Sunday, June 14, 1998 "jayj"jjayj@netnitco.net ~Subject: Eric
I followed your web page for several
hours. it is the best site i have had the honor of
visiting. you are a very special person to be able to
share what you have. we all bear a cross of one sort or
another, but you just made one cross a little more
bearable. Gods' blessing on you and yours and thank you.
a friend in Christ
Hello; Thank you for writing to me. I
always appreciate that. So often, people prefer not to
share in the guestbook and choose to remain private in
communicating with me. I like the growing community and
variety of responders who are contributing and making up
the guestbooks (we're on #10 now). Your thoughts,
feelings and experiences, along with mine, minister to
such a myriad of visitors and needs. I thank you for
being a part of it. Most of all - I am blessed to hear
that your cross was lightened. What a miracle it is that
we should give to each other and both receive of doing
so... it is the way of love and human fellowship. Thank
you again, and God is blessing in and through you. I hope
that you will return and visit other areas of the site,
for it has many facets.
Yours because I'm His, Nina
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The Homepage of
Denim & Pearls
http://members.aol.com/DenimnPrls/denim.html
Subject: The Eric Lee Baker Award
I would like to apply for this award... and let me say
that I am so sorry for your loss.
Hello Leigh; I will send along both of
your deserved awards! *S* I link the two differently as
you will note in the notification message I will
include.... Thank you, Leigh, for your award too - I will
put it up this evening! ~ Yours Because I'm
His, Nina
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From: Dennis Hill
dhill@netxn.com ~ Subject: Hello
You have done a wonderful job on your
page. It is outstanding. I will write again soon. Take
care. Dennis
Hello Dennis; Always nice to see my
~old'friends~ - especially here in the guestbook! *S*
Thank you for signing in. Later in e-mail - will catch up
on each other! ~ From your GYPSY, (Nina)
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Ron Gamber rgamber@umiami.ir.miami.edu ~ Subject: hello
Someone sent me the url to your page as
my grandmother passed away last night I clickeded on your
grief page link I know why you wrote all this and can
only say thank you God bless you
Hello Ron; My dear friend and brother in
the Lord and in grieving.... I can only say that I care
deeply and sincerely and hope that if I may be of any
comfort or source of strength for you, you will contact
me and let me know. Thank you for sharing your sorrows
and mine. I am sending you two of my favorite comforts (I
have collected a great many) Please write again and let
me know how you are , you will be in my prayers and in my
heart. I know the next days will be filled and busy, most
likely - but later, when you might need to touch base - I
will be here and willing.... Here are the two I
particularly like..... I hope you find them comforting...
{{{{{{{Ron}}}}}}} ~ From your GYPSY, (Nina)
I'M FREE!!!! ~ By
Anon E. Muss
I'm Free Don't grieve for me now that I'm free,
I've followed the path God laid for me.
I took His hand when I heard Him call.
I turned my back and left it all.
I could not stay another day
to laugh, to love, to work, or play,
Work left undone must stay that way,
I found God's peace at the close of the day.
If my parting left a void
Please fill it with remembered joy.
A friendship shared, a laugh, a kiss,
Are things that will be missed.
Perhaps my time seemed all too brief,
Don't be weighed down with undue grief.
Lift up your heart and rejoice with me,
God wanted me now--He set me free!
God bless you all. You are in my thoughts & prayers!!
Yours because I'm His
To
My Family...
~ by Anon
E. Muss & Nina
I'm writing this from Heaven where I now dwell with God
above
There's no more tears or sadness here, there's just
eternal love
Please do not be unhappy just because I'm out of sight
remember that I'm with you every morning, noon and night
That day I had to leave you when my life on Earth was
through
God picked me up and hugged me and He said "I
welcome you"
It's good to have you back again you were missed while
you were gone
as for your dearest family they'll be with us later on
I need you here so badly as part of My big plan
there's so much that we have to do to help our mortal man
Then God gave me a list of things He wished for me to do
and foremost on that list of mine is to watch and care
for you
And I will be beside you every day and week and year
and when you're sad I'm standing there to wipe away the
tear
And when you lie in bed at night the days chores put to
flight
God and I are closest to you in the middle of the night
When you think of my life on Earth and all those loving
years
because you're only human they are bound to bring you
tears
Do not be afraid to cry, it does relieve the pain
remember there would be no flowers unless there was some
rain
I wish that I could tell you of all that God has planned
but even if I were to tell you you wouldn't understand
One thing is for certain though my life on Earth is o'er
I am closer to you now than I ever was before
And to my very many friends, trust God knows what is best
I'm still not far away from you I'm just beyond the crest
There are rocky roads ahead of you and many hills to
climb
but together we can do it taking one day at a time
It was always my philosophy ... I'd like for you to know
it too
that as you give unto the World so the World will give to
you
When you reach out to another who is in sorrow or in pain
then you can say to God at night, "my day was not in
vain "
And now I am contented that my life, it was worthwhile
knowing as I passed along the way I made somebody smile
So if you meet somebody who is down and feeling low
just lend a hand to pick him up as on your way you go
When you are walking down the street and you've got me on
your mind
I'm walking in your footsteps, only half a step behind
And when you feel the gentle breeze or the wind upon your
face
that's me giving you a great big hug or just a soft
embrace
And when it's time for you to go from that body to be
free
remember you're not going you are coming here to me
And I will always love you from that land way up above
And we will soon be together again... P.S. God sends His
Love!
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"JOAN F. NIMMO" nimmie46@tiac.net ~Subject: YOUR STORY
I do not know how I found this page, and
yet I did. You are a wonderful mother to do this for your
son and his memories. I too lost a very good friend many
many many years ago-she too was a writer-wow it would
have been so nice to have displayed her poetry like you
have done of your son. Thank you for sharing for sharing
all of this with me......joan
Thank you Joan, for signing in and
leaving a message for me. I appreciate all guest contact!
*S* Perhaps you will yet one day find a way to publish
something of your friends' work. That would be so nice,
Hmmmmmm? Hope you have some of it. Yours because I'm His,
your Nina
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Bruce Anderson beacoach@swbell.net
Found your site by pure accident. Really
enjoyed it. The human condition has not really changed
over the centuries. Bruce Anderson ~ Houston, Texas
Thank you, Bruce, for signing in and I
really don't know what else to say to your entry! That is
quite an accomplishments - for I am rarely without words!
*grinning* *S* You sound rather philosophical and
interesting.
Yours because I'm His, From your GYPSY, (Nina)
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Received: from NenaRica00@aol.com
You Have a Beautiful Page!! I was there
For Hourssssssssss :o) Tears would come out of My Eyes
"for some reason" I Love your page! I will be
back VERY
soon!!!! God Bless you! ~ Hilda
To: NenaRica00@aol.com
Thank you Hilda, for writing. I hope you
will return and be blessed when you do. (and bless us
with hearing more from you to.) Yours because I'm His, Nina
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From:
"Heather Heinrich" ahheinrich@email.msn.com
Dear Nina, Thank you for writing about
your son's death and the days following. It sounds so
clinical as I am trying to write this, so please forgive
me. I am feeling a little bit numb today. My son died ten
months ago tomorrow, and I was filled with such profound
grief today that I got on the Internet and searched for
grief - and I found your home page. Thank you for sharing
your experiences with me and with all of the other lost
mothers missing their sons.
Heather Heinrich ~ ahheinrich@juno.com
Subject: Grief in loss of a
son
To: Heather Heinrich ahheinrich@email.msn.com
Hello Heather; One of my 8 grandchildren
is named Heather and hers' is my favorite name. I have
always loved the soft and gentle sound and picture that
the name brings to mind. Only those of us who experience
the actual tragedy that is like no other, can truly
understand this very special grief. There just IS no way
to accept your child leaving life before you . We spend
so much of everything we have and are in raising them up
and ensuring as best we can that they have a promising
future and contribution to the human race of mankind. I
don't think that we ever do adjust to the parting.
Especially if they are all those things and poised, like
Eric, to begin fulfilling life-long dreams and goals of
their own, yours and friends and family.... This
being my third year... I remember how raw and
agonizing the year of "Firsts" is... the firsts
of whatever event you are experiencing without them in
the world with you. Then comes the "First
anniversary" year where it's been "a year since
the last one without them..." and now I find that
I'm doing the year of "the second year
without..." and perhaps it goes on and on. Getting
on the net and looking for "GRIEF" is a very
good thing to do, I found. It helped me to just be
reminded that we can and do live through the pain which
every day seems so unbearable! You sort of need to know
and cling to that.... (I
mean that I needed to and it seems that many others feel
the same desperate need to identify with surviving the
grief). I am so richly blessed and helped in my healing
(which I doubt will ever be complete), when I hear from
others here and
you share in the ministry of providing that sharing
healing and survival. Thank you for doing that. I feel
your pain as my own..... It is a terrible, terrible
weight that bears upon us each day and night and in all
that we do. If it were not for Christ and the comfort of
the Spirit and His promise to be with us "ALWAYS
even unto the end" - I would not have survived
losing Eric. I hope that you will come
visit again, and that you might write if you like, and
share more about your loss. I find that it helps me to do
that (and also, that many of the friends and family
around me have difficulty in that sort of thing... some
face pain and grief - but I believe that the majority
wish to avoid it altogether and put it away in a closet
somewhere inside their soul......) I embrace you with
love and tenderness He has given me only possible from
experiencing the very pain you are in. I care with all my
heart. I am thankful that this visit was beneficial for
you. ~
Yours because I'm His, Nina
Subject: ammendment to my
reply
To: Heather Heinrich ahheinrich@email.msn.com
Dear Heather; As I read over the message
I sent to you in preparing it for the guestbook - I was
struck by this statement I'd made to you ----> write
if you like, and share more about your loss. In print it
seemed not quite what I mean in my heart. It is so nice
to share about our loved ones' LIFE... not just our loss,
as we process our grief. And I did not mean to offer to
share only about your LOSS.... I would celebrate with
you, his LIFE as well. So if you would like to write and
share again, please tell me more about who and what he
was if you feel inclined to do so - I would like to get
to know of him.... Forgive my former way of putting it? I
mean this sincerely!
Again - and always, yours because I'm His, Nina
Dear Nina,
Thank you so much for writing back to me. I am not
feeling nearly as mechanical and numb as I was a few days
ago. Some days are good, some days bad, and some days are
just there. My son Nicholas died on August 22, 1997, at
the age of eighteen months and one day. He had a
congenital heart condition and a myriad of other medical
problems, but he seemed so healthy despite everything
that I always believed he was going to beat the odds and
survive to a ripe old age. Even on the day he died, I
could not admit how sick he had become. Nicholas was an
unexpected gift from God. In fact, I was on birth control
pills when he was conceived! I went to my gynecologist
for my yearly exam and mentioned that I had not gotten my
period the previous month. Imagine my surprise when the
doctor did a pregnancy test and it was positive! My first
reaction was to cry, as I was really taken aback by the
news, but by the time I got out to the waiting room I was
shouting the news that I was pregnant! All through my
pregnancy, I was happier than I can remember being any
other time in my life. It was the most amazing feeling to
have a little miracle growing inside me! When the day of
his birth came, three weeks early, I could hardly wait to
meet the little person for whom we had been preparing for
so long. Then he arrived, and he was perfect and the most
beautiful baby I had ever seen. Eighteen hours after he
was born, Nicholas went into cardiac distress and was
life flighted to a Children's Hospital. They told us that
he would probably not make it through the night. I
checked myself out of the hospital, and my husband and I
made the two-hour drive to the Children's Hospital. That
was where our nightmare began. Nicholas did, of course, make it through the night. He
came home, albeit with oxygen and two different monitors,
and we started our life as a family in our home. The
short span of his life was a mixture of joys and sorrows.
He had frequent hospitalizations, but in between them he
grew and learned like any other child. He laughed and
smiled and loved us, just as we loved and doted on him.
On February 18, 1997, just three days shy of his first
birthday, Nicholas began his final ascent to Heaven.
Doctors gave him four to six weeks, with a maximum of six
months, to live and sent him home to die. As always, we
tried to pack as much love into each day as we could,
never knowing if that day would be the last. Like the
fighter that he always was, Nicholas lived for six months
and one day past his first birthday. I know what you mean
about the "firsts" being so difficult. I count
all of the months that it has been since his death, and I
always think about what age he would be now if he was
still surviving. It makes me so sad to think about what
might have been if only... I have my first family reunion
without Nicholas coming up over the 4th of July. I don't
know how I will make it through the reunion. It just
seems like it will be so sad without him. The first
anniversary of his death is also approaching so fast. My
friends are at such different places in their lives than
I am right now, with concentrating on their careers or
just starting their families. I feel like I am so old,
and I don't know how to relate to them any more, and more
than that, they seem to think the word Nicholas is taboo.
If his name is mentioned, they change the subject so
fast. It is almost like he did not. Thanks again for
writing and sharing with me. I really appreciate being
able to talk to someone finally. ~ Heather
Subject: Nicholas & Eric
To: Heather Heinrich ahheinrich@email.msn.com
My Dear Heather; You write beautifully
about your experience. Do you keep a journal or do other
writing? Perhaps it "Takes one to know one!"
*s* I know exactly what you mean about others not being
comfortable about us talking about our ~transcended loved
one. Some are obvious about it... some not... but we
always know when their heart withdraws from the listening
or joining in the conversation. And it hurts. It was a
joy to listen to the love in your words, the cherishing
of Nicholas was so obvious in them. If you think of any
other things you would like to share about him - do write
and do that. I read your letter to my Brandi (don't know
if you read her section in our homepage, she is my 8 year
old. We shared your heartache and emptiness which we
relate-to so well through missing our Eric. If you would
like your letter posted - I would like to do that, (may
I?} - but if not - I will refrain. It is a gentle and
touching mothers' story. Sometimes people who need to
grieve and have difficulty allowing themselves or others
to do so, are helped by sharing first our grief and then
opening the door on their own. July is a difficult time
for me too, Erics' birthday is on the first, and my own -
five days later. Many of his friends are keeping in touch
with me and we all feel that they are also my children -
for in their own lives and spirits, they carry a part of
him.... He was like that - to know him was to have him be
a part of you. Thank you for writing again. Our God is so
good in His providing us for each other....~~~~~
Waving~~~~~ Bye for now.... Hugs, Heather, Yours because I'm His, Nina ~
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From: CmdrDrgn@aol.com Subject: Great Site
Hello, I really like your site. I was
there for a long time, not sure how long. I really
enjoyed the poems, alot better than the one's I write.
Also, you are welcome to visit my site and let me know
what you think :) it is located at http://www.geocities.com/Heartland/Ridge/4448
I will be coming back, I love your site :) ~ Kay
Hello Kay;
I have company right now from North Carolina, and am not
able to surf till the Monday! *S* I LOVE having friends
for long visits! I am glad that you enjoyed the site and
hope you will return as it is growing and under continual
construction. Sometimes I run into emotional ~snags~ like
the Anatomy of a Breakdown section - and have to take a
break from it for a few days or weeks. Thank you for
signing in and inviting me to "Your place"- I
will have you at the top of the list for Monday -
hopefully! Thanks for the compliments of our poetry
(Erics' and mine). I look forward to visiting other
writers....
Yours because I'm His, From your GYPSY, (Nina)
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From: "wayne
steele" periwinklehoppers@worldnet.att.net ~thank you!
You are
welcome! *S* ~Yours because I'm His, Nina
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From: Froggs3475@aol.com Subject: Frog page
I really like all of your little Frog
Riddles. They are very amusing!!! peace fellow frog
lover!, Froggs3475
To: Froggs3475@aol.com
Thank you, fellow frog-friend!  If you have
any new contributions you would share - I would love to
hear from you with something to add... I haven't found
much new in months!!! From your GYPSY, (Nina)
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Verne Baker vbaker@feist.com Subject: Thanks
Thank you for the great inscriptions. They were
a hoot to read and exactly what I was looking for. The
music was very pleasant too.
P.S. I love your last name.V. Baker
You are
most welcome, Vern! *S* If you meant the Tombstones -
check back because it is only about half finished....
(Check again in August) I like my name too! *grinning*
Yours because I'm His, your GYPSY, (Nina)
From: Verne Baker vbaker@feist.com
Hi Nina; I'm sorry I wasn't more
specific on my "Thank You" but it was for the
Tombstone. I had stumbled in there off a search engine
while trying to find some interesting inscriptions for
Sunday School. I'm doing Saul's epitath from 1SAMUEL 31
and was going to sprinkle in some others. Your group was
great and, harder to find, clean. You have a wonderful
web site Home Page. I haven't gotten through it all but
look forward to having the time to stop back. God bless.
In His service <>< VB
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From: ChoeznOne@aol.com Subject: Riddles
Hey--I liked your riddles. They were
really cute! Thanks for the laughs!
Subject: Re: Riddles To: ChoeznOne@aol.com
You are most welcome, thank you....
*grin* From your GYPSY, (Nina)
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Larry Wade larrywade@freewwweb.com ~ Subject: A Great Stop Over Dearest
Nina, I found your place by mistake. I'm glad I
did. It was such a wonderful and refreshing break in my
hectic schedule. I enjoyed every aspect of my visit. The
poetry is beautiful and touched my heart. I edit our
church newsletter and was wondering if I might be able to
use some of your poetry in it. I would be more than happy
to put you on our mailing list. That is, if you wanted to
receive it. Please let me know how to go about securing
copies of your poetry and any other Christian related
stories you might have. God bless.
Sincerely, Larry Wade
Hello Larry;
Thank you for sharing your enjoyment of our cyber-home
and of my works. *S* If the poetry and or writings are
mine or from my collection of what I call "By Anon
E. Muss" - please feel free to use copies to touch
others whom you feel will be blessed by it. Thank you,
for doing that. I will be adding other ~pieces~ to our
site from time to time (more in winter than in summer,
for I have an 8 year-old (Brandi) and that is a full time
occupation in my life, as well as managing our small
business. There is a piece I recently
wrote regarding grief/loss and how to reach out to the
mother (particularly). Recently, the child of one of our
church-families was killed in a playground accident. I
received many calls from members and friends who were
seeking my advice about how they could reach out to them.
I was awake all night aching with the empathy of their
loss - knowing all too well, exactly how overwhelming it
is. Not only for the immediate blood-family, but for all
of the rest of us in the family of God and community
around them. I wrote, and my best friend read, on that
next Sunday, the piece which I am attaching, in the case
that your church might ever need or want to use it. I
pray that you will NEVER have occasion to need it, but I
also pray, that if the need should arise, it will help.
The grief-support ministry itself has developed and grown
quite of itself here. I am committed to this outreach for
those who have need of whatever I might be able to do or
give to them... so if you pass the site on to any who
need it, I will always <God willing> be available
and responsive. Eventually I will be publishing a lot of
my work. I am presently engaged to marry and my future
husband is also going to be my agent in publishing <he
is my greatest fan! *smiling*>. I have been offered
opportunity to publish some of my work, but as yet, have
not felt it was time for me to enter that phase of my
life until I knew more about that end of "the
business" of being a published author. No hurry
about it. I know that God has called me to a ministry of
His healing in broken and traumatized hearts, spirits and
lives <especially through experiences like my own 2 Corinthians 1: 3 & 4). It has begun here online and I have
offers awaiting my timing and ability to travel, to speak
to groups. Somewhere, it will all come together and I
will be sure that all of my friends, such as you, will be
notified when the first one goes to press! *S*.
Meanwhile, as God has given me gifts freely, I am freely
giving to you and others. I do like to
hear from those who have been touched or helped in any
way.... so if you like, you can include the site and/or
home address in your newsletter. I would appreciate that
if it is appropriate for you. The cyber and real-life
addresses are below. I am including them so that you may
put me on your mailing list- as you so generously
offered, for I would like that very much. I also
contribute to my church newsletter, myself. I do little
biographies of our members. Thank you for taking the time
to contact me, Larry. I hope that we have mutually
blessed each other through Him. ~~~~~waving
"Bye" for now, Yours because I'm His, From your
GYPSY, (Nina)
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From: Ernest
Lorin Snider lorin@freewwweb.com Subject: Thank You!
Yes I have followed your web page for
about hours. It is the best site I have had the honor of
visiting. You are a very special person to be able to
share what you have. Will you have some of your music's
to download? I just love your music on this site.Can I
have a copy of your music on this site? Proverbs31:10 ~
Who can find a vituous woman? for her price is far above
rubies.
Gods' blessing on you., Lorin.
Subject: Re: Thank You! To: lorin9@bigfoot.com
Hello Lorin; You may download all music
on my site by RIGHT clicking on the Crescendo player at
the bottom of the page and chosing *save as*, at which
choice a window will open and you then simply choose
where you want to save the midi in your system. There is
also a HELP file which is available in that window. I am
very glad that you enjoyed the site and the music. I
often go into a midi file and adjust it through my own
software... so some of the files are only available on my
site in their altered state... though they might have the
same names in some cases - as others. But - I also
encounter many, many versions of the same title when I am
out surfing and picking up material which I like. Thank
you for writing to me. Thank you also for the scripture
sharing and appreciation. It was kind and caring of you.
Yours because I'm
His, >From your GYPSY, (Nina)
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PUTTERSPAW@aol.com ~ Subject: A silent moment
Hello Nina, I have visited so many web
pages while I have had AOL on my computer but I can
honestly say I have never visited a page as touching as
yours. Your tribute to your son touched my heart deeply.
Death can be such a horrible thing to bear but by reading
your words and writings someone that has suffered as you
have should be able to see your light and go on. I thank
you as a human being for bringing the world your light.
Hello
again, Rick; Thank you so much for signing in!
(I knew you would!) Hugs for {{{{{{{The Rose Man!}}}}}}}
*Smile* Your words are so consoling and uplifting for my
spirit. Thank you. You are as sweet as all the roses on
your homepage, put together (even the one with the teddy-bear). The only real comfort in suffering is in the
ability to reach out to help others who suffer too.....
For in knowing that something good comes of the pain and
tragedy, it somehow helps to make sense of it and peace
with it. So thank you for seeing that in the sharing.
Hope you found your way to the humor section? And a few
laughs to go with one of your brews? *giggle* I plan to
marry in a year (or thereabouts) - and I've enclosed a
file of rose pictures from which you may pick and choose
what appeals to you for your page if you like. All shots
are of the same rose - it was the most incredible one
I've ever seen in my life (from the most incredible man
I've known in my life)... he sent it to me with daisies
of various colors, the one red rose, of course, to
signify his love for me. Being an artist, I wanted to
capture many views of it for sketching later (no time in
the summer, with an 8 year-old! *grin*.....so I took all
the pictures with my little digital Casio camera and here
they are to share with "The RoseMan" *S*. The
man I am *unmarrying* saw the rose and bouquet here on my
birthday and he remarked "Is this a Canadian
Rose?!" (rather sarcastically, you understand
*teeheehee*), as the man is in Canada.... though the rose
came from the flower shop here in our own town! Thought
you might enjoy a little background about this special
Canadian-Love-Rose! From your GYPSY, (Nina)
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From:
"Paul" paulrs@i-55.com ~ Very nice webpage ,
Paul; A man
of few words, *grin*, thank you for sharing them.
Yours because I'm His, (Nina)
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From:
Tambrey Fedorko tfedorko@ferrum.edu
I am a Ferrum College graduate. I
remember when your son passed away. It was a very difficult time for the Ferrum Community. A
very good friend of mine Tasya Winand, also a Ferrum
student had passed away about a week prior to your son's
death. I remember the shock on campus that we were going
to go throught the grief all over again. I found your
site by accident and just wanted to let you know that I
found it very inspirational and comforting. Your son was
very lucky to have such a wonderful mother. Your site is
a wonderful way of keeping your son alive for us all.
Thank you.
Tambrey A. Fedorko Admissions Counselor
Ferrum College Ferrum, VA 24088
Dear
Tambrey; Thank you so much for the strokes and
appreciation. It always means so much to me when visitors
take the time to write to me. It is an extra blessing to
me when it is someone from or presently with, Ferrum!
Eric thrived and grew there and although it is where he
died, it is also where he lived most fully! Ferrum was a
wonderful environment for Eric, as it is others today and
I hope will always continue be in the future as well.
Perhaps we will meet one day. Thank you again for your
warm, kind message. Yours because I'm His, Nina
<><
<>< ††† ><> ><>
From:
"dhayes" dhayes@ican.net
I've enjoyed recieving your url and found it to be
refreshing its nice to see someone getting wonderful
ideas out there..keep it up ...writer www.geocities.com/Heartland/Ridge/4967/writer1.html
Hello;
Glad that you enjoyed your visit with us and took time to
let me know! Thank you. I doubt it will ever be finished
- so keep coming back. *S* ~ Yours because I'm His, ~ Your GYPSY, (Nina )
<><
<>< ††† ><> ><>
From: mabrown@msmisp.com (Barbara Brown)
Subject: Signed Guestbook
Hi Nina I've tried several times to write you
a thank you for signing my guestbook and viewing my
pages, but each time the words haven't been right and I
discarded the email before I sent it to you.. So, this
will be a brief thank you until I can finish your pages,
then I will sign your guest book also.. Kathy's birthday
is tomorrow and today was spent thinking back to when she
was born and her growing up years before she became an
adult...the tears in my eyes, the lump in my throat and
the ache in my heart can only be understood by someone
like yourself..no matter how the death of a child occurs,
no matter how young or how old, a mother never expects to
lose their child before they themselves are taken home to
God.. I am grateful for the 31 years I had with her as my
youngest daughter and my best friend. The memories are
precious and can never be taken away from me. I am
grateful for the two handsome young sons she left to
carry on in her absence. Both have a part of her, in
them, that only a mother could see. I am sorry for your
loss and hope and pray that I can show your strength in
the next couple of years..Thank you for your kind words
and again thank you for signing my guestbook. God Bless..
Hello Barbara; I
understand so well about the birthday.
I go through that each year on Erics' birthday too. He
died exactly three months before his 23rd. This year was
the third birthday here without him. If you are going
through the pages of my own site, you will, I'm sure,
find my birthday letter to Eric (July 1st) as well as the
custom I carry out to release one black balloon (black
was his favorite color)- for every year that I have been
his mother. I also leave one red rose there (At Freesoul)
on special occasions. My pages are so numerous that I
thought I would send the link directly to the birthday
letter posted there... it is the last entry to date. The
letter is here.
"I STILL TALK TO ERIC"
Last year I wrote the RedRose poem on his birthday, it is
here~
ONE RED ROSE ~ 2 Corinthians 1: 3 & 4 are the foundation of my grief
support ministry. I hope that you will find some comfort
and strength within the pages and/or with communication
with me if you would like or need to do that. I care so
very much (because I, too, have hurt so very much). Many
of those who write to me have been so kind as to allow
their sharing to be in the guestbook. You may find
something of help or comfort there as well. I never
believe in accidents such as finding your URL - I am sure
that He had a reason to put us in touch with each other.
I am, and always will be, Yours because I'm His,
With love, empathy and compassion ~ Nina
<><
<>< ††† ><> ><>
From: SheoWolf@aol.com
Nina, your web home has grown and is so
beautiful. I had to tell you how wonderful it is... thank
you, sheo
Good Morning Sheo;
{{{{{{{SheoWolf}}}}}}} ~ Because of your writing and
spiritual nature - have wanted to know more about you!
Not sure if you received massage when I wrote and asked
if we could communicate and share in e-mail? I see that
you have added more about yourself there! *Smile* I
sometimes go to your site just to feel the power of your
graphics and writings and the peace and tranquility it
provides.
Thank you, dear one. From your GYPSY, (Nina)
<><
<>< ††† ><> ><>
To: bparris@hiwaay.net
Subject: Eric & Poetry
Hello again Brenda; Somehow, I missed
linking from your mothers' memorial to your other site.
I'm sure that happens to you too? You click on something
and are off onto a journey into uncharted worlds and
territories. At first - I will click on the back button
and return - sometimes even manage to see a whole site at
one time (returning until through) but other times I go
so far and for so long that I suddenly look at the time
or Brandi says wistfully, "Mommy, are you going to
shut down soon?" She is a computer user herself at 8
! and I am startled back into the *real world* and just
call it a day! Anyway.... I'm so glad you had the URL in
your e-mail and I have once again wandered into an
unplanned journey which I will return to finish later,
for this lovely summer morning is calling me out to tend
to the grounds around our humble little cottage
<castle to us! *S*> before the sun gets high and
merciless upon an old womans' head! *g* ~ I am sending
TWO awards to you for this site, Brenda. I appreciate not
only your work - but your tribute and honoring of the
works of the many whom you are sharing by introducing
avenues to finding them. Thank you so very much for doing
this. I will write to you again, but for now - wanted to
send these awards and my sincerely appreciative
"Thank you" for this site. It is one of the
best - "No!" - actually, it is THE best of its'
kind I have ever come across on the net. I link the Eric
award directly to him, and the Misty Blue Mountain award
to the main site, as you already know. Following in the
next e-mail immediately after this one, are the two
letters I use to send these awards separately. I will
also include both awards in case it may be easier for you
to work with if you deleted the other
award file after placing it on your mothers' site. I am
sure we will "meet again" and perhaps, even
find our way to an e-mail relationship.... Who knows? *S*
God is blessing you and through you, dear one! Please
forgive the double entry in your guestbook! I have this
"thing" about hating to misspell a persons'
NAME - and somehow, it escaped me that I had done that in
the guestbook entry. I even reviewed it before clicking
"I'm done" !!! Then - as soon as the deed was
accomplished and I saw it on the larger screen - that was
the first thing I saw! I tried to just leave it - but
could not! So - can you edit the guestbook for the one with your misspelled name? If not -
I hope that you won't mind that I redid it.... ? Thanks ~
Yours because I'm His, Your GYPSY, (Nina)
Nina, Thank you so much for presenting
"A Place for the
Humanities"
with your two awards. I'm very honored. These are the
first awards this site has
received. I have placed them at:
http://www.geocities.com/SoHo/Coffeehouse/3321/awards.html
and linked them to your site. ~ That's ok about the guestbook. It was easy to delete the
extra one. I've done that several times in other people's
guestbooks. Sorry for not responding sooner. Yesterday my
husband and I took a ride on the Natchez Trace from north
Mississippi to Nashville and back again late last night.
I made some great pictures of the mountains, old barns,
and even a deer! Thanks again, so much for the awards and
for your kind words. Brenda
A Year to Remember... (Tragedy of Alzheimers')
Hello Brenda; Ah
Ha! So we also have photography and love of old barns in
common? I am so fond of wonderful old barns and weathered
wood - such as tree roots in streams - etc. etc......
*RVBS!* Sounds like such great fun! *S* Stay cool and
have a great day! Love and hugs..... ~ Yours because I'm
His, your Gypsy, (Nina)
<><
<>< ††† ><> ><>
vjfem@hotmail.com Subject: your website
Dear Nina,
I had just visited your website via a link I followed
while searching the net. I tried to sign your guest book,
but couldn't gain access .... therefore this letter! I
can't tell you how moved I was reading all of the
beautifully written words of your hearts. And, how very
moved I was "relating" to the loss of a loved
one. I had not lost a child, but rather my mother who was
THE MOST special person in my life other than my three
daughters and two grandsons. My heart cried out for you
and the pain that you must have endured! I'm really at a
loss for words at the moment .... I was just so very
taken by it all! I will be adding a MEMORIAL PAGE to my
website at
within the next couple of days. Please feel free to visit
my site and consider if you'd like to place a Memorial to
Eric there. God bless you Nina and keep you in His arms
of Comfort as He had kept me for the past 11 years.
You're in my thoughts, Vicki a.k.a. vjfem
Hello Vicki;
Thank you for your warm and compassionate message. This
IS actually the guestbook - I set up my own - as you will
read here if you have time to go and see *why* I have
chosen to set mine up this way. I did have the
traditional guestbooks - but do not like the tags,
cookies and advertisements attached to the use of them...
hence - this form of mailing to me and my having this
separate mailbox to serve the guestbooks
~
Thank you for signing in. May I put this in the
guestbook? We are up to ten of them now - I archive them
when they get past a certain size so that they will load
in an efficient manner. I will visit your site in a few
days when you have the memorial page up and will surely
join you there! *S*... See you then. Meanwhile - please
do get back to me to see if I should put your message
up.... I appreciate your communicating with me after
visiting!
Yours because I'm His, your GYPSY, (Nina)
<><
<>< ††† ><> ><>
Alexandra
Grey alexandra_grey@yahoo.com
hi ; just wanted to say that you've
gotten a great site and some excellent graphics ;-) keep
up the good work! Alexandra
http://www.geocities.com/EnchantedForest/Glade/4019
"RALPH
G. HATTON" rghatton@bconnex.net
I too have lost someone I love very dear
and I know the pain you feel and
the joy of knowing your loved one.A tribute like this is
very special.
Hello Ralph; Thank
you for your message and affirmation. I am sorry that you
have lost a loved one. Thank you for sharing that. I hope
you are healing and growing through it.
Yours because I'm His, your GYPSY, (Nina)
<><
<>< ††† ><> ><>
Rhonda gotch@Clover.net
Nina, I wanted you to know how beautiful
your pages are*Smile* They really touch the heart:) God
Bless you in you wonderful work of spreading his love:)
Rhonda (Kylie on my website and in the chats)
Dear
Rhonda; Thank you for taking time to let me know
you were by to visit and were blessed by your time with
us. Hope that you will visit and share again.
Yours because I'm His, your GYPSY, (Nina)
***
<><
<>< ††† ><> ><>
 Subject:
LIVING IN GRACE
My Dearest Nina, I
have come here many times over the past two years...I
happened to be on the 50+ Chat as a "Newbe" one
night, two years ago, and encountered a good group of
people banding together to help a friend named
"Gypsy" make it through a grief filled time...I
never said a word that night, nor any time since then,
but I felt our souls connect that night, not just because
of the unbearable grief, which lies behind an unbidden
door in all of us, but because of the overwhelming love I
watched, safely hidden behind my screen, being shared by
so many...and it goes on and on through your words and
those of Eric's. I understand that connection you have
with your son...it is the same one I have with mine...it
is unique, isn't it. I'll bet you were told that in
different ways throughout the years you spent with him
all his life...death doesn't change that, does it...I
never felt death would change it, and you have proven
it...the power that you bring to your pages, your words,
could not have been born of death...they were born of
life...the life you shared with Eric, the love you shared
with him...what an immense blessing for all of us that
you have chosen to give that sacred place within your
soul, wings...I am not normally a communicator on the
Internet, but I must have been led to that chat room that
night...I feel blessed to have been given this
connection...I do not believe in coincidences, so I will
send out the light, love and blessings to you now...and
thank you for breaching that universal gap.
God's Own, Judy York
~ jlyork@ix.netcom.com
My Dear
Judy;
Your message was and IS so warm and soothing - Thank you
very much for sending it to me. Do you write also? I
visited your page and saw your prose, but wondered if you
do other writing as well? Your choice and use of words is
beautiful. Warm, profound... and poetic. I could feel
them like a soothing, perfumed oil anointing my spirit.
Oh, thank you, Judy.... They felt so good. I know that I
should not have favorites of e-mail messages - but over
the last few years - I do. I won't justify or excuse it,
and I appreciate every single word and message with all
my heart - but some touch my soul so intimately that I
would have to say that they are favorites. Yours is in
that category. When souls touch so that you feel another
being in that way - it is apart from everyday experiences
and I would have to categorize those times as favorites.
Such communications are what continues to help me to heal
and grow daily. How loving and compassionate you are. I
am glad that we ~met~ then and now. Your "TEA AT
DAWN" reminded me of Erics' style of prose/poetry.
{This is good!} His was a unique and profound style which
I loved well. Say hello to the ~Room-mates~ at 50plus. I
never get to chat anymore- but think of them often and
wish to send hugs and love to all through you if/when you
think of it?! Hope to hear from you again Judy. ~ Yours
because I'm His, From your GYPSY, (Nina)
<><
<>< ††† ><> ><>
From:
"Amanda C. Ackley" NST1313@ferrum.edu
Subject: Memorial site for Eric/Iron Blade
Dear Ms. Baker, A friend of
mine, another student who attended Ferrum, sent
me the Memorial Site for your son Eric. I read the entire
thing. It's very beautiful, very touching. My friend sent
me this site after viewing something I have been working
on for Ferrum. I am a staff writer on the Iron Blade, and
by suggestion of Dr. Whited, recently added a Past and
Present Member Directory. What I was wondering is if you
would like Eric to be listed amongst the other names, and
if so, would you like the website you created for him
listed as well?
The Iron Blade page can be found at http://www.ferrum.edu/ironblade
Sincerely, Amanda Catherine Ackley http://www.ferrum.edu
"Death
is not the greatest loss in life; the greatest loss in
life is what
dies inside of us while we are still alive." - Norman Cousins
~
"To be free is to have achieved your life." - Tennessee Williams
Hello Amanda;
Visited your site and am sending you two awards for the
site - hoping that you will put up an awards page and use
them - they are deserved. I liked the pages very much,
and will be visiting them regularly! Eric would have been
so proud of it all! *RVBS!* I am also enclosing a picture
of Eric which you might want to use if you are
considering having any in the directory/listing. He did
not like to sit for pictures and this was one of very few
that he actually ~allowed me to take and is one of my
favorites. Gee - if you saw the WHOLE URL - you must have
been "with me" for a very long time! *Wink
& Smile!* The answer to your inquiry is a definite
"Yes" to anything and everything you might want
to do regarding Eric and your creative work with the
proposed directory! I will be interested in following
your work and creativity. Thank you so very much for
contacting me. You may even want to use the awards in the
directory where you include the site URL and where you
list Eric? Particularly since the ENGLISH award at Ferrum
is now given in Erics' name? I appreciate your sharing
your thoughts/feelings about site. I also like your
e-mail signatures - so am including them here *grin* .
The awards will follow with the presenting e-mail message
for linking if you chose to use them.
Yours because I am His, your GYPSY, (Nina)
<><
<>< ††† ><> ><>
TWIN21@webtv.net (Marvel Lowry)
Subject: your homepage
Thanks for your Christian witness on
your homepage. May God direct many to it and accept the
Lord as their personal savior. Loved the picture that
depicts the cross as a bridge and that Jesus is the only
way to God. God bless you and yours! Love in Christ, ~
Marvel <><
Hello
Marvel; Thank you for sharing your appreciation
of the pages. That particular picture is also a favorite
of mine. I don't get to do much page-work in summer...
but do return in the Fall when I will be adding to it for
sure!
Yours because I'm His, your GYPSY, (Nina)
<>< <>< ††† ><>
><>
From:
Roberta Baker rachel@whro.net
Subject: Your Homepage
Nina: I found this page because you and I share a
name: Roberta Baker. Yours is much prettier than
mine, as I got boy's names for first and middle, and you
got Nina which in Hebrew means pearl. I am a big lover of
frogs -- my bathroom is full of them (not real ones, of
course). And I live in Virginia. And I lost a child. My
rabbi tells me there are no coincidences. I believe him.
I wish you well. Your page brought me a great sense of
calm. Bless you for what you've done. ~~~ RSB
Hello
Roberta; Thank you for sharing with me. We
didn't chose to share names - but it seems rather neat
that it is what brought us together. Sorry that we share
the tragedy of mourning a child. Would probably be nice
to share some e-mails if you like? If so - send to my
personal mailbox which is gypsy@shentel.net if you would like it to be
personal and not on the page, or here if you would like
to share your loss and your dealing with the loss?. Not
knowing where in Virginia you reside - I'm not sure how
closely we are physical neighbors... but certainly in
spirit we are close. *smile* You blessed me today with
your message.
Yours because I'm His, your GYPSY, (Nina)
<><
<>< ††† ><> ><>
Subject:
great job!!!!!!!!! thank you
11400-35BD0131-435@mailtod-161.iap.bryant.webtv.net
THAT WAS SO REFRESHING TO READ AND THE MUSIC WAS ENJOYED
SO MUCH. THANKING YOU AGAIN.
GRAMS07@webtv.net (SAMMYE GRIFFIN)
sambo07@webtv.net (sammye griffin)
Hello Sammye;
Interesting signature! *S* Music and all! I put it in the
guestbook to share with visitors! Enjoyed it. Thanks for
~waving~ at me and letting me know you enjoyed your
visit! Come back again!
Yours because I'm His, your GYPSY, (Nina)
<><
<>< ††† ><> ><>
Verne
Baker vbaker@feist.com
Subject: I'm back
Hi Nina - Just a note to let you know
that I revisited your web site again tonight
and was blessed by the "Window" story. May I
share that with some of my friends? Thanks again for your
wonderful site. ~ God bless....... V Baker
Well, of course you
may - Vern! Thanks for returning. It is always
nice to hear from friends and visitors and know that they
found something they enjoyed. Right now I'm not doing
much more than keeping up with the grief support ministry
and guestbook - will be adding new material in the Fall.
I kind of let things stand for this summer - having too
much fun to be at the computer working!
Yours because I'm His, your GYPSY, (Nina)
<><
<>< ††† ><> ><>
Subject:
Hello
20241-35BDF915-10106@mailtod-131.iap.bryant.webtv.net
My name is Marcia. I am writing to tell
you how much your site has touched me. I have a son and
can't imagine. I live for him now. I am very ill with
lupus, fibromyalgia, myositis, vasculitus raynauds and
now they think maybe crohns. I battle everyday of my
life. I am trying so hard to keep going and at times it
doesnt seem like i can. But when i look in my 6 year olds
face I know I have to. I have such great support from my
husband and am so thankful for that. I know through Gods'
grace I will make it and you too. THANKS for such a
lovely site. Marcia
Hello Marcia; Thank
you for stopping to write to me as you left. I appreciate
that kindness. On a personal note - I would like you to
go read the following and think about going out to get
some MSM and trying it. It is very inexpensive - similar
to a vitamin-C complex price - and entirely non-toxic at
any dose. Perhaps it is why God had you find me and share
your condition with me. I have personally experienced the
wonders of this substance (sulfur) and have shared it
with countless others who also have found it to be the
missing-link they needed. Please let me know how you do
after trying it? The first day that I
took it - I found that by the end of the day I was not in
pain - and I have lived a lifetime with pain due to a
metabolic inadequacy where my joints do not metabolize
lactic acid as they should and therefore build up an
inflammation and chronic pain. It was the first time in
my life that I ever knew the experience of being
pain-free. I hope that you may find a miracle for
yourself in it too - PLEASE read the information I've
posted after researching the net and the resources there.
The MSM can be purchased most everywhere these days. Most
of it (the sulfur) is derived from trees and in the
beginning - it is known as DMSO (and still is used by
veterinarians in that form). This new isolated sulfur is
pure, tasteless and odorless. You can get it in crystals
(best pricing) and in tablet form. (they also make
shampoos and creams)
MSM ~ Thank you again for visiting and sharing! Yours because
I'm His your Gypsy, (Nina)
<><
<>< ††† ><> ><>
(The Whitney's)
My e-mail addy is: susaneckler@sprintmail.com
Subject: Hello Nina!
My name is Susan :) - What an absolutely
breathtaking site you have (my jaw is still on the floor
with awe, forgive me!...LOLOLOL)...and just soooo much of
a variety of things you offer! Your graphics are
lovely...and ALL the poetry brought me to welling with
tears...I'm soooo sorry about your son! He will live in
everyone's heart who reads his poetry...including
me...*Tight Hug* I've been on many family trips to the
Blue Ridge Mountains of Virginia...and remember them all
as blessings my folks gave to my sister and I when we
were growing up! *Smiles*
Our site is a bit on the inspirational
side...we are a couple who have met on the web about 4
months ago...met each other for the 1st time 2 weeks
ago...and we'll be getting married next year! (I am
looking forward to your update on your marital status
*Smiles* ) Our whole site was done through e-mailing each
other, chatting and many many long distance phone
calls...we live 1,200 miles from each other! I have never
used a pute before March of this year (never even touched
a keyboard of any kind til then) and 2 weeks after I
started to learn how to chat on ICQ and met Ron my
fiance, he has taught me everything I know so far...my
hero! *Smiles* He put me in charge of collecting all the
graphics/backgrounds/midis/etc. and doing the outlines
for all our pages...we shared on the writing...and he did
all the techy stuff by putting us up onto the web and all
the linking...LOLOL...what a team! *Smiles* We hope
you'll feel right at home...and upon leaving will have a
smile and uplifted spirits! Looking forward to hearing
from you soon! ~ Take care and God bless, Susan
:)
Hello Susan! ~
Well - what a coincidence - My fiancée and I met through
my prayer and spiritual pages in November. !!! Our first
real life visit was in May and he just left from another
11 day visit! Both in the middle of divorces and never
been in love like this in our lives! My little Brandi is
beside herself with joy that she is going to have a daddy
at last.... ! Both of us were in long-term marriages
lived lives of loneliness and quiet acceptance of the
lovelessness in our marriages (33 and 23 years) Both of
us prayed to God that one day there would be someone...
and then - we met through our love for Him!!! *RVBS!* It
doesn't get much better than this until we enter our
eternal home!!!!! We have rather large families including
both sets of our parents alive and ALL friends and family
just loving our finding each other! It will be a REALLY
big wedding next year!!!!!
How strange the coincidences between us! You met *IRL*on
Erics' birthday and your engagement picture is taken on
MY birthday! Add that to finding our soulmates through
the cyber world - and you have an extended family-bond -
for sure! I HAVE to go now - REALLY!!!! But here is the
Misty Blue Mountain Award and I will check all out
later.... Love and hugs for you both!
Yours because I'm His... your GYPSY, (Nina)
<><
<>< ††† ><> ><>
From: panda-2@webtv.net Subject: WEBPAGE
Hello, just wanted to say I really
enjoyed your homepage and my heart goes out to you and
your family. thanks for sharing. Deb
Thank you Deb, for
waving as you came through! We like hearing form our
visitors. Yours because I'm His, your GYPSY, (Nina)
<><
<>< ††† ><> ><>
Blue Ridge
Meadows
http://www.geocities.com/Heartland/Estates/3960
Hi, I found your page from an award and
I recognized the mountains in the picture so I had to pay
you a visit. I live in Hillsville, VA if you know where
that is we are in Southwestern, VA. One of my websites is
called Blue Ridge Meadows and I'd love to have you drop
by when you can. I enjoyed your page and will be back to
visit you again. It's always so much fun to meet other
people on the web from the Blue Ridge Mountains. God
Bless, Lisa
Well Hello-Neighbor!
Thanks for the wave and invitation - will drop
by in the next few days. *S* ~ Yours because I'm His,
your GYPSY, (Nina)
<><
<>< ††† ><> ><>
Subject: Re:
Nicholas & Eric
Dear Nina, Thank you for writing back again. You
may post my previous letter if you would like. Anything I
could do to help another mother would make me feel really
good. I have a small window between my day and night
jobs, so I can't share right now. Still thinking about
you and hoping that the days keep passing... Take care!
Love, Heather
Hello Heather; Good
to hear from you Heather.... I thought you might like to
have something I wrote (unless I already sent it to you?
It is difficult to keep track of EVERYTHING - but I
haven't shared this recent writing First
Night with many
people.... It was read to our congregation when a little
boy of our church was killed in a playground accident. ~
TWO JOBS? When you get a chance - want to share and
elaborate on that for me? I once had three jobs - WOW!
what a difficult time that was! Love and hugs
{{{{{{{Heather}}}}}}}
Yours because I'm His, your GYPSY, (Nina)
<><
<>< ††† ><> ><>
Subject:
To Nina and Eric
http://www.geocities.com/Paris/Rue/9663/index.html
Dearest
Nina, Such a marvel to see such a great love
that could be for a mother and a son. We are in pain with
you yet in rejoice with the fact that Eric dwells now in
the bosom of the Lord. Nina, your strength now lies not
only in the love you have and get from family and
friends, but with the love that his spirit shower on you
from the calm side of the world. The peace you feel now
is his peace... the little joy, his joy... Thank you for
sharing your testimony of your great love... May the
power of love be with you always! Your dearest friends,
James and Ness We would be honored to have you
visit and share with us your loving thoughts..
The Greatest Love Songs -A True Romance-
Hello James
& Ness ~ Thank you for sharing your feelings
and thoughts with me here. So often people think that it
is a small thing and that there are plenty of messages
already sent and that theirs' would not be of much
significance - But every word, every line, every new name
that signs and sends messages to me - is cherished beyond
words! It tells me that others have read Erics' works and
shared his thoughts and perspectives and possibly been
blessed or helped to heal by our works. I especially like
those messages like yours that tell me that they see the
nature and eternal immortality of the bond of love that
soulmates share. Love which, as Eric says, in the words
of his poem THIS DAY, "transcends the scope of age" Your site is beautiful and I
have enjoyed what I have seen so far, (not finished yet -
but when I am - I will sign your guestbook and you will
know. *smiles* Thank you for being here and sharing with
me,
Love and hugs, yours because I'm His, your GYPSY, (Nina)
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<>< ††† ><> ><>
"Heather
Heinrich" ahheinrich@email.msn.com
Dear Nina, I would love to read your
writing that was read to your congregation when a little
boy from your church was killed in an accident. Thanks
for writing back all the time. It is really difficult to
feel so alone, and it helps me to hear from another
mother. I try to keep really busy so that I don't have
too much time to feel sorry for myself. My way of coping
is to work, work, work. My primary job is working as an
instructor in a day program for adults diagnosed with
mental retardation. My evening job is working for the
same company as fill-in staff for residences where the
clients live. It is like having a bunch of children in
adult bodies that I do not have to bring home with me at
the end of the night. I also do respite care through an
agency, where clients with mental retardation come to
live with me for short periods while their family living
providers (foster care providers for adults) have a
break. It does not leave much time for me, and for my
husband either, but it is the best that I know to do
right now. Besides that, we can really use the money. We
have a lot of debt from Nicholas's short life, not only
the actual medical bills, but the credit card bills from
charging gasoline, meals, and anything else we needed
when we did not have the cash. I just don't feel right
having that hanging over me, even though I know that
people understand and would be patient with us while we
are repaying everything. Ten more days until the first
anniversary of Nicholas's death. Could it really have
been a year already? It breaks my heart to think about
what he would be doing today if only... ~ Take
care! Love, Heather
Hello Heather;
Sorrow has touched my heart once more,
for in the morning, in Richmond, I will be attending the
funeral of one of Erics' very best friends, Scott Cser,
who died Tuesday afternoon of a terribly aggressive
cancer which he fought bravely. There is a little
"pocket card" I used to sell (can't find it
anymore) at my Christian Bookstore (I established 20
years ago). It was called LOSS - I will insert it here
for you....
~*~
Loss by Anon E. Muss
When the knife of separation cleaves our heart and
sections this time in space from the rest the pain comes
in a heavy, dark fog, a suffocating blanket. It wends
its' way along the hidden by-ways of the mind and touches
the empty spaces in the heart, where love or longing for
love once resided, but is no more In a tick of a second,
loss plucks a chunk from the heart, and in that moment,
the pain overwhelms us and we feel it will never heal.
But time soothes the wound, for new love grows around it.
It never completely disappears, it will be touched again,
when a new space is created. The spaces remain,
regardless of the passing years
They become a part of the heart that never lets you
forget, The joy, and love, and life that once filled
them. Memories of love now fill the voids, although pain
is now mingled with the joy ~ Would life be better for
not suffering loss? Never losing what we love? Without
the empty spaces, how would we know the fulfillment? Life
is strange, for love is never lost. Love never grows
cold, it never dies. Love lives on to warm the cold
morning hours, And blooms in the snow like a bouquet of
flowers.
-------------------------------------
The poem First Thoughts, is
here http://www.user.shentel.net/nbaker/First.htm It will hurt, but it will help the
healing too.... It is linked from the guestbook - but
this address will take you directly there. Pain brings
its' own healing of sorrow. I have found that the
simplicity of feeling our feelings, particularly when
sorrow comes to us (which the greater majority of the
world frowns upon and tries to subdue in us) is healing.
In the last few years since Erics' death, I have found
that pain is indeed our friend. Sorrow and mourning are
measured by the depth of love felt and shared.... It is
natural and has purposes beyond what we can truly know
"here". Sad to say - I have met many, through
this ministry, whose whole lives and personalities have
changed negatively when sorrow came. For some, Oh how I
praise the Lord for this, who have found their way to my
site... healing has come through sharing my own mourning
which opened the door fully to acceptance of their own...
Some have told me that it felt as though, for the first
time, they found permission... a haven of safety and
acceptance of feelings which they suppressed at the
insistence of friends and family to "move on and put
it behind you". To which, I cry out -
"Nay"..... do not do that - for it will live
within you in a secret place of darkness which is where
you will have to store even the good memories of the lost
loved one.... No, let us embrace suffering of mourning -
for we are embracing the loved one and it is a tribute to
the immortality of that love and the life they lived and
our relationship with them. When we lose our loved one,
it is better to bear the grief and allow the natural flow
of it to come and go until it subsides with the healing
of time and perspectives which allow us to carry on and
keep the precious memories alive - and that is how it
should be - for I do not believe that love must ever
die.... I sense in your writings to me, that you are
doing exactly what you must allow yourself to do. I
applaud you for that... It is a rare and beautiful thing
- and you will always have Nicholas with you because you
have the courage to mourn him, which at the same time,
celebrates his life! Sounds like an oxymoron... but it is
not, really. It is all to do with love and cherishing. *If
only* - ah, yes!.....how well I remember the
incredible number of those thoughts I was capable of
coming up with.... the following little writing is a good
one to ward off the evil of those most terrible of
afflictions (for they breed despair - and despair is
actually a non-acceptance of what we cannot change - and
it can harm us and hurt us unmercifully... it is
relentless and feeds upon itself to no end or good
purpose... I must go now - we (Brandi and I) are going to
Richmond tonight - for the funeral is early in the
morning. We will be staying with Brian - another of the
Ferrum-gang *S* I will also send you a copy of the last visit I had
with Scott a few days
before he died..... Your work must be quite rewarding
spiritually... Yes? I believe that work is the best
therapy for pain.... It allows something good to come of
it directly and immediately! *s* I have such a clean
house when I hurt!!!!! *grin* Write whenever you feel
like it.... I am one with you in that path you are on a
little way behind me, and I will always be ready to reach
back and help and assure you that we do go on and life
can be beautiful in spite of the ache and sometimes
agony... *Tight hugs* (((((((Heather)))))))
With love, your GYPSY, (Nina)
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<>< ††† ><> ><>
S Shambaugh bearlyheard@mindspring.com
Subject: RE Eric
Dear Nina, Well, I cannot begin to tell
you how many tears I have shed as I have
read the entire story! And my...How I can relate to it!!
Our son George Henry Shambaugh (Georgie) died suddenly on
March 13th 1989. Oh, it may seem like a long time ago to
many... but to me...it is yesterday.. Georgie was as your
Eric, loved by everyone and so full of caring for all
mankind... He left behind a 1 year old little girl...(we
thank God each day for this angel) and a 25 year old
widow.. We were such a very close family and life is now
very different...We have another precious son who is our
love, as was his 4 year older brother.. But no one can
ever take the place of Eric or Georgie.. We lived in
Jacksonville NC at the time of Georgie's death and have
now moved to Smithfield, to be nearer our son, Paul
Eric..Yes, his middle name is Eric..You are a phenomenal
woman for I took much longer (am still trying ) to accept
this wonderful son's death! You see, I
watched as so many of the "bad guys" continue
to exist and our loving Christian son is gone! Oh Yes, my
friend...I heard everything from ...It was God's will to
...well you have another son... I have learned what *not
to say... Amazingly I found your story by sheer accident
as I was looking to download crescendo! How very
unusual!! Our son died of a very rare dis-order called
Sudden Arrhythmia Death Syndrome (SADS) The electricity
from the brain either stops or does not go *through the
heart!! He was a guitar, banjo and all stringed
instruments teacher and he lived next door to us.. He
went to work at 10:00 A.M. and when the phone rang at
10:45 I knew without answering the phone...Strange, so
very strange...But I knew.. Well, I too, have written a
story and if you are interested, please reply and if not,
I understand. I would like very much to know how you are
doing. We traveled through Rocky Mount, Va...(we have one
here in NC also) just a few days ago.. Thank you for
listening and thank you for sharing your remarkable
story....I was sent a URL from someone a long while
back...Angelblueyes.... and if you wish to read the poem
I wrote for her, please let me know..My husband and I are
also 50+ *S*
Sincerely, Samantha
My Dear Samantha; Thank you so very much
for writing to me. It is so sad and bittersweet to meet
each new friend with whom I share that bond and
understanding which comes only of sharing such a loss as
ours. Did you happen to see the message I wrote recently
when a small child of our church congregation was killed?
You may see it here FirstThoughts
It is very difficult to know what to say to a grieving
parent and I think that the most comforting communication
is a warm and sincere embrace and doesn't really need
words - for there are none... not really... Not in the
acute stages. And even today... though this is my third year without Eric,
sometimes it overwhelms me like the first days. I suppose
that there will always be those sudden and unexpected
overwhelming waves which crash over us just `out of the
blue'.(?) Or those little `lost spells' when we slip away
into memories and lose ourselves for a while (or perhaps
it is not losing, but returning to, a part of ourselves
which exists in a yesterday we can only visit a while?).
Little things trigger it - like when someone asks how
many children you have and you stumble over saying two?
or three? - For they are still our children whether they
be in Eternity awaiting us or here in this realm with us
yet... I am greatly comforted in returning to Freesoul
Rock where I will also be scattered when I go to be with
him again forever. It is a
great comfort to me to spend time in the memorial area I
created for him and to him, here at our house (built
where his swing and gym-set once were anchored and where
he spent many hours of his joyful and carefree childhood
days here in this home where he was born. As for how I am
doing? Well - I would never have set up a homepage... had
it not been for Erics' desire to be read in the world and
to have his thoughts and works shared with others. In
doing that for him - a very meaningful (and large) grief
support (and also dealing with people who just hurt or
are alienated from God and/or others in their lives).
Beside that also - a whole new world of friends and some
deep and meaningful relationships have been established
to stay in my life! One of those is a soulmate whom I
will marry within
a year. *VBS!* That could never have happened if it were
not for Eric, and it was a very strong desire in him that
I do something like that! I objected and told him
"No way, Eric. N-E-V-E-R again! And yet - through
the spiritual pages on my site, my
fiancé and I met and began a
wonderful friendship 9 months ago and last month became
engaged. I will share more about that in time to come...
but since you asked... I'm sharing that with you ahead of
time *grin* Yes, Samantha, I would very much like to hear
the story you wrote and visit the site you speak of!
Please send to me? I have my seventh grandchild, Brandi,
whom I have had and raised for 8 years (she will be nine
in October)... and I am a bit behind on page-work for the
URL as we are outdoors most every afternoon all summer...
and evenings slip away so quickly with preserving foods
and just enjoying our time together in general. I will be
doing more net-surfing, visiting and building more on our
own URL come winter! Do you have a homepage? How
wonderful that you had all that time and wonderful
memories of such a special son as Georgie! And his little
daughter! That is a source of the greatest strength I
have - in remembering to thank our Lord for all those
years I had him with me instead of asking why about those
I didn't have with him. Thank you again for writing and I
hope that you will write again and share what you
mentioned that you wrote, with me. May I also put it in
the guestbook to share with others? *Warm hugs, love and
friendship/kinship* {{{{{{{Samantha}}}}}}}
Yours because I'm His.... your GYPSY, (Nina)
<><
<>< ††† ><> ><>
From:
"James and Necie" hanako1@interlink.or.jp
Dearst
Nina and Eric, Thank you for your E-mail. Eric's
poem "This Day" truly goes beyond the elements
of time just as the love between you and him... How have
you been? We had been hoping to hear from you again as we
are truly delighted with your E-mail... We would like to
know your thoughts about us... Here's wishing you a
wondrous day! Your written thoughts would be an honor for
us... We'll be expecting you soon and we'll
welcome you with warm hearts.. Yours sincerely,
James and Ness
The Greatest Love Songs -A True Romance-
Hello
dear Friends; Please forgive the time which has
gone by without my finishing my visit with you. It is all
that I can do to keep up with just the e-mail alone! I
find that with an 8-year-old, and Summer/Fall food
preservation (which I simple love to do!)... and the
lovely outdoor days and evenings to be enjoyed... I do
not get much time to net-surf at all! Just finished up
the peach season (about 220 quarts) and now it is
tomatoes. Also - with the hurricane Bonnie moving in on
us... we pulled all the pears from our tree... (two and a
half bushel!) and now they are quickly ripening even in
the two days! So that chore will be next to `can' for our
pantry. Yours' is at the top of the list (and is the last
one I did visit) - so it will be first when we have a
little rainy spell or when school begins next week
(Wednesday). I WILL be back to finish my visit and to
sign in your guestbook! Promise! *RVBS!* ~~~~~~waving Bye
for now, love and hugs ~ {{{{{{{James & Necie}}}}}}}
Yours because I'm His, your GYPSY, (Nina)
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<>< ††† ><> ><>
From: margarpax@webtv.net (Kathleen Paxia)
Subject: my tears ~ i feel the pain of loss I can hear the
heart break I saw the light and came back - Take my hand
- I love you and will hold on to you. my name is Kathy
and want to be your friend - you are so beautiful inside
and out - you have touched not only my heart but my very
soul these chills as I went thru your sight is my being
raising up for you and all the people who want just a
little peace and comfort and to know someone cares as you
do. So do I from the bottom of my heart. You are so truly
beautiful ~ kathy ~ love, lollipops and roses
Dear Kathy;
Thank you for writing to me and for your
expression of compassion and appreciation. It means so
much to me to hear from our visitors. *Smiling* Thank you
for your loving empathy for/with us... I hope that you
will visit again. I apologize for the length of time
before my response, but I just returned from 8 days in
Canada (my first time out of U.S.A.) God bless and keep you always, I am...
Yours because I'm His, your GYPSY, (Nina)
<><
<>< ††† ><> ><>
Charlotte
Rowley selkirk@cia-g.com
Subject: THE BEST
This is the best site I have seen in my
short time playing on the net. The music is very nice the
jokes are clean. The poetry beautiful the graffics the
best I have seen. I am disabled and on oxygen so I sit a
lot. Because of depression to have something to do I
started messing with computers for the first time about 8
months ago. I have had no training but just set down and
turn it on. I played Video games till they are no
challenge anymore I wore out a Sega Game gear. Just
trying to keep my mind off my problems. Sites like yours
are a gift from God!!!!!!!!!!! THANK YOU
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AL ROWLEY
Charlotte Rowley selkirk@cia-g.com
It me
again. I forgot to tell you my wife is a nut about frogs.
I bought a small Ford Ranger. Because it was green I
named it the Frog. It was green and liked to be around
ponds and lakes. That was my first mistake. My wife went
nuts for frogs ever time she sees a frog she buys it. I
traded the frog in and got a Mercury Mountaineer Green
also it is the Toad because it is larger than the Frog
was. The back end of the Toad looks like a frog disaster
area frogs everywhere. The Manager at Sonic where my wife
buys her cokes, calls me the prince because of all the
frogs in the Toad. When I was in the Hospital she brought
stuffed frogs as a gift. What a croak. AGAIN THANK YOU
FOR YOUR WONDERFUL SITE ~ AL ROWLEY.
Dear Al;
Gee... Thanks for all the praise and
appreciation. It blesses me so very much to receive the
~strokes~ Thank you for stopping and taking the time to
appreciate me! *g* I haven't put much up over the summer
- just so little time to spend at computer and what I did
manage to have was primarily related to the grief-support
ministry which grew out of Erics' memorial.... When the
weather turns cold again I will be getting back to the
unfinished projects on our site. Cute about the
relativity to frogs. I love them too - Brandi even gave
me one for Christmas last year which croaks "Jingle
Bells"! *Teeheehee* Would love to hear more about
you... logistics, health and family. Is the oxygen need a
permanent condition? Thanks again for your contact and
support
Yours because I'm His, your GYPSY, (Nina)
I needed to say again what wonderful
site you have. I don't care what others say. The jokes
are very nice and clean. I will recommend your site even
to my Mother. She can't see very well any more but the
music alone she would like. I do not know how to put it
in words. What a lift your site has been to me. There I
go again getting all mushy. I really do mean it is the
best. I guess what I am trying to say is.... WAY TO GO
GYPSY. AGAIN THANK YOU!!!!! Nice doesn't even come close
for this site. I am at a lose for the words to describe
what this site has done for me. THANK YOU DOESN'T DO IT
EITHER. The only thing left to say is, God works through
you. I do not know what else to say.
AL ROWLEY
Hello Again Al; Well,
what a great e-mail just full of all the information I
would likely ask if we had just met in real life
situation and we were sharing! Nice! Thank you. I have
three e-mail addresses - one for Brandi, one for the page
and one for just me. If you want to be put in the page
guestbook sharing.. write to this one as you have been,
but if you would like to talk ~privately, send to gypsy@shentel.net ~ I am assuming that this message you
would prefer to be private? Or would you like it on the
page? When it comes to the weight issue which is
compromising your health, I have a question. Have you
ever looked into the carbohydrate restriction way of
eating (Remember the Stillman-diet and others such as Dr.
Atkins?) It is the best way to at least begin - and I
would highly recommend it because I have pretty much
maintained on that lifestyle for a long time now. The
best thing about it is that you can eat and eat and eat
all (and more) than you could want - you just eat ONLY
those `safe' foods. No kidding! The principle is that you
switch your system into a fat-burning one. So the more
fat & protein you eat - the more fat you actually
burn. The more you can get yourself to eat - the more you
will lose! It works. So when someone is already very
overweight, they have that encouraging benefit of eating
to lose. No struggle with will-power or anything! Years
ago, when I first began the regime - I used to crave
fruit terribly - but now I have these wonderful Jellos
made with Nutrasweet and they satisfy that sweet and
fruit craving just fine with zero carbohydrates! If you
would be interested in more - please let me know? In a
hurry right now - will write more later. My Bill-Bear
(fiancée') is here with us until the 8th and I don't
have much time to spare *grin*
Love and hugs, yours because I'm His, your GYPSY, (Nina)
Nice to here from you, as to the
question of weight lose. I am working with the dietician
at the hospital. She says I eat better than she dose. It
is not what I eat it how much. Since I went in the
hospital the first time I have lost close to 60 lbs. When
I got laid off from the mines in 83. I sat around and did
nothing but drink beer. It has been six to eight month
since the last beer. Now I am paying for it. My favorite
food is fresh salad I make them my self. I don't use
lettuce I use red cabbage, green onions, red, green,
yellow bell pepper, leeks, turnips, cucumber, carrots,
and cheery tomatoes. The reason I don't use lettuce in my
salad I cook with it. I will make stir the or take two
hamburger patties put salad between wrap in foil or in
backing dish either grill it or back it. I will grill or
bake a piece of meat usually fish or chicken sometimes
pork. The dietician said after it is cooked no bigger
then a deck of cards and all the salad I want. This is
going to sound strange. When I went in hospital the first
time the dietician said I drank way to much water. I cut
way back on it and lost 12 lbs the first night. It has
been tough but my faith in the Lord has seen me through
so far. Some days all I want to do is read the Bible
because of the depression. I had turned away from the
church because when my wife almost lost her mind mental
health told her to remove her name from the church
records. I stopped going to keep piece in the family and
keep it together. When I was in the hospital a doctor
whom I had never met told
me I need to get down on my knees and talk to the Lord.
This was a real shook to have a doctor tell me that. From
that day forward I have been trying to get back to the
Lord. The internet has been a great help. I have found a
lot of wonderful sites. AGAIN YOURS IS ONE OF THE BEST I
HAVE SEEN. THANK
YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AL
~  PS; if
you put this on the page maybe some will see and write to
me, it couldn't hurt
Hello again, (and
again) Al; Okay, you've got it! Gee! You are
going to spoil me with all those wonderful strokes (but
go ahead and do it anyway, I don't mind at all! *giggle*)
In all seriousness, the responses I receive from the site
are so precious to me, Al, each and every one of them!
Those gracious and loving souls who touch mine are a
union beyond the limited physical realm. Thank you for
joining with me spiritually, and for affirming me and my
work. It seems odd to call my sharing a work - and it
certainly is work at times, but it is more a ministry of
healing for myself and others who find me. *smiling*
If you only knew what a lift your site
has given me. Like I have said before you are a gift from
GOD. THANK YOU HE LIVES ~~~ AL
Subject: hi from A<3 weeks
later here>
Just a line to let
you know how things are. My wife and I went to
Church last Sunday. It was the best thing I have done in
a long time. A real boost to my sprit. That was the first
time I was in Church in 15 years. I have also found a
chat room. That is a big help I can talk to pepole about
my problems. Most of the pepole in their have the same
problems I have or worse. We can share the pain and the
tears. Thank you for all you did for me. ALWAYS YOUR
FRIEND AL
From: Al via the Virtual Florist selkirk@cia-g.com
This message is to inform you that Al has created a
Virtual Flower Bouquet
for GYPSY
Virtual
Flower Bouquet
HI GYPSY - Just a little token of my fealings about what
a help you have been in my life, ~~~ Al
Subject: Flowers...
Dear Al.... The flowers were lovely and I love roses.....
But your message was the sweetest gift of all. You are a
dear... ~Yours because I'm His... From your GYPSY, (Nina)
Hello Dear Brother; Thank
you so very much for writing and sharing that! You
really made my day! with me - *S* ~ I get pretty lonely
for Eric around this time of the year...Thanksgiving has
always been my favorite F-A-M-I-L-Y holiday and as the
stores begin to put up their wares (along with the
Halloween stuff which I try to ignore while at the same
time praying earnestly about!) Thanksgiving will just
never-ever be "right" again for me without my
Eric.... This year the `grieving' began early for me as I
have been rushing around a bit trying to
get things in order for yet another surgery for me on
Tuesday. It was just this time last year when I'd
completed my 5 years of joint surgeries and thought I was
done! Then injured my knee in a lawn-tractor accident in
June and in spite of all
efforts to avoid it - here I go again... Hearing
from those who are helped is so healing for me,
for you see, that is the greatest good which could come
from anything and that is what God has promised us. that
he will use all things for good if we allow Him to. And
He certainly is.... and then comforted me through you by
letting me know! Thank you so much. I am very pleased
that you are being ministered to by sharing yourself with
others! *RVBS!* Keep sharing with me! (Though I may be
prevented from signing on for some days or a week - I
will return soon after Tuesday. Love and hugs, always
yours because I'm His,
Yours because I'm His, From your GYPSY, (Nina)
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