the rabbits & the ground squirrels, I have "accidently done it right" as to pruning them, etc. When the rabbits first chewed them down the ground, I was devastated. As it turns out, they grew back even better because the "pruning" was actually good for them. I can't help but draw a parallel to how we are when we go through trials. We have to endure with faith and only afterwards are we able to look back and see how our lives were actually blessed. Your information explains why they are flourishing so. I have seeds for some "antique" shades that I thought it was too late to start. I will get busy & plant them in the starter trays & prepare for a new batch of pansy fun. I am in Southern California which normally has a long growing season, however I am in the mountains at 5500 ft. elevation at the edge of the Mojave desert, so I am in a really unique zone. Thanks again, Julie

You are certainly welcome, Julie. Anyone who draws the spiritual analogies of Gods' works and the beauty He creates in all things - will be blessed to give them their best TLC. *S* ~ Even the secular segment of mankind recognizes that pruning is the kindest cut. So the rabbits did yours for you! Pansies have few enemies except rabbits or other little nibblers... and beware of snails who love to eat the leaves too. If snails come (we had a bad year with them last year!) a little salt in the soil will help rid you of them. Rabbits are discouraged by a little dry blood-meal (from a garden supplier) sprinkled at the perimeters or your plantings. If you take any photos of your "antique" pansies when they bloom, please remember me and share them in e-mail? I am doing a photo album this year of the different ones I have now. My daughter and I are going to see how true the seeds will germinate in the next few years and then try to keep them and pass them on to future generations if possible. If we stay in touch - maybe we will have some sharing in the future. If you are still going through difficult times, maybe it would help to share. Did you visit all of my site? (Quite an accomplishment if you did! *G*) In the prayer section, you may like to keep a copy of the special prayer I wrote in 1993 when I was at the lowest time of my life and was so broken by circumstances and my husbands' infidelity that I lost my will to live altogether and had to be hospitalized in a Christian recovery program to heal and grow through that suicidal time. It was a great time of "pruning" and spiritual healing which brought me through the loss of my son three years later.... From that time, I have come to be what I am today - a useful instrument of comfort, healing and spiritual strength for others who follow paths I have traveled before them.... They also help me to continue to become stronger and blessed in being of use to our Lord. Here is the prayer....
Where Are You Lord Nice to hear from you again! *S*
Love and hugs, Yours because I'm His, Your GYPSY, (Nina)

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From: "John Brasfield"
Nina; found your site by accident looking for flowers. Only had a minute to visit. Will for sure be back. Have a good day in the Lord. John in Tennessee

Hello John; Thanks for the "quick-wave" as you passed through! *grinning* Hope you find what you are looking for and maybe some blessings you weren't even expecting! *S* ~ I'm back out to gardening - just checking in here during my lunch.
Yours because I'm His, your GYPSY, (Nina)

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Subject: just a hello.
I couldn't sleep tonight and started wandering around my favorite bookmarks. I thought I would stop in to visit you. I started reading Eric's pages and soon found the time had flown and the tears flowed. Like I said, just wanted to say hi, no need to answer.
take care, sheo

Hello again, dear One; How pleased I am to hear from you that you were visiting. *s* ~ I also have nights when I need to roam. That was how I first found you. Your site is so hauntingly lovely and soulful. Sleep peacefully tonight,  ~  Yours because I'm His, Your Gypsy,  (Nina)

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From: Mado
Subject: Dear Friend...
I feel your pain and heart is with you....after my painful break up I wrote a story called: " Are Butterflies free? A Woman's Story, I'm sending yyou a copy to do with what is best God Bless and may your heart join the rest of the healing souls...Mado x x

Hello Mado, ~ Your attachment wouldn't open for me. Perhaps you could re-send it in the body of an email? Which part of my site did you read? Since I am primarily a grief support site which also contains my experience of painful marriage enfing as well as the death of my son, three years later, I wasn't sure which you are referring to... but without reading the story - the title sounds like you read and identified with the breakdown in 1993 (over husbands' infidelity). ~ Hope to hear from you and have a chance to read your story.   ~   
Love and hugs, your gypsy, (Nina)

Subject: Trying again!!!
Hope it worked!!! Please let me know if it did????? Mado

Dear Mado; Again, alas, the file wouldn't open. I then went to your site hoping that you might have it there, but didn't find it as I believe it is a commercial, rather than a personal, site? If you would just open your file, highlight the story, copy and paste it directly into the body of your e-mail to me, (instead of as an attachment) that would work. I hope that you are doing well in your new existence. Once we alter our course so drastically an begin over again, it is like going to a whole other world.... I hope that it will continue to be a much better one than before. *s* Love and hugs 2 you,  Yours because I'm His, Your GYPSY, (Nina)

Hi Nina...Yes if you go to my web-site you will be able to see it...if you go to the english side.. then it says history of the "butterfly picture" a hand will appear ..just click on it and you will see the story... Hope you get to read it today.....Thanks, Much Love.. Mado

Dear Mado; At last! I finally got to read your story. It was lovely. Interesting to note that we are both healers. I have a masters' degree in Herbology and have been our local "medicine woman" since 1979. In 1996, when my son, Eric, was killed, I turned my business over to my cousin and spend full time raising a handicapped granddaughter. We still sell herbs and people seek my advice... It is a blessing to be chosen to help others to heal themselves and loved ones... I don't know if you've been here, to this section:   ~  The "Dear Mr Wolfe",   Loves' Submission and Fairytales, all three would likely be of interest to you. *S* Now that I've read your allegory, perhaps sometime you would like to share more about the reality which it represents. *S* I appreciate your patience in my failures to open your file. I wonder why that is? Oh well - what matters is that I finally did get to share it. *s*
Love, hugs and ~~~~waving "Bye" for now,
Yours because I'm His,   Your Gypsy, (Nina)

From: Mado <>
Subject: Your web page!!!
Youe web page touches so much my pain...You asked me if I would speak about the story behind the ARE BUTTERFLYS FREE, A WOMAN STORY...... There is much grief...loss... sadness... loneliness.... despair... guilt.... questions....loss of faith.... questionning God.... facing my own courage....never ending tears....sometimes feeling good, sometimes feeling not so alone...I feel I met a friend tonight while I was travelling on your site... I felt we were holding hands.... I would leave my body with a smile too!!!! Thank you for being with me tonight...and holding my hand....I will find the strength to make it.... and SMILE one day!!! Love always Mado x x

Hello again, dear One; Yes, I believe, as you do, that we have met and our souls held hands... I know that it is romantic to speak of lovers holding hands, but I have learned as I traveled through the valley in the dark shadows of the death of my son, Eric, that pain is as bonding as love and joy, in a way. It improves our depth and capacity for joy. The deeper the channel of/for feelings is carved within our hearts by pain - the greater is the capacity we have to hold and channel through us to others, love and joy... When we share pain, we expand our awareness of others who suffer, and through that, we grow and heal with each other. There is a unity in humankind in their mortal condition, which I believe, is a foretaste of the same unity which we will share in Eternity. How nice it is that you help others to heal in both the physical and spirit states... Love and hugs, Thank you, Mado   ~   Yours because I'm His, your GYPSY, (Nina)

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(Anne asked that I withhold her address}
Subject: Buffy   ~   Hello...I was messing around and happened onto your tribute. Bawled like a bereaved one myself. Getting in gear for an inevitable loss of my own. I appreciate the eloquence there. My condolences on both your losses. Sincerely, Anne

Dear Anne; Both of my losses were great because the relationships were so wonderful to begin with. So although it was/is  painful to be left without them physically present, they are still a part of me even now. Thank you for sharing your feelings and mine too. *s* Thank you also, for letting me know you were visiting. Sorry to hear that you may be nearing a loss of a loved one and/or companion too? It is very difficult to part with pets (I'm thinking that this is the impending loss you are facing, since it is
Buffy that you used for the subject in writing to me). Our pets are more like children we are bonded with. Now all people bond as intimately as some. I think it has something to do with the human soul and the persons' own willingness to love <?> Love is vulnerability, and so I guess it would be more accurate to say that it depends on ones' willingness and capacity to be vulnerable. N.E.Way.... I am sorry if that is about to happen in your life. It is so difficult, and it is not often recognized by others around us, just how great a loss it can be. I hope that it will be a gentle transition for you both, and that you will heal and move on to give yourself again to loving another.  ~   Love and hugs,
Yours because I'm His, your GYPSY, (Nina)
(two weeks later)

Hi again. You answered my message a few weeks ago, when I had written about your Buffy page. I then looked around your site and learned about Eric. I'd be lying if I said I knew what it was like to lose a child. Eric and I shared birthdays (me being a "few" years older). I offer my condolenses on that note and will think of you on July 1st. As for my impending loss, it hasn't happened yet. My collie, Groovy, turned 13 in March. Collies don't go far beyond that and the hot summers are downright deadly! However, in January I accidentally discovered that cannabis doggie treats can give an old dog a new lease (or leash?) on life. No more aspirin since that fateful day. She's been much more mobile since then, markedly alert, and almost always smiling. In other words, she's doing great (for such an old, big dog). We're at that stage where I check frequently to see if she's still breathing. You said something about hoping Buffy would simply expire, then you realized it wasn't going to be that way, or something. Well, I remember that now when I think the same thing about Groovy, who currently seems to have all her parts in working order. And I hope that one day she simply "wakes up dead". My last canine tragedy was in 1986, the dog who preceeded Miss Groovytunes. That dog was 12 1/2 and met some trauma which resulted in emergency euthansia at the vets on a Saturday night. I'm going to keep your site. Interesting stuff you have there. I'm new and dumber than dog-doo about all things computer, but manage to get around somewhat. It's okay if you wish to use my comments for other guests to peruse. I ask only that you identify me only by "Anne", okay? Thanks.Again, my sympathy on the loss of your son and your dog. Keep up the good humanitarian work.
Later, Anne

Hello again, Anne; Nice to hear from you again and know more about your life. That is quite interesting about the cannabis treats.... It is a shame that it isn't used more often for the medical benefits it has to offer against a variety of ailments - particularly Migraine headaches. I don't have those - but know of people who do and are greatly helped by it. Hmmmmmmm.... I'm trying to picture how you accidentally discovered the benefits for your collie!   *grinning* Write anytime you feel like it, always nice to hear from
friends. *S*  ~  
Yours because I'm His, love and hugs, your GYPSY, (Nina)

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Subject: I know your grief and pain\
Just wandering around and found your site and read your story . I lost my daughter in Aug. 96 in a car accident and I know the feeling and shock you went through as they told you about your loss and your disbelief. My daughter lived in Florida and her accident was so bad we were unable to see her again and so we just received a box and they said "Here is your daughter." Of course, it didn't seem possible then and it still doesn't, even as I kneel at her grave I can't believe it. Like I said I know the pain and grief you are feeling and I know that only my faith and belief is keeping me going on, someday I will see her again.
God Bless you and Be with you judy

Subject: Re:
i know your grief and pain\
Dear Judy; Thank you for writing to me. I hope that your visit blessed you and perhaps helped a bit to heal the pain and uplift or strengthen you along your way. I see that we share the heavy heartache of not being able to say a last goodbye. That is such a bittersweet comfort/pain. When I think of all the other ways the death and parting could have happened accompanied by witnessing our children suffer, waiting in a hopeless hoping situation for a long or short hospital vigil, or perhaps even having to make that decision about "unplugging" a brain-dead child while holding a still-warm hand and looking upon them knowing that modern technology has given you the excruciating responsibility to undo their interference in the natural death long prolonged for all. I search among the memories of our time together without allowing the grief of "The never-agains" to touch them. When thoughts of the tragic loss come, I immediately remember to give thanks for all the years and experiences that we had together. I refuse death the victory of replacing those memories with any of the might-have-beens. I hope that you have found that peace and acceptance, though I know all too well how missing them overwhelms us at times. Especially all the special days and dates....
I appreciate your sharing with me. Thank you again,
Love and compassionate hug and prayers for you, Judy
Yours because I'm His, your GYPSY, (Nina)

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From: Reggita Ayesha
Dear, ~ I have just visited your page at 
I am very curious about PANSY FLOWER.... Do you have any picture of the flower ???? IF you do, please I would love to see it. Because I have never seen the flower before. ~ thanks, reggi

Hello Reggita; The page where you read the Pansy analogy has pictures of Pansies at the top of page before the text (in two places). I am sure that you can find a wealth of pictures online also if you do a search. They are lovely flowers, of the violet family. There are many varieties of colors and sizes from tiny little ones which grow wild and are called "Johnny Jump-ups, to large Hybrids developed by enthusiasts.
Yours because I'm His, your GYPSY, (Nina)

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From: "nebo"
Dear lady; I stumbled onto your pages after receiving
"The Pastor's resume" from a christian brother. Oh how I am blessed by the love emanating from your pages. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
R. Porter

Thank you "R", for taking time to write and let me know that you were blessed in a visit with me. I treasure every one of you who do! Hope you will visit again - there is SOOOOoo much to find and the site is so large and of varied interests and categories.
Yours because I'm His, your GYPSY, (Nina)

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Subject: poem
I just wanted to say it was very pretty and lovely. Connie Frank

Thank you, Connie.
Yours because I'm His, your GYPSY, (Nina)

Subject: Re: Just wanted to say that it is lovely and peaceful.God bless you 
Hi Nina, I just wanted to say that your home page is so nice. I went through different areas of it, and found it interesting. Where are you from? I`m from New York.

The beautiful Shenandoah Valley of Virginia, Connie. The first page of my site is a picture I took of the Blue Ridge mountains all around me.
Yours because I'm His, Your GYPSY, (Nina)

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Subject: reading Fairytales
I just wanted to tell you how beautiful the writing of
Fairytales was - it strikes true in my heart. ~ Sarah

Subject: Re: reading fairytales
Thank you, Sarah. I am glad that you enjoyed it. It is my own favorite of all my writings (secular). I appreciate your taking time to share your response with me.
Yours because I'm His, your GYPSY, (Nina)

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From: John Degel
My Condolences
Santa Claus, like many other traditions -- such as Uncle Sam, Robin Hood, William Tell, etc. -- aren't to be taken literally. Rather they serve as literary illustrations to help us understand many of the concepts of life that are rapidly disappearing from our society. Those concepts include: lovingkindness for our brothers and sisters, sharing, helping those in need and learning the consequences of being bad or good. I'm only sorry you find it necessary to put a satanic emphasis on a figure based on a religious personage.   ~ 
Have YOU hugged Santa today?
My response
Subject: Re: My Condolences
To: John Degel <
ince my site is primarily one which addresses loss and grief over death of loved ones, your title, though intended as a mockery or insult, is however, appropriate applied to the loss of my 22 year old son, Eric. I will view it that way and say thank you. ~
Re: <snip>
"....traditions -- such as Uncle Sam, Robin Hood, William Tell, etc. -- aren't to be taken literally. Rather they serve as literary illustrations "
^Uncle Sam is a title or nick-name for government which I find is neither a tradition nor a literary illustration. None of these three are taught or upheld by parents to their children, as being "real". I suppose that we could go on from here to Peter Rabbit, Puff the Magic Dragon and Charlie Brown....just to begin to touch upon literary illustrations or analogies... the list would be endless. As to Santa mythology, call it what you will. I did not address the issue of pagan practices in the manner which you used upon me, (judgmental or critically), I simply stated my own view/opinion and the facts in relation to the practice. (Mark 8:33 But when He had turned about and looked on His disciples, He rebuked Peter, saying," Get thee behind me, Satan: for thou savourest not the things that be of God, but the things that be of men"). I did not make fun of your (apparent) beliefs or choice to hold an idol up as a character example or tool for building character-traits which are, you are right, disappearing from our world today. I do believe that we need to exemplify those characteristics which Christ gave us to be conformed by and follow after, and primarily, that is love and kindness. However, when it comes to teaching a myth as a reality and contriving to deceive with lies and misrepresentation to our children who look to us with innocence and trust and hold dearly that their parents are the most trustworthy persons that they know..... THAT is unconscionable.  Called by any name, it is deception and leads to more of the same. Trust is a sacred thing and not to be forfeited in any name or purpose, whatsoever! As to Santa Claus being based on a religious personage? I can only say that there are many religions and accompanying them, are many religious people and practices which are not based on the simplicity of Christ or on the truth of "One Way". Personally, I am a Christian, but I am not, nor will I ever be, a religious person. I always clarify that point when I find myself so addressed (as a religious person). I am more than that. I belong to Christ, and to Him alone. As to hugging "my" <? NOT!> Santa Claus? I have not hugged Santa Claus today, nor the Tooth Fairy, nor the Easter Bunny either!
Yours because I'm His, Your GYPSY, (Nina)

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From: "judith bolmeyer"
Thank you for your pages of prayers, I did injoy them and also your mountain view pictures . ~JB

Dear Judith; Thank you for letting me know you enjoyed your visit.
Yours because I'm His, your GYPSY, (Nina)

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Subject: God's Blessing
God's blessing to you for this site of peace and contentment. I'm sure everyone who visits gets blessed in a special way and it is just what they need for the moment. I hope you continue in this wonderful work! There are so many bad things on the internet, it is such a joy to find a very good and worthwhile one! your friend in Christ, Marilyn

Dear Marilyn; Thank you for writing and for the encouragement of knowing that the work is appreciated. It began as a tribute and memorial of my son, Eric, and his writings. God, in His usual way, (using all things for good), has used my pain and the tragedy of Erics' death, for "good" in the ministry which it has become not only to others who are mourning or trying to deal with their own grief or spiritual alienation - but to do a surprising number and variety of works as the site evolved into the many-faceted experience/offering which it has become now.   Evil is far more publicized than good in the world - perhaps because so many people campaign against it and that activity includes inadvertently publicizing the evil even more. Better that than for it to remain unknown (and also unchallenged) and prevailing upon innocents freely. I have seen so much good being done in uniting and using the connection to each other to minister light in an ever more darkening world around us. ~ I am happy that you were pleased and blessed in visiting. I hope that you will return and check out every avenue as it continues to grow. Since you didn't mention Erics' section, I am not sure if you went through that part. If not, please make a note of his pages (which begin here: Erics' Main Page Thank you again for writing to me. God bless and keep you,
Yours because I'm His, your GYPSY, (Nina)

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From: "Vicky"
Subject: site
Dear Nina, I sit here, almost in tears, trying to think of how I would feel if I lost the only son I could ever have. There are no words to express my feelings. I do know that we will all be together again when the Lord deems fit. NO ONE soul is ever gone, just changed. Write your book or a journal. You do it so beautifully. This is for you. <she sent "I'm Free" poem which is already here in another guestbook archive> ~ God Bless 
Vicky Weninger, a friend of Sandy's. Come over to visit my site too.
God Bless.

Hello Vicki; Thank you so much for your words of empathy and comfort. I visited your site and found that, like mine, it is large and needs more time to visit. I will return on a rainy day! *S* Right now, the weather is too perfect to stay indoors long, I love to be out gardening and soaking up all the greatness of His creation and my little corner of it... I will leave a message in your guestbook when I return and complete my visit. Thanks again. Love and hugs,  ~  Yours because I'm His, your GYPSY, (Nina)

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