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Date: Mon,
28 Jun 1999 19:38:13 EDT
Subject: Just some frogs
This was so adorable! ~ Thanks for cheering me up!
You are most
welcome! Hugs,
Yours because I'm His, Your gypsy, (Nina)
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From: Girly047@aol.com
Subject: my son......your son
Thank you so much for this page.......you see I, too
lost a son.....and this Saturday is his birthday...
as you so well know this is one of the hardest days
and weeks before it to get through.... my sons' name
was Alan....he was 27 when he fell from a ladder
only to be left in a coma for a month ....he died
NEW YEARS' morning 1992.....the pain never leaves
nor subsides as you well know...may God bless you
.....my thoughts are with you .....we are the elect
few who has buried children.....not right....is
it???
From one mother to another; Yes, I
DO know what the `special days' mean in poignant
memories. I now celebrate his `earthly graduation
day' (April 1st) as his "Eternal life
birthday"... and then his earthly birthday
(July 1st) I cherish the fact that I had him for all
those years between. Still, our mothers' arms are
empty and we yearn for the feel of them, the sound
of their voice, a warm embrace and contentment in
their taking our hand on any occasion and holding on
to each other.... Although losing a child is not
what anyone would choose for themselves, in a way -
it is nice to know that you never did leave them
alone in the world to get along on their own without
you. It's probably common to all who grieve loss of
loved ones in their lives, to travel so many
"not taken" roads in our lives and
circumstances.... I find many blessings in knowing
that Eric lived so well and that his dreams all came
to be fulfilled. He was about 4 when he first asked
if he could go to college. He loved to learn and he
loved to write and he did those both with his whole
being and left a legacy to all who knew and shared
in his life. Thank you so much for writing and
sharing with me. The time between his "two
birthdays" is a very low time for me... with
Mothers' Day and Easter falling in between..... We
go on... but life is never again, `the same' - nor
will it ever be.
Love and a hug from me to you,
Yours because I'm His, your GYPSY, (Nina)
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From: Julie
Wright jwbeagle@wrightwood.net
Subject: Pansies
I came upon your website because I am looking for
seeds or plants in unusual varieties of Pansies.
However, the big surprise for me was that you love
Pansies for exactly the same reason I do. I went
through some very difficult trials last winter (not
really over yet). I had occasion to plant a garden
in October (which, of course is the wrong time of
year). I chose Pansies as part of the planting
because I knew they were resilient. As they
struggled, froze, died back & re-grew through
one of the coldest winters we've ever had, they came
to symbolize my own struggle. Just when the weather
finally warmed enough for them to bloom, rabbits
& ground squirrels chewed them back down to the
ground (how like our own lives!). But as my faith in
my Heavenly Father restores me, I cared for the
garden & with His help, the Pansies are again
flourishing. It just so happens that In The Garden
was my Great Grandmother's favorite song & one
of mine as well. Thank you for a most enjoyable
site.
Julie Wright, Wrightwood, California
~ P. S. If you know where I can get unusual
varieties of Pansies, let me know!
Hello Julie; Thank you for writing to me. *S* ~ Not
sure where you are, geographically, but just in case
you did not know, Fall is the time to plant Pansies,
as they are a bi-annual plant. They grow strong
during a Winters' time and then when they feel the
touch of Spring, they fill out so beautifully and
bloom in amazing splendor all summer and even
through another winter sometimes. After all the
Spring rains - they sometimes get too tall and
rather spindly from rapid growth spurts. This is the
time to cut them way back to give them a rest and
allow them to grow more slowly in tune with the
warmth and they will bloom all the rest of the
summer with steady renewal. They are also kept
strong by removing the flowers when they begin to
die - before they go to seed and use up great energy
in doing so. I let them seed themselves at the end
of the season. Just thought I would share that with
you in case you were not aware of their special
needs as a species. The Lord has blessed me with
beautiful Pansies. The sky blue ones are my
favorite, I think - though I cherish every color! I
hope that you find each plant to be
"unusual" since it made its' way to you to
spend its' life and beauty for your pleasure and
spiritual enrichment. ~ Love and hugs,
Yours because I'm His, your GYPSY, (Nina)
Hi Nina, thank you for
the information on Pansies. I didn't know any of
that stuff about them. Between the rabbits & the
ground squirrels, I have "accidentally done it
right" as to pruning them, etc. When the
rabbits first chewed them down the ground, I was
devastated. As it turns out, they grew back even
better because the "pruning" was actually
good for them. I can't help but draw a parallel to
how we are when we go through trials. We have to
endure with faith and only afterwards are we able to
look back and see how our lives were actually
blessed. Your information explains why they are
flourishing so. I have seeds for some
"antique" shades that I thought it was too
late to start. I will get busy & plant them in
the starter trays & prepare for a new batch of
pansy fun. I am in Southern California which
normally has a long growing season, however I am in
the mountains at 5500 ft. elevation at the edge of
the Mojave desert, so I am in a really unique zone.
Thanks again, Julie
You are certainly welcome, Julie. Anyone who draws
the spiritual analogies of Gods' works and the
beauty He creates in all things - will be blessed to
give them their best TLC. *S* ~ Even the secular
segment of mankind recognizes that pruning is the
kindest cut. So the rabbits did yours for you!
Pansies have few enemies except rabbits or other
little nibblers... and beware of snails who love to
eat the leaves too. If snails come (we had a bad
year with them last year!) a little salt in the soil
will help rid you of them. Rabbits are discouraged
by a little dry blood-meal (from a garden supplier)
sprinkled at the perimeters or your plantings. If
you take any photos of your "antique"
pansies when they bloom, please remember me and
share them in e-mail? I am doing a photo album this
year of the different ones I have now. My daughter
and I are going to see how true the seeds will
germinate in the next few years and then try to keep
them and pass them on to future generations if
possible. If we stay in touch - maybe we will have
some sharing in the future. If you are still going
through difficult times, maybe it would help to
share. Did you visit all of my site? (Quite an
accomplishment if you did! *G*) In the prayer
section, you may like to keep a copy of the special
prayer I wrote in 1993 when I was at the lowest time
of my life and was so broken by circumstances and my
husbands' infidelity that I lost my will to live
altogether and had to be hospitalized in a Christian
recovery program to heal and grow through that
suicidal time. It was a great time of
"pruning" and spiritual healing which
brought me through the loss of my son three years
later.... From that time, I have come to be what I
am today - a useful instrument of comfort, healing
and spiritual strength for others who follow paths I
have traveled before them.... They also help me to
continue to become stronger and blessed in being of
use to our Lord. Here is the prayer.... Where
Are You Lord Nice
to hear from you again! *S*
Love and hugs, Yours because I'm His, Your GYPSY,
(Nina)
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From:
"John Brasfield" jbrasf2@usit.net
Nina; found your site by accident looking for
flowers. Only had a minute to visit. Will for sure
be back. Have a good day in the Lord. John in
Tennessee
Hello John; Thanks for the "quick-wave" as
you passed through! *grinning* Hope you find what
you are looking for and maybe some blessings you
weren't even expecting! *S* ~ I'm back out to
gardening - just checking in here during my lunch.
Yours because I'm His, your GYPSY, (Nina)
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From:
SheoWolf@aol.com
Subject: just a hello.
I couldn't sleep tonight and started wandering
around my favorite bookmarks. I thought I would stop
in to visit you. I started reading Eric's pages and
soon found the time had flown and the tears flowed.
Like I said, just wanted to say hi, no need to
answer.
take care, sheo
Hello again, dear One; How pleased
I am to hear from you that you were visiting. *s* ~
I also have nights when I need to roam. That was how
I first found you. Your site is so hauntingly lovely
and soulful. Sleep peacefully tonight,
Yours because I'm His, Your GYPSY, (Nina)
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From: Mado mado@direct-internet.net
Subject: Dear Friend...
I feel your pain and sorrow....my heart is with
you....after my painful break up I wrote a story
called: " Are Butterflies free? A Woman's
Story, I'm sending yyou a copy to do with what is
best God Bless and may your heart join the rest of
the healing souls...Mado x x
Hello Mado, ~ Your attachment wouldn't open for me.
Perhaps you could re-send it in the body of an
email? Which part of my site did you read? Since I
am primarily a grief support site which also
contains my experience of painful marriage ending as
well as the death of my son, three years later, I
wasn't sure which you are referring to... but
without reading the story - the title sounds like
you read and identified with the breakdown in 1993
(over husbands' infidelity). ~ Hope to hear from you
and have a chance to read your story.
Love and hugs, your gypsy, (Nina)
Subject: Trying
again!!!
Hope it worked!!! Please let me know if it did????? Mado
Dear Mado; Again, alas, the file wouldn't open. I
then went to your site hoping that you might have it
there, but didn't find it as I believe it is a
commercial, rather than a personal, site? If you
would just open your file, highlight the story, copy
and paste it directly into the body of your e-mail
to me, (instead of as an attachment) that would
work. I hope that you are doing well in your new
existence. Once we alter our course so drastically
an begin over again, it is like going to a whole
other world.... I hope that it will continue to be a
much better one than before. *s* Love and hugs 2
you,
Yours because I'm His, Your GYPSY, (Nina)
Hi Nina...Yes if you go
to my web-site you will be able to see it...if you
go to the English side.. then it says history of the
"butterfly picture" a hand will appear
..just click on it and you will see the story... www.comsearch-can.com/mado.htm
Hope you get to read it today.....Thanks, Much
Love.. Mado
Dear Mado; At last! I finally got
to read your story. It was lovely. Interesting to
note that we are both healers. I have a masters'
degree in Herbology and have been our local
"medicine woman" since 1979. In 1996, when
my son, Eric, was killed, I turned my business over
to my cousin and spend full time raising a
handicapped granddaughter. We still sell herbs and
people seek my advice... It is a blessing to be
chosen to help others to heal themselves and loved
ones... I don't know if you've been here, to this
section: http://www.user.shentel.net/nbaker/Creative.htm
The "Dear Mr Wolfe", Loves' Submission and
Fairytales, all three would likely be of interest to
you. *S* Now that I've read your allegory, perhaps
sometime you would like to share more about the
reality which it represents. *S* I appreciate your
patience in my failures to open your file. I wonder
why that is? Oh well - what matters is that I
finally did get to share it. *s*
Love, hugs and ~~~~waving "Bye" for now,
Yours because I'm His,
Your GYPSY, (Nina)
From: Mado <mado@direct-internet.net>
Subject: Your web page!!!
Youe web page touches
so much my pain...You asked me if I would speak
about the story behind the ARE BUTTERFLYS FREE, A
WOMAN STORY...... There is much grief...loss...
sadness... loneliness.... despair... guilt....
questions....loss of faith.... questionning God....
facing my own strength....my courage....never ending
tears....sometimes feeling good, sometimes feeling
not so alone...I feel I met a friend tonight while I
was travelling on your site... I felt we were
holding hands.... I would leave my body with a smile
too!!!! Thank you for being with me tonight...and
holding my hand....I will find the strength to make
it.... and SMILE one day!!! Love always Mado x x
Hello again, dear One; Yes, I believe, as you do,
that we have met and our souls held hands... I know
that it is romantic to speak of lovers holding
hands, but I have learned as I traveled through the
valley in the dark shadows of the death of my son,
Eric, that pain is as bonding as love and joy, in a
way. It improves our depth and capacity for joy. The
deeper the channel of/for feelings is carved within
our hearts by pain - the greater is the capacity we
have to hold and channel through us to others, love
and joy... When we share pain, we expand our
awareness of others who suffer, and through that, we
grow and heal with each other. There is a unity in
humankind in their mortal condition, which I
believe, is a foretaste of the same unity which we
will share in Eternity. How nice it is that you help
others to heal in both the physical and spirit
states... Love and hugs, Thank you, Mado
Yours because I'm His, your GYPSY, (Nina)
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(Anne asked
that I withhold her address}
Subject: Buffy
Hello...I was messing around and happened onto your
tribute. Bawled like a bereaved one myself. Getting
in gear for an inevitable loss of my own. I
appreciate the eloquence there. My condolences on
both your losses. Sincerely, Anne
Dear
Anne; Both of my losses were great because
the relationships were so wonderful to begin with.
So although it was/is painful to be left without
them physically present, they are still a part of me
even now. Thank you for sharing your feelings and
mine too. *s* Thank you also, for letting me know
you were visiting. Sorry to hear that you may be
nearing a loss of a loved one and/or companion too?
It is very difficult to part with pets (I'm thinking
that this is the impending loss you are facing,
since it is Buffy that you used for the subject in
writing to me). Our pets are more like children we
are bonded with. Now all people bond as intimately
as some. I think it has something to do with the
human soul and the persons' own willingness to love
<?> Love is vulnerability, and so I guess it
would be more accurate to say that it depends on
ones' willingness and capacity to be vulnerable.
N.E.Way.... I am sorry if that is about to happen in
your life. It is so difficult, and it is not often
recognized by others around us, just how great a
loss it can be. I hope that it will be a gentle
transition for you both, and that you will heal and
move on to give yourself again to loving another.
Love and hugs,
Yours because I'm His, your gypsy, (Nina)
 (two weeks
later) ~ Hi again. You answered my message a
few weeks ago, when I had written about your Buffy
page. I then looked around your site and learned
about Eric. I'd be lying if I said I knew what it
was like to lose a child. Eric and I shared
birthdays (me being a "few" years older).
I offer my condolenses on that note and will think
of you on July 1st. As for my impending loss, it
hasn't happened yet. My collie, Groovy, turned 13 in
March. Collies don't go far beyond that and the hot
summers are downright deadly! However, in January I
accidentally discovered that cannabis doggie treats
can give an old dog a new lease (or leash?) on life.
No more aspirin since that fateful day. She's been
much more mobile since then, markedly alert, and
almost always smiling. In other words, she's doing
great (for such an old, big dog). We're at that
stage where I check frequently to see if she's still
breathing. You said something about hoping Buffy
would simply expire, then you realized it wasn't
going to be that way, or something. Well, I remember
that now when I think the same thing about Groovy,
who currently seems to have all her parts in working
order. And I hope that one day she simply
"wakes up dead". My last canine tragedy
was in 1986, the dog who preceeded Miss Groovytunes.
That dog was 12 1/2 and met some trauma which
resulted in emergency euthansia at the vets on a
Saturday night. I'm going to keep your site.
Interesting stuff you have there. I'm new and dumber
than dog-doo about all things computer, but manage
to get around somewhat. It's okay if you wish to use
my comments for other guests to peruse. I ask only
that you identify me only by "Anne", okay?
Thanks.Again, my sympathy on the loss of your son
and your dog. Keep up the good humanitarian work.
Later, Anne
Hello again,
Anne; Nice to hear from you again and know more
about your life. That is quite interesting about the
cannabis treats.... It is a shame that it isn't used
more often for the medical benefits it has to offer
against a variety of ailments - particularly
Migraine headaches. I don't have those - but know of
people who do and are greatly helped by it.
Hmmmmmmm.... I'm trying to picture how you
accidentally discovered the benefits for your
collie! *grinning* Write anytime
you feel like it, always nice to hear from friends.
*S*
Yours because I'm His, love and hugs, your GYPSY,
(Nina)
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From: JUDY
JOHNSON judnana@earthlink.net
Subject: I know your grief and pain\
Just wandering around and found your site and read
your story . I lost my daughter in Aug. 96 in a car
accident and I know the feeling and shock you went
through as they told you about your loss and your
disbelief. My daughter lived in Florida and her
accident was so bad we were unable to see her again
and so we just received a box and they said
"Here is your daughter." Of course, it
didn't seem possible then and it still doesn't, even
as I kneel at her grave I can't believe it. Like I
said I know the pain and grief you are feeling and I
know that only my faith and belief is keeping me
going on, someday I will see her again.
God Bless you and Be with you judy
Date: Sun, 20 Jun 1999 06:55:54 -0800
Subject: Re: i know your grief and pain\
Dear Judy; Thank you for writing to me. I hope that
your visit blessed you and perhaps helped a bit to
heal the pain and uplift or strengthen you along
your way. I see that we share the heavy heartache of
not being able to say a last goodbye. That is such a
bittersweet comfort/pain. When I think of all the
other ways the death and parting could have happened
accompanied by witnessing our children suffer,
waiting in a hopeless hoping situation for a long or
short hospital vigil, or perhaps even having to make
that decision about "unplugging" a
brain-dead child while holding a still-warm hand and
looking upon them knowing that modern technology has
given you the excruciating responsibility to undo
their interference in the natural death long
prolonged for all. I search among the memories of
our time together without allowing the grief of
"The never-agains" to touch them. When
thoughts of the tragic loss come, I immediately
remember to give thanks for all the years and
experiences that we had together. I refuse death the
victory of replacing those memories with any of the
might-have-beens. I hope that you have found that
peace and acceptance, though I know all too well how
missing them overwhelms us at times. Especially all
the special days and dates.... I appreciate your sharing with me. Thank you again,
Love and compassionate hug and prayers for you, Judy
Yours because I'm His, your GYPSY, (Nina)
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Heather
at hezie@sympatico.ca
Re:re Timothy
Dear Nina, My
name is Heather and I am a mother who has lost a
child. My son Tim was 21 when he was killed in an
auto accident in December 2001.
It was a really badaccident, and the details
have been kept from me. I never want to know how bad
it really was, but I know that it involved a tree, a
ditch, and the other vehicle was a very large SUV.
It has taken a long time to stop thinking of some
things such as the gruesomeness of it all and that
how could such a gentle and shy person to die such a
violent way. I try to imagine what he is doing and
seeing in heaven.
He professed to be saved when he was young,
but he didn't show much fruit. However, he was very
kind and caring to others. He wouldn't even let me
swat a bug. I had to carry it outside. I have to
hope he is in heaven and enjoying his new life. It's
just that I didn't want to be the one to bury him.
Shouldn't it be the other way around? I ask
the same questions all the time. Does everyone have
a destined timeon this earth? Could things have been
done differently and he would still be here? I
cannot wait to see him again. I hope we can have
time to talk and walk together, and hug.......
Sudden death and the death of a child,
combined, is the worst kind of death and very tough
to make sense of. I hate the fact that we all have
free will and that Tim may have messed up.
Thanks for having this website.
God Bless you.
Heather
My
dear Heather, One
of my granddaughters is named Heather and it is my
favorite name. Not sure why, it just has a poetic
sound and feeling to it in my heart. When Eric was
killed, I never saw him either. We had had
conversations where we "philosophized"
about death and how we felt that we wished to be
remembered alive, not dead in a coffin, and
particularly not following a disfiguring death.... We had agreed to prevent that
and not view each other or allow others to do
that,but to think on the memories of living and
being together. It was originally my
request of
him.... and I meant it 100 percent! But - when that
terrible night came and I was the one called upon to
keep that faith.... it was terribly challenging!
HowI wanted with all of my being, to see his dear
face, stroke his soft beard and kiss him "goodbye"....
You just aren't prepared in such a situation.....
How glad I am, though, that I never
wavered... for if I had, for that brief physical
"goodbye" - I would have lived with that
broken promise for every moment of every day of my
life thereafter. I'm glad that your memories are
intact and not superceded by more
details of his
death... Later, when I was speaking with the
investigating officer of the accident, he
made such a
haunting and awful remark, he said "I have
pictures of your son that no mother should ever have
to see!" Can you imagine such a remark? I'll
never know the "why of it"....
but those words are forever emblazoned in my
mind.... Imagine ifI had actually seen that? I hope
that those police pictures have by now been
destroyed as well. I don't believe that it is right
that they even exist... Some things, though, we must simply
"let go of".... It took me a while to let
go of thinking of those pictures. And to forgive that
officer for the nightmares he caused thereafter.... I hear in your letter,
concern for your sons' eternal life and belonging to
God. You know, Heather, we don't
always see the "fruits" of Gods'
children... but we do know that He finishes what He
began and uses ALL, (not some) things for good.
Timothy, like Eric, is still touching lives
(particularly your own!). Eric, Timothy, and their
deaths, are what brought you and I together a few
days ago! Think of that! Although we won't ever see the whole
picture from ~here where we see things darkly, one
day we will see it all and understand it completely. In
a few days we will be celebrating Erics' 7th
birthday since he graduated from this life to
Paradise. We call April 1st, his Eternal-Life
birthday.... (anniversary of when he left this one
and entered there). But on his earthly birthday, we
celebrate and memorialize his earthly life
and the joys and beautiful/funny or whatever...
memories we each hold of him and share with each
other... I sometimes find comfort in knowing that
there were many things he was spared from having to
experience and that his journey home was completed so soon.
How could we not see the good in that as we continue
here and experience mans'
"inhumanities to man" and the ongoing
horrors of existence in a crumbling world and
earth-system of the planet? Thank
you for writing to me and sharing your mourning. It
always comforts me anew and brings a bit of joy when
I hear from another soul who has had to bear the
present-loss of a loved one - particularly a
child of their own.... knowing that Eric is still
touching lives and still reaching out to me through
you and the others.... and that because of him. We
share the pain and the empathy with each other and I
am blessed. I hope that you feel that also. Write any time you feel like
it, Heather. I hope that you will. Thank you
again.... Yours because I'm His,with
love, hugs and prayer from your gypsy, (Nina)
Dear
Nina, Thank you
for writing back to me and for having a web site to
help others. I
appreciate all that you had to say in your letter,
especially the part about our sons not going through
the nonsense of this world, with all the problems
and difficult decisions that life has to offer.
Sometimes I wonder if those problems were
purposely lifted for him. My son was a very gentle,
kind and naieve young man. He was so painfully shy
until he reached his late teens, and even then, he
preferred the company of one or two friends at a
time. It seems near the end of his life, he was with
more people than he was comfortable with, and I
wonder if that produced more anxiety for him. He was
a very anxious person. I now think that I should
have helped him by perhaps, getting him some medical
help for it. There are so many things that I see now
that I didn't see then. He had chest pains around
Christmas time and my husband thought it was
indigestion.- I think now, that he was probably
suffering from anxiety. I know that he wore his
heart on his sleeve and that he would go in his car
and cry about things that hurt him. (I found this
out later, through one of his friends.) He was a
really sweet, caring fellow. I know I am his mother,
but these traits cannot be argued by anyone. He was
very much loved by people for his gentle heart. ~ I
thank you for what you said about God
"finishing what He began and uses all." You offered much comfort in that message. I keep
thinking though, how does God use everything for
good? I do know that I had a feeling for about six
months to a year before Tim died. I kept thinking
that I hoped it wouldn't take a tragedy (death) in
my family to get my whole family on track with the
Lord. I thought that maybe it would be me that would
die early. I never realized that it would be my son.
I wonder sometimes why I had those thoughts.
Things haven't changed spiritually in my
family yet, but I keep praying. My husband and two
sons profess to be saved, but there is little fruit
with my sons. (Aaron 21 years, and Daniel 19 years.)
The boys insist they are saved and tell me not to
worry, but they are very weak. I remember telling
God that "Something good better come from
this," amongst my tears. I am
still waiting. We have tried to sell our house to
get closer to the college and jobs, and to get a new
start, as well as leave some bad memories behind.
The house just won't sell. It seems that nothing is
working out for us to make a new start. I keep
praying that God will give me patience and that I
don't want to do something that He doesn't want me
to do. I guess patience is the word.
IN the meantime, I thank you, once again, for
your love and concern for others.
I pray that you will not stop this venture
and that you will have some peace in these troubled
times. I hope we can see our sons again and that all
our questions will be answered.
~
Sincerely,
Heather
Hello again, dear
Heather; I
was glad to hear from you again.
I thought I would add you to my contacts-list
if you would like to receive things that I send out
(share-its).
This day,
I sent out an important mailing and decided
to add you to the list called `My Hearts Treasures'
(the name I chose for my mailing list).
Though I cannot count or even imagine how
many people have written to me through the web site
- I don't usually add them to my
"friends-list".
Now and then though,
it seems that some other mothers/fathers have
continued our writing to each other out of a bond
which forms between us.
I'm sending you a copy of todays' mailing and
you can let me know if you prefer to be on the list
or not...
Sometimes it's personal things
sometimes uplifting or informative...
---->
Sometimes I wonder if those problems were
purposely lifted for him.
^I know exactly what you mean.
It is such a healthy and strengthening thing
to do - concentrating on the positive aspects of any
situation.
Satan means things for evil,
but God uses them for good if we allow Him to
direct our thoughts,
feelings
and characters....
I don't know if you found your war through
the website to this prayer I wrote in 1993.
Where
Are You, Lord? You
may want to print it out and save it for those
"bad-days" which happen....
Even after 7 years,
I'll suddenly,
without any warning whatsoever,
be overwhelmed in a flood of that never-
ending pain which comes, unbidden,
from deep within.
I've learned to simply allow myself to feel
it as a natural event rather than try to avoid it.
On those days I simply allow myself to go
with it and find that there is always a bit more
healing.
I used to think that it would eventually
cease - but now I realize that it is just the
"what-is" of grief that will last through
this lifetime....
because the absence of that loved one will
never cease either....
Not until we join them and leave all the pain
behind us.... ---->I
now think that I should have helped him by perhaps,
getting<->
^All of
those "if-only" thoughts are as natural as
breathing... When
they come over you,
refute them,
knowing that old adage about
"hindsight"
being perfect - is basically a true
observation...
but we could never know about those choices
or chances being better!
They might also have made things worse!
We just cannot know.
What we DO know, though,
is that our sons were loved by us and even
more by God, and
they were/are His even more than they were ever
ours! We
were privileged to have them for all those years... We will be with them again.
---->I
wonder sometimes why I had those thoughts. ^Because such thoughts are always with us in
life.
The "I wonder what it is going to
take?" is as natural as breathing.
In a way,
I see it as a sign of faith and knowledge
that God is at work and with us always,
even unto the end, and that He is ever at work in us (if we allow Him to dwell
in us as our Lord and mentor through the Holy
Spirit) It isn't that HE creates the
situations/circumstances,
but terrible things do happen every moment of
every day.... and He is always there to turn it into
good through the consequences.
Sort of like having a problem spot in our
landscaping which leads us to make a beautiful
rock-garden out of what would otherwise be a
difficult and unsightly area...
beauty replacing ugliness or danger....
---->I
keep thinking though, how does God use everything
for good?
^I
remember a news-story I saw once which was so
horrible an event of child-abuse that I was utterly
physically sick for days.
I kept asking God,
"You saw what that parent was doing (put
a child into an electric-oven and turned it on)...
The picture which that report painted into my
mind was devastating and I couldn't even sleep. Then I saw that there was such power for good
which came from it because it prompted new laws and
organizations and awareness of all of us - of how it
would be better to err in reporting abuse than to
err in NOT reporting...
So many people changed because of that
horrible event.....
One child was horribly harmed,
but look how many others thereafter were
helped/saved!
Erics' accident caused many people to be
aware of the need to stop and remove debris which
could cause harm or death just as that roll of
insulation did on that night! I wonder how many such
accidents were avoided because of that one fatality?
We are all here to learn to love and care for
others, (and
ourselves also) - and to trust in Gods' goodness and
love being reproduced in mankind.....
-->insist
they are saved and tell me not to worry, but they
are very weak.
^Dear
Heather, know
that it is weakness and consequences of that
weakness or immaturity which develops our strength
and character.... Rejoice that they profess their salvation....
the works and evidence will follow...
trust God who is still at work in them!
---->It
seems that nothing is working out for us to make a
new start.
^Timing is
everything.... You really can't run away from anything to begin a new
start - it begins right where you are in the world
and in your heart.
The healing is of God and it comes when we
are able to see that He loves us and is with us
always - and that He will keep His word and His love
is boundless.
When you grieve,
He grieves with you.
When you can be right where you are and
search for whatever can be gleaned from the
circumstances and experiences - and forgive all and
love purely.... it won't really matter where you live. Perhaps you have some of that work to do before you
will be leaving there?
--->I keep
praying that God will give me patience
^Patience
develops as a natural partner to our trust in God
and His love. You
hear people lump faith and trust together when they
speak of our Lord- but they are by no means the same
thing.
Faith is to know that He exists and is our
Creator.... but
TRUST means that He loves us and will make all
things good - regardless of how terrible they seem
at the time.
When you look back over your shoulder and at
the darkness and storms - you will see rainbows and
beauty which came of every one of them. I'm a bit behind today and need to
get out.
Yesterday was my 60th birthday and we were
away with friends to celebrate it - so Todays'
little things are doubled and I need to get out
there and do some garden-tending! I hope that this doesn't sound preachy... and I hope
that something here will help you to see the
beautiful and the good in this day and in your life!
I care about you...
Yours because I'm His,
with love, hugs and prayer from your gypsy,
(Nina)
Dear Nina,
Thank you for adding me to your contact
list. Your letter back to me was so insightful
and produced some needed tears. I appreciate
all that you wrote in regards to my questions, and
the fact that you took the time to answer them.
I have so many questions, and I guess I will never
get the answers to all of them, so I continue to
press on with the knowledge that I am so fortunate
to be saved and that there is heaven waiting for me
some day. My friend said that it is better to
live in pain on this earth than when we leave this
earth. Heaven awaits!
Our house did sell. Now, we are looking
for another house, but have not been successful in
finding one in the right location and at the right
price. The
new owners take posession of our house on Aug. 28th.
I start back to work on Sept. 2. So, we rely
once again on the Lord to perform another miracle.
In the meantime, I am trying not to get worked up
about this move. My career is very high pressure, so I have to relax
now. ( I teach children with learning
disabilities, grades 2 through 6) I think of the
"lilies of the field." and how "God
watches over the sparrow," etc.
Thank you once again, Nina, for your website,
your kindess and for your concern for others.
I hope you've had time to do your gardening.
Sincerely, Heather
Dear Heather,
So nice to hear from you again and learn that
things are moving along in the
direction you wish to go. It must be
unnerving, though, to have to leave
before you find another home.... Where
will you stay? Will you have to store
your household things for a while?
----> I
have so many questions, and I guess I will never get
the answers to
^Not here,
you probably won't, but we are promised to see
all things when we go to our Eternal Home.
---->My
friend said that it is better to live in pain on
this earth than when we leave this earth.
Heaven awaits!
^I agree. Also, pain carves a
deeper channel in our hearts, for the rivers
of blessings and joys to flow through afterward.
Everything in life is relative to other things -
this is why we can't see in the dark....
So the greater the pain we have endured,
(do endure), the greater the relief we
experience when it eases and/or leaves, along
with realization of joy and peace in the aftermath.
----> I
teach children with learning disabilities, grades 2
through 6 ^What a
wonderful choice of investing yourself in life - to
enhance and facilitate the lives of others who need
such help. Brandi began school when she
was only 3! She was in the P.I.E.
program from birth! Without all of the
help we received in overcoming the effects of
brain-damage from withdrawal seizures at 24-hours
after her birthing, she would not likely even
be alive. At three, she graduated
the P.I.E. program and was accepted into the small
class of "Early Childhood Intervention"
which was also a great help in her overcoming
handicaps. With all of the help we
received, she began kindergarten right on
schedule with her peers and has been mainstreamed so
well with the ongoing helps she needs in some areas.
In fact, she has been on the honor roll
several times in the 7th grade now! (going
into 8) If a person didn't know Brandi has C.P.,
they wouldn't even notice that she is a bit
different in physical activities and limited
by the crampings which occur when physically
over-challenged by such activities as running or
even walking at times. It is
because of wonderful, loving people like you,
that we overcame and she is doing so well now!
Thank you for all the children whom you have touched
and will be touching in your profession!
What a wonderful contribution to others!
It takes a very special spirit to do this kind of
work.... You are a blessing! ~
We are enjoying our summer so very much this
year! I don't think I have ever seen one
as gentle and mild in my entire life!
We have already had stuffed peppers (Sunday) from
our plants. They were so sweet and
delicious - more so than any I have tasted befroe.
We've had much rain and no really blistering days of
heat - and the result is what appears to be,
so far, a thriving crop of extra-delicious
veggies! I
hope it continues through the remainder of the
summer so that we will have plenty of tomatoes for
canning.
Will keep you in prayer for the perfect home
and neighborhood to begin anew! Yours because I'm
His, with
love, hugs and prayer from your gypsy, (Nina)
<><
<>< ††† ><> ><>
From:
Reggita Ayesha gero_panucci@hotmail.com
Subject: PANSY PLANT
Dear, ~ I have just visited your page at http://www.user.shentel.net/nbaker/Spiritual/pansies.htm
I am very curious about PANSY FLOWER.... Do you have
any picture of the flower ???? IF you do, please I
would love to see it. Because I have never seen the
flower before. ~ thanks, reggi
Hello
Reggita; The page where you read the Pansey
analogy has pictures of Pansies at the top of page
before the text (in two places). I am sure that you
can find a wealth of pictures online also if you do
a search. They are lovely flowers, of the violet
family. There are many varieties of colors and sizes
from tiny little ones which grow wild and are called
"Johnny Jump-ups, to large Hybrids developed by
enthusiasts.
Yours because I'm His, your GYPSY, (Nina)
<><
<>< ††† ><> ><>
From: "nebo"
olegoat@suwanneevalley.net
Dear lady; I stumbled onto your pages after
receiving "The
Pastor's resume"
from a christian brother. Oh how I am blessed by the
love emanating from your pages. Thank you from the
bottom of my heart. Olegoat@suwanneevalley.net
R. Porter
Thank you "R", for taking time to write
and let me know that you were blessed in a visit
with me. I treasure every one of you who do! Hope
you will visit again - there is SOOOoo much to find
and the site is so large and of varied interests and
categories.
Yours because I'm His, your GYPSY, (Nina)
<><
<>< ††† ><> ><>
From: Apache74@webtv.net
Subject: poem
I just wanted to say it was very pretty and lovely.
Connie Frank
Thank you, Connie.
Yours because I'm His, your GYPSY, (Nina)
From: Apache74@webtv.net
Subject: Re: Just wanted to say that it is lovely
and peaceful.God bless you .
Hi Nina, I just wanted to say that
your home page is so nice. I went through different
areas of it, and found it interesting. Where are you
from? I`m from New York.
The beautiful
Shenandoah Valley of Virginia, Connie. The first
page of my site is a picture I took of the Blue
Ridge mountains all around me.
Yours because I'm His, Your GYPSY, (Nina)
<><
<>< ††† ><> ><>
From: CERABELL13@aol.com
Subject: reading fairytales
I just wanted to tell you how beautiful the writing
of Fairytales
was - it strikes
true in my heart. ~ Sarah
Subject: Re: reading fairytales
Thank you, Sarah. I am glad that you enjoyed it. It
is my own favorite of all my writings (secular). I
appreciate your taking time to share your response
with me.
Yours because I'm His, your GYPSY, (Nina)
<><
<>< ††† ><> ><>
From:
"judith bolmeyer" b42@ncweb.com
Date: Mon, 28 Jun 1999 15:48:36 -0700
Thank you for your pages of prayers, I did injoy
them and also your mountain view pictures . ~JB
Dear Judith; Thank you for letting
me know you enjoyed your visit.
Yours because I'm His, your GYPSY, (Nina)
<><
<>< ††† ><> ><>
From:
Mscteach66@aol.com
Subject: God's Blessing
God's blessing to you for this site of peace and
contentment. I'm sure everyone who visits gets
blessed in a special way and it is just what they
need for the moment. I hope you continue in this
wonderful work! There are so many bad things on the
internet, it is such a joy to find a very good and
worthwhile one! your friend in Christ, Marilyn
Dear
Marilyn; Thank you for writing and for the
encouragement of knowing that the work is
appreciated. It began as a tribute and memorial of
my son, Eric, and his writings. God, in His usual
way, (using all things for good), has used my pain
and the tragedy of Erics' death, for
"good" in the ministry which it has become
not only to others who are mourning or trying to
deal with their own grief or spiritual alienation -
but to do a surprising number and variety of works
as the site evolved into the many-faceted
experience/offering which it has become
now. Evil is far more publicized
than good in the world - perhaps because so many
people campaign against it and that activity
includes inadvertently publicizing the evil even
more. Better that than for it to remain unknown (and
also unchallenged) and prevailing upon innocents
freely. I have seen so much good being done in
uniting and using the connection to each other to
minister light in an ever more darkening world
around us. ~ I am happy that you were pleased and
blessed in visiting. I hope that you will return and
check out every avenue as it continues to grow.
Since you didn't mention Erics' section, I am not
sure if you went through that part. If not, please
make a note of his pages (which begin here: Erics'
Main Page ) Thank you again for writing to
me. God bless and keep you, Yours because I'm
His, your GYPSY, (Nina)
<><
<>< ††† ><> ><>
From:
"Vicky" victoriaw@erols.com
Subject: site
Dear Nina, I sit here, almost in tears, trying to
think of how I would feel if I lost the only son I
could ever have. There are no words to express my
feelings. I do know that we will all be together
again when the Lord deems fit. NO ONE soul is ever
gone, just changed. Write your book or a journal.
You do it so beautifully. This is for you. <she
sent "I'm Free" poem which is already here
in another guestbook archive> ~ God Bless
~ Vicky Weninger, a friend of Sandy's. Come
over to visit my site too. ~ God
Bless.
Hello Vicki; Thank you so much for
your words of empathy and comfort. I visited your
site and found that, like mine, it is large and
needs more time to visit. I will return on a rainy
day! *S* Right now, the weather is too perfect to
stay indoors long, I love to be out gardening and
soaking up all the greatness of His creation and my
little corner of it... I will leave a message in
your guestbook when I return and complete my visit.
Thanks again. Love and hugs,
Yours because I'm His, your GYPSY, (Nina)
|
My
best Friend!
Bob Beets