Date: Mon, 28 Jun 1999 19:38:13 EDT
Subject: Just some
This was so adorable! ~ Thanks for cheering me up!

You are most welcome! Hugs,
Yours because I'm His, Your gypsy, (Nina)

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Subject: my son......your son
Thank you so much for this see I, too lost a son.....and this Saturday is his birthday... as you so well know this is one of the hardest days and weeks before it to get through.... my sons' name was Alan....he was 27 when he fell from a ladder only to be left in a coma for a month ....he died NEW YEARS' morning 1992.....the pain never leaves nor subsides as you well know...may God bless you thoughts are with you .....we are the elect few who has buried children.....not it???

From one mother to another; Yes, I DO know what the `special days' mean in poignant memories. I now celebrate his `earthly graduation day' (April 1st) as his "Eternal life birthday"... and then his earthly birthday (July 1st) I cherish the fact that I had him for all those years between. Still, our mothers' arms are empty and we yearn for the feel of them, the sound of their voice, a warm embrace and contentment in their taking our hand on any occasion and holding on to each other.... Although losing a child is not what anyone would choose for themselves, in a way - it is nice to know that you never did leave them alone in the world to get along on their own without you. It's probably common to all who grieve loss of loved ones in their lives, to travel so many "not taken" roads in our lives and circumstances.... I find many blessings in knowing that Eric lived so well and that his dreams all came to be fulfilled. He was about 4 when he first asked if he could go to college. He loved to learn and he loved to write and he did those both with his whole being and left a legacy to all who knew and shared in his life. Thank you so much for writing and sharing with me. The time between his "two birthdays" is a very low time for me... with Mothers' Day and Easter falling in between..... We go on... but life is never again, `the same' - nor will it ever be.
Love and a hug from me to you,
Yours because I'm His, your GYPSY, (Nina)

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From: Julie Wright
Subject: Pansies
I came upon your website because I am looking for seeds or plants in unusual varieties of Pansies. However, the big surprise for me was that you love Pansies for exactly the same reason I do. I went through some very difficult trials last winter (not really over yet). I had occasion to plant a garden in October (which, of course is the wrong time of year). I chose Pansies as part of the planting because I knew they were resilient. As they struggled, froze, died back & re-grew through one of the coldest winters we've ever had, they came to symbolize my own struggle. Just when the weather finally warmed enough for them to bloom, rabbits & ground squirrels chewed them back down to the ground (how like our own lives!). But as my faith in my Heavenly Father restores me, I cared for the garden & with His help, the Pansies are again flourishing. It just so happens that In The Garden was my Great Grandmother's favorite song & one of mine as well. Thank you for a most enjoyable site.  
Julie Wright, Wrightwood, California
~ P. S. If you know where I can get unusual varieties of Pansies, let me know!

Hello Julie; Thank you for writing to me. *S* ~ Not sure where you are, geographically, but just in case you did not know, Fall is the time to plant Pansies, as they are a bi-annual plant. They grow strong during a Winters' time and then when they feel the touch of Spring, they fill out so beautifully and bloom in amazing splendor all summer and even through another winter sometimes. After all the Spring rains - they sometimes get too tall and rather spindly from rapid growth spurts. This is the time to cut them way back to give them a rest and allow them to grow more slowly in tune with the warmth and they will bloom all the rest of the summer with steady renewal. They are also kept strong by removing the flowers when they begin to die - before they go to seed and use up great energy in doing so. I let them seed themselves at the end of the season. Just thought I would share that with you in case you were not aware of their special needs as a species. The Lord has blessed me with beautiful Pansies. The sky blue ones are my favorite, I think - though I cherish every color! I hope that you find each plant to be "unusual" since it made its' way to you to spend its' life and beauty for your pleasure and spiritual enrichment.  ~ Love and hugs, 
Yours because I'm His, your GYPSY, (Nina)

Hi Nina, thank you for the information on Pansies. I didn't know any of that stuff about them. Between the rabbits & the ground squirrels, I have "accidentally done it right" as to pruning them, etc. When the rabbits first chewed them down the ground, I was devastated. As it turns out, they grew back even better because the "pruning" was actually good for them. I can't help but draw a parallel to how we are when we go through trials. We have to endure with faith and only afterwards are we able to look back and see how our lives were actually blessed. Your information explains why they are flourishing so. I have seeds for some "antique" shades that I thought it was too late to start. I will get busy & plant them in the starter trays & prepare for a new batch of pansy fun. I am in Southern California which normally has a long growing season, however I am in the mountains at 5500 ft. elevation at the edge of the Mojave desert, so I am in a really unique zone. Thanks again, Julie

You are certainly welcome, Julie. Anyone who draws the spiritual analogies of Gods' works and the beauty He creates in all things - will be blessed to give them their best TLC. *S* ~ Even the secular segment of mankind recognizes that pruning is the kindest cut. So the rabbits did yours for you! Pansies have few enemies except rabbits or other little nibblers... and beware of snails who love to eat the leaves too. If snails come (we had a bad year with them last year!) a little salt in the soil will help rid you of them. Rabbits are discouraged by a little dry blood-meal (from a garden supplier) sprinkled at the perimeters or your plantings. If you take any photos of your "antique" pansies when they bloom, please remember me and share them in e-mail? I am doing a photo album this year of the different ones I have now. My daughter and I are going to see how true the seeds will germinate in the next few years and then try to keep them and pass them on to future generations if possible. If we stay in touch - maybe we will have some sharing in the future. If you are still going through difficult times, maybe it would help to share. Did you visit all of my site? (Quite an accomplishment if you did! *G*) In the prayer section, you may like to keep a copy of the special prayer I wrote in 1993 when I was at the lowest time of my life and was so broken by circumstances and my husbands' infidelity that I lost my will to live altogether and had to be hospitalized in a Christian recovery program to heal and grow through that suicidal time. It was a great time of "pruning" and spiritual healing which brought me through the loss of my son three years later.... From that time, I have come to be what I am today - a useful instrument of comfort, healing and spiritual strength for others who follow paths I have traveled before them.... They also help me to continue to become stronger and blessed in being of use to our Lord. Here is the prayer....
Where Are You Lord Nice to hear from you again! *S*
Love and hugs, Yours because I'm His, Your GYPSY, (Nina)

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From: "John Brasfield"
Nina; found your site by accident looking for flowers. Only had a minute to visit. Will for sure be back. Have a good day in the Lord. John in Tennessee

Hello John; Thanks for the "quick-wave" as you passed through! *grinning* Hope you find what you are looking for and maybe some blessings you weren't even expecting! *S* ~ I'm back out to gardening - just checking in here during my lunch.
Yours because I'm His, your GYPSY, (Nina)

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Subject: just a hello.
I couldn't sleep tonight and started wandering around my favorite bookmarks. I thought I would stop in to visit you. I started reading Eric's pages and soon found the time had flown and the tears flowed. Like I said, just wanted to say hi, no need to answer.
take care, sheo

Hello again, dear One; How pleased I am to hear from you that you were visiting. *s* ~ I also have nights when I need to roam. That was how I first found you. Your site is so hauntingly lovely and soulful. Sleep peacefully tonight,
Yours because I'm His, Your GYPSY, (Nina)

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From: Mado
Subject: Dear Friend...
I feel your pain and heart is with you....after my painful break up I wrote a story called: " Are Butterflies free? A Woman's Story, I'm sending yyou a copy to do with what is best God Bless and may your heart join the rest of the healing souls...Mado x x

Hello Mado, ~ Your attachment wouldn't open for me. Perhaps you could re-send it in the body of an email? Which part of my site did you read? Since I am primarily a grief support site which also contains my experience of painful marriage ending as well as the death of my son, three years later, I wasn't sure which you are referring to... but without reading the story - the title sounds like you read and identified with the breakdown in 1993 (over husbands' infidelity). ~ Hope to hear from you and have a chance to read your story.
Love and hugs, your gypsy, (Nina)

Subject: Trying again!!!
Hope it worked!!! Please let me know if it did????? Mado

Dear Mado; Again, alas, the file wouldn't open. I then went to your site hoping that you might have it there, but didn't find it as I believe it is a commercial, rather than a personal, site? If you would just open your file, highlight the story, copy and paste it directly into the body of your e-mail to me, (instead of as an attachment) that would work. I hope that you are doing well in your new existence. Once we alter our course so drastically an begin over again, it is like going to a whole other world.... I hope that it will continue to be a much better one than before. *s* Love and hugs 2 you,
Yours because I'm His, Your GYPSY, (Nina)

Hi Nina...Yes if you go to my web-site you will be able to see it...if you go to the English side.. then it says history of the "butterfly picture" a hand will appear ..just click on it and you will see the story... Hope you get to read it today.....Thanks, Much Love.. Mado

Dear Mado; At last! I finally got to read your story. It was lovely. Interesting to note that we are both healers. I have a masters' degree in Herbology and have been our local "medicine woman" since 1979. In 1996, when my son, Eric, was killed, I turned my business over to my cousin and spend full time raising a handicapped granddaughter. We still sell herbs and people seek my advice... It is a blessing to be chosen to help others to heal themselves and loved ones... I don't know if you've been here, to this section:
The "Dear Mr Wolfe", Loves' Submission and Fairytales, all three would likely be of interest to you. *S* Now that I've read your allegory, perhaps sometime you would like to share more about the reality which it represents. *S* I appreciate your patience in my failures to open your file. I wonder why that is? Oh well - what matters is that I finally did get to share it. *s*
Love, hugs and ~~~~waving "Bye" for now,
Yours because I'm His,
Your GYPSY, (Nina)

From: Mado <>
Subject: Your web page!!!
Youe web page touches so much my pain...You asked me if I would speak about the story behind the ARE BUTTERFLYS FREE, A WOMAN STORY...... There is much grief...loss... sadness... loneliness.... despair... guilt.... questions....loss of faith.... questionning God.... facing my own courage....never ending tears....sometimes feeling good, sometimes feeling not so alone...I feel I met a friend tonight while I was travelling on your site... I felt we were holding hands.... I would leave my body with a smile too!!!! Thank you for being with me tonight...and holding my hand....I will find the strength to make it.... and SMILE one day!!! Love always Mado x x

Hello again, dear One; Yes, I believe, as you do, that we have met and our souls held hands... I know that it is romantic to speak of lovers holding hands, but I have learned as I traveled through the valley in the dark shadows of the death of my son, Eric, that pain is as bonding as love and joy, in a way. It improves our depth and capacity for joy. The deeper the channel of/for feelings is carved within our hearts by pain - the greater is the capacity we have to hold and channel through us to others, love and joy... When we share pain, we expand our awareness of others who suffer, and through that, we grow and heal with each other. There is a unity in humankind in their mortal condition, which I believe, is a foretaste of the same unity which we will share in Eternity. How nice it is that you help others to heal in both the physical and spirit states... Love and hugs, Thank you, Mado
Yours because I'm His, your GYPSY, (Nina)

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(Anne asked that I withhold her address}
Subject: Buffy
Hello...I was messing around and happened onto your tribute. Bawled like a bereaved one myself. Getting in gear for an inevitable loss of my own. I appreciate the eloquence there. My condolences on both your losses. Sincerely, Anne

Dear Anne; Both of my losses were great because the relationships were so wonderful to begin with. So although it was/is painful to be left without them physically present, they are still a part of me even now. Thank you for sharing your feelings and mine too. *s* Thank you also, for letting me know you were visiting. Sorry to hear that you may be nearing a loss of a loved one and/or companion too? It is very difficult to part with pets (I'm thinking that this is the impending loss you are facing, since it is Buffy that you used for the subject in writing to me). Our pets are more like children we are bonded with. Now all people bond as intimately as some. I think it has something to do with the human soul and the persons' own willingness to love <?> Love is vulnerability, and so I guess it would be more accurate to say that it depends on ones' willingness and capacity to be vulnerable. N.E.Way.... I am sorry if that is about to happen in your life. It is so difficult, and it is not often recognized by others around us, just how great a loss it can be. I hope that it will be a gentle transition for you both, and that you will heal and move on to give yourself again to loving another.   
Love and hugs, Yours because I'm His, your gypsy, (Nina)

(two weeks later)  ~ Hi again. You answered my message a few weeks ago, when I had written about your Buffy page. I then looked around your site and learned about Eric. I'd be lying if I said I knew what it was like to lose a child. Eric and I shared birthdays (me being a "few" years older). I offer my condolenses on that note and will think of you on July 1st. As for my impending loss, it hasn't happened yet. My collie, Groovy, turned 13 in March. Collies don't go far beyond that and the hot summers are downright deadly! However, in January I accidentally discovered that cannabis doggie treats can give an old dog a new lease (or leash?) on life. No more aspirin since that fateful day. She's been much more mobile since then, markedly alert, and almost always smiling. In other words, she's doing great (for such an old, big dog). We're at that stage where I check frequently to see if she's still breathing. You said something about hoping Buffy would simply expire, then you realized it wasn't going to be that way, or something. Well, I remember that now when I think the same thing about Groovy, who currently seems to have all her parts in working order. And I hope that one day she simply "wakes up dead". My last canine tragedy was in 1986, the dog who preceeded Miss Groovytunes. That dog was 12 1/2 and met some trauma which resulted in emergency euthansia at the vets on a Saturday night. I'm going to keep your site. Interesting stuff you have there. I'm new and dumber than dog-doo about all things computer, but manage to get around somewhat. It's okay if you wish to use my comments for other guests to peruse.  I ask only that you identify me only by "Anne", okay?    Thanks.Again, my sympathy on the loss of your son and your dog.  Keep up the good humanitarian work.
Later, Anne

Hello again, Anne; Nice to hear from you again and know more about your life. That is quite interesting about the cannabis treats.... It is a shame that it isn't used more often for the medical benefits it has to offer against a variety of ailments - particularly Migraine headaches. I don't have those - but know of people who do and are greatly helped by it. Hmmmmmmm.... I'm trying to picture how you accidentally discovered the benefits for your collie!    *grinning* Write anytime you feel like it, always nice to hear from friends. *S*
Yours because I'm His, love and hugs, your GYPSY, (Nina)

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Subject: I know your grief and pain\
Just wandering around and found your site and read your story . I lost my daughter in Aug. 96 in a car accident and I know the feeling and shock you went through as they told you about your loss and your disbelief. My daughter lived in Florida and her accident was so bad we were unable to see her again and so we just received a box and they said "Here is your daughter." Of course, it didn't seem possible then and it still doesn't, even as I kneel at her grave I can't believe it. Like I said I know the pain and grief you are feeling and I know that only my faith and belief is keeping me going on, someday I will see her again.
God Bless you and Be with you judy

Date: Sun, 20 Jun 1999 06:55:54 -0800
Subject: Re: i know your grief and pain\
Dear Judy; Thank you for writing to me. I hope that your visit blessed you and perhaps helped a bit to heal the pain and uplift or strengthen you along your way. I see that we share the heavy heartache of not being able to say a last goodbye. That is such a bittersweet comfort/pain. When I think of all the other ways the death and parting could have happened accompanied by witnessing our children suffer, waiting in a hopeless hoping situation for a long or short hospital vigil, or perhaps even having to make that decision about "unplugging" a brain-dead child while holding a still-warm hand and looking upon them knowing that modern technology has given you the excruciating responsibility to undo their interference in the natural death long prolonged for all. I search among the memories of our time together without allowing the grief of "The never-agains" to touch them. When thoughts of the tragic loss come, I immediately remember to give thanks for all the years and experiences that we had together. I refuse death the victory of replacing those memories with any of the might-have-beens. I hope that you have found that peace and acceptance, though I know all too well how missing them overwhelms us at times. Especially all the special days and dates....   I appreciate your sharing with me. Thank you again,
Love and compassionate hug and prayers for you, Judy
Yours because I'm His, your GYPSY, (Nina)

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Heather at
Re:re Timothy

Dear Nina, My name is Heather and I am a mother who has lost a child. My son Tim was 21 when he was killed in an auto accident in December 2001.   It was a really badaccident, and the details have been kept from me. I never want to know how bad it really was, but I know that it involved a tree, a ditch, and the other vehicle was a very large SUV. It has taken a long time to stop thinking of some things such as the gruesomeness of it all and that how could such a gentle and shy person to die such a violent way. I try to imagine what he is doing and seeing in heaven.   He professed to be saved when he was young, but he didn't show much fruit. However, he was very kind and caring to others. He wouldn't even let me swat a bug. I had to carry it outside. I have to hope he is in heaven and enjoying his new life. It's just that I didn't want to be the one to bury him.   Shouldn't it be the other way around? I ask the same questions all the time. Does everyone have a destined timeon this earth? Could things have been done differently and he would still be here? I cannot wait to see him again. I hope we can have time to talk and walk together, and hug.......      Sudden death and the death of a child, combined, is the worst kind of death and very tough to make sense of. I hate the fact that we all have free will and that Tim may have messed up.        Thanks for having this website.       God Bless you.    Heather

My dear Heather, One of my granddaughters is named Heather and it is my favorite name. Not sure why, it just has a poetic sound and feeling to it in my heart. When Eric was killed, I never saw him either. We had had conversations where we "philosophized" about death and how we felt that we wished to be remembered alive, not dead in a coffin, and particularly not following a disfiguring death.... We had agreed to prevent that and not view each other or allow others to do that,but to think on the memories of living and being together. It was originally my request of him.... and I meant it 100 percent! But - when that terrible night came and I was the one called upon to keep that faith.... it was terribly challenging! HowI wanted with all of my being, to see his dear face, stroke his soft beard and kiss him "goodbye".... You just aren't prepared in such a situation..... How glad I am, though, that I never wavered... for if I had, for that brief physical "goodbye" - I would have lived with that broken promise for every moment of every day of my life thereafter. I'm glad that your memories are intact and not superceded by more details of his death... Later, when I was speaking with the investigating officer of the accident, he made such a haunting and awful remark, he said "I have pictures of your son that no mother should ever have to see!" Can you imagine such a remark? I'll never know the "why of it".... but those words are forever emblazoned in my mind.... Imagine ifI had actually seen that? I hope that those police pictures have by now been destroyed as well. I don't believe that it is right that they even exist... Some things, though, we must simply "let go of".... It took me a while to let go of thinking of those pictures. And to forgive that officer for the nightmares he caused thereafter.... I hear in your letter, concern for your sons' eternal life and belonging to God. You know, Heather, we don't always see the "fruits" of Gods' children... but we do know that He finishes what He began and uses ALL, (not some) things for good. Timothy, like Eric, is still touching lives (particularly your own!). Eric, Timothy, and their deaths, are what brought you and I together a few days ago! Think of that! Although we won't ever see the whole picture from ~here where we see things darkly, one day we will see it all and understand it completely. In a few days we will be celebrating Erics' 7th birthday since he graduated from this life to Paradise. We call April 1st, his Eternal-Life birthday.... (anniversary of when he left this one and entered there). But on his earthly birthday, we celebrate and memorialize his earthly life and the joys and beautiful/funny or whatever... memories we each hold of him and share with each other... I sometimes find comfort in knowing that there were many things he was spared from having to experience and that his journey home was completed so soon. How could we not see the good in that as we continue here and experience mans' "inhumanities to man" and the ongoing horrors of existence in a crumbling world and earth-system of the planet? Thank you for writing to me and sharing your mourning. It always comforts me anew and brings a bit of joy when I hear from another soul who has had to bear the present-loss of a loved one - particularly a child of their own.... knowing that Eric is still touching lives and still reaching out to me through you and the others.... and that because of him. We share the pain and the empathy with each other and I am blessed. I hope that you feel that also. Write any time you feel like it, Heather. I hope that you will. Thank you again.... Yours because I'm His,with love, hugs and prayer from your gypsy, (Nina)

Dear Nina, Thank you for writing back to me and for having a web site to help others.  I appreciate all that you had to say in your letter, especially the part about our sons not going through the nonsense of this world, with all the problems and difficult decisions that life has to offer.   Sometimes I wonder if those problems were purposely lifted for him. My son was a very gentle, kind and naieve young man. He was so painfully shy until he reached his late teens, and even then, he preferred the company of one or two friends at a time. It seems near the end of his life, he was with more people than he was comfortable with, and I wonder if that produced more anxiety for him. He was a very anxious person. I now think that I should have helped him by perhaps, getting him some medical help for it. There are so many things that I see now that I didn't see then. He had chest pains around Christmas time and my husband thought it was indigestion.- I think now, that he was probably suffering from anxiety. I know that he wore his heart on his sleeve and that he would go in his car and cry about things that hurt him. (I found this out later, through one of his friends.) He was a really sweet, caring fellow. I know I am his mother, but these traits cannot be argued by anyone. He was very much loved by people for his gentle heart.   ~   I thank you for what you said about God "finishing what He began and uses all."   You offered much comfort in that message. I keep thinking though, how does God use everything for good? I do know that I had a feeling for about six months to a year before Tim died. I kept thinking that I hoped it wouldn't take a tragedy (death) in my family to get my whole family on track with the Lord. I thought that maybe it would be me that would die early. I never realized that it would be my son. I wonder sometimes why I had those thoughts.   Things haven't changed spiritually in my family yet, but I keep praying. My husband and two sons profess to be saved, but there is little fruit with my sons. (Aaron 21 years, and Daniel 19 years.) The boys insist they are saved and tell me not to worry, but they are very weak. I remember telling God that "Something good better come from this,"    amongst my tears. I am still waiting. We have tried to sell our house to get closer to the college and jobs, and to get a new start, as well as leave some bad memories behind. The house just won't sell. It seems that nothing is working out for us to make a new start. I keep praying that God will give me patience and that I don't want to do something that He doesn't want me to do. I guess patience is the word.   IN the meantime, I thank you, once again, for your love and concern for others.   I pray that you will not stop this venture and that you will have some peace in these troubled times. I hope we can see our sons again and that all our questions will be answered.    ~      Sincerely,  Heather

Hello againdear Heather; 
I was glad to hear from you again.   I thought I would add you to my contacts-list if you would like to receive things that I send out (share-its).   This day,  I sent out an important mailing and decided to add you to the list called `My Hearts Treasures' (the name I chose for my mailing list).   Though I cannot count or even imagine how many people have written to me through the web site - I don't usually add them to my  "friends-list".   Now and then though,  it seems that some other mothers/fathers have continued our writing to each other out of a bond which forms between us.    I'm sending you a copy of todays' mailing and you can let me know if you prefer to be on the list or not...   Sometimes it's personal things  sometimes uplifting or informative...  ---->        Sometimes I wonder if those problems were purposely lifted for him.   ^I know exactly what you mean.   It is such a healthy and strengthening thing to do - concentrating on the positive aspects of any situation.    Satan means things for evil,  but God uses them for good if we allow Him to direct our thoughts,  feelings  and characters....               I don't know if you found your war through the website to this prayer I wrote in 1993.   Where Are You, Lord?  You may want to print it out and save it for those "bad-days" which happen....    Even after 7 years,  I'll suddenly,  without any warning whatsoever,  be overwhelmed in a flood of that never- ending pain which comes, unbidden,  from deep within.   I've learned to simply allow myself to feel it as a natural event rather than try to avoid it.    On those days I simply allow myself to go with it and find that there is always a bit more healing.   I used to think that it would eventually cease - but now I realize that it is just the "what-is" of grief that will last through this lifetime....  because the absence of that loved one will never cease either....    Not until we join them and leave all the pain behind us....  ---->I now think that I should have helped him by perhaps, getting<->  ^All of those "if-only" thoughts are as natural as breathing...  When they come over you,  refute them,  knowing that old adage about "hindsight"  being perfect - is basically a true observation...  but we could never know about those choices or chances being better!  They might also have made things worse!   We just cannot know.   What we DO know, though,  is that our sons were loved by us and even more by God,  and they were/are His even more than they were ever ours!   We were privileged to have them for all those years...   We will be with them again.    ---->I wonder sometimes why I had those thoughts.    ^Because such thoughts are always with us in life.    The "I wonder what it is going to take?" is as natural as breathing.   In a way,  I see it as a sign of faith and knowledge that God is at work and with us always,  even unto the end,  and that He is ever at work in us (if we allow Him to dwell in us as our Lord and mentor through the Holy Spirit)     It isn't that HE creates the situations/circumstances,  but terrible things do happen every moment of every day.... and He is always there to turn it into good through the consequences.   Sort of like having a problem spot in our landscaping which leads us to make a beautiful rock-garden out of what would otherwise be a difficult and unsightly area...   beauty replacing ugliness or danger....  ---->I keep thinking though, how does God use everything for good?   ^I remember a news-story I saw once which was so horrible an event of child-abuse that I was utterly physically sick for days.   I kept asking God,  "You saw what that parent was doing (put a child into an electric-oven and turned it on)...    The picture which that report painted into my mind was devastating and I couldn't even sleep.    Then I saw that there was such power for good which came from it because it prompted new laws and organizations and awareness of all of us - of how it would be better to err in reporting abuse than to err in NOT reporting...    So many people changed because of that horrible event.....  One child was horribly harmed,  but look how many others thereafter were helped/saved!     Erics' accident caused many people to be aware of the need to stop and remove debris which could cause harm or death just as that roll of insulation did on that night! I wonder how many such accidents were avoided because of that one fatality?   We are all here to learn to love and care for others,  (and ourselves also) - and to trust in Gods' goodness and love being reproduced in mankind.....  -->insist they are saved and tell me not to worry, but they are very weak.   ^Dear Heather,  know that it is weakness and consequences of that weakness or immaturity which develops our strength and character....    Rejoice that they profess their salvation....  the works and evidence will follow...  trust God who is still at work in them!   ---->It seems that nothing is working out for us to make a new start.    ^Timing is everything....   You really can't run away from anything to begin a new start - it begins right where you are in the world and in your heart.   The healing is of God and it comes when we are able to see that He loves us and is with us always - and that He will keep His word and His love is boundless.   When you grieve,  He grieves with you.    When you can be right where you are and search for whatever can be gleaned from the circumstances and experiences - and forgive all and love purely....  it won't really matter where you live.   Perhaps you have some of that work to do before you will be leaving there?  --->I keep praying that God will give me patience    ^Patience develops as a natural partner to our trust in God and His love.  You hear people lump faith and trust together when they speak of our Lord- but they are by no means the same thing.    Faith is to know that He exists and is our Creator....  but TRUST means that He loves us and will make all things good - regardless of how terrible they seem at the time.   When you look back over your shoulder and at the darkness and storms - you will see rainbows and beauty which came of every one of them.      I'm a bit behind today and need to get out.   Yesterday was my 60th birthday and we were away with friends to celebrate it - so Todays' little things are doubled and I need to get out there and do some garden-tending!   I hope that this doesn't sound preachy... and I hope that something here will help you to see the beautiful and the good in this day and in your life!    I care about you...  Yours because I'm His,  with love, hugs and prayer from your gypsy,  (Nina)

Dear Nina
,  Thank  you for adding me to your contact list.  Your letter back to me was so insightful and produced some needed tears.  I appreciate all that you wrote in regards to my questions, and the fact that you took the time to answer them.  I have so many questions, and I guess I will never get the answers to all of them, so I continue to press on with the knowledge that I am so fortunate to be saved and that there is heaven waiting for me some day.  My friend said that it is better to live in pain on this earth than when we leave this earth.  Heaven awaits!  Our house did sell.  Now, we are looking for another house, but have not been successful in finding one in the right location and at the right price.   The new owners take posession of our house on Aug. 28th.  I start back to work on Sept. 2.  So, we rely once again on the Lord to perform another miracle.  In the meantime, I am trying not to get worked up about this move.   My career is very high pressure, so I have to relax now.  ( I teach children with learning disabilities, grades 2 through 6) I think of the "lilies of the field." and how "God watches over the sparrow," etc.      Thank you once again, Nina, for your website, your kindess and for your concern for others.  I hope you've had time to do your gardening.   Sincerely,    Heather

Dear Heather
,  So nice to hear from you again and learn that things are moving along in the
direction you wish to go.   It must be unnerving,  though,  to have to leave before you find another home....   Where will you stay?   Will you have to store your household things for a while?    
----> I have so many questions, and I guess I will never get the answers to  ^Not here,  you probably won't,  but we are promised to see all things when we go to our Eternal Home.   ---->My friend said that it is better to live in pain on this earth than when we leave this earth.  Heaven awaits!   ^I agree.  Also,  pain carves a deeper channel in our hearts,  for the rivers of blessings and joys to flow through afterward.    Everything in life is relative to other things - this is why we can't see in the dark....    So the greater the pain we have endured,   (do endure),  the greater the relief we experience when it eases and/or leaves,  along with realization of joy and peace in the aftermath.     ----> I teach children with learning disabilities, grades 2 through 6 ^What a wonderful choice of investing yourself in life - to enhance and facilitate the lives of others who need such help.   Brandi began school when she was only 3!   She was in the P.I.E. program from birth!   Without all of the help we received in overcoming the effects of brain-damage from withdrawal seizures at 24-hours after her birthing,  she would not likely even be alive.   At three,  she graduated the P.I.E. program and was accepted into the small class of "Early Childhood Intervention" which was also a great help in her overcoming handicaps.   With all of the help we received,  she began kindergarten right on schedule with her peers and has been mainstreamed so well with the ongoing helps she needs in some areas.    In fact,  she has been on the honor roll several times in the 7th grade now!  (going into 8) If a person didn't know Brandi has C.P.,  they wouldn't even notice that she is a bit different in physical  activities and limited by the crampings which occur when physically over-challenged by such activities as running or even walking at times.    It is because of wonderful, loving people like you,  that we overcame and she is doing so well now!  Thank you for all the children whom you have touched and will be touching in your profession!   What a wonderful contribution to others!   It takes a very special spirit to do this kind of work....   You are a blessing!      ~    We are enjoying our summer so very much this year!   I don't think I have ever seen one as gentle and mild in my entire life!    We have already had stuffed peppers (Sunday) from our plants.   They were so sweet and delicious - more so than any I have tasted befroe.  We've had much rain and no really blistering days of heat - and the result is what appears to be,  so far,  a thriving crop of extra-delicious veggies!  I hope it continues through the remainder of the summer so that we will have plenty of tomatoes for canning.    Will keep you in prayer for the perfect home and neighborhood to begin anew! Yours because I'm His,   with love, hugs and prayer from your gypsy,  (Nina)

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From: Reggita Ayesha
Dear, ~ I have just visited your page at
I am very curious about PANSY FLOWER.... Do you have any picture of the flower ???? IF you do, please I would love to see it. Because I have never seen the flower before. ~ thanks, reggi

Hello Reggita; The page where you read the Pansey analogy has pictures of Pansies at the top of page before the text (in two places). I am sure that you can find a wealth of pictures online also if you do a search. They are lovely flowers, of the violet family. There are many varieties of colors and sizes from tiny little ones which grow wild and are called "Johnny Jump-ups, to large Hybrids developed by enthusiasts.
Yours because I'm His, your GYPSY, (Nina)

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From: "nebo"  
Dear lady; I stumbled onto your pages after receiving
"The Pastor's resume" from a christian brother. Oh how I am blessed by the love emanating from your pages. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
R. Porter

Thank you "R", for taking time to write and let me know that you were blessed in a visit with me. I treasure every one of you who do! Hope you will visit again - there is SOOOoo much to find and the site is so large and of varied interests and categories.
Yours because I'm His, your GYPSY, (Nina)

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Subject: poem
I just wanted to say it was very pretty and lovely. Connie Frank

Thank you, Connie.
Yours because I'm His, your GYPSY, (Nina)

Subject: Re: Just wanted to say that it is lovely and peaceful.God bless you .
Hi Nina, I just wanted to say that your home page is so nice. I went through different areas of it, and found it interesting. Where are you from? I`m from New York.

The beautiful Shenandoah Valley of Virginia, Connie. The first page of my site is a picture I took of the Blue Ridge mountains all around me.
Yours because I'm His, Your GYPSY, (Nina)

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Subject: reading fairytales
I just wanted to tell you how beautiful the writing of
Fairytales was - it strikes true in my heart. ~ Sarah

Subject: Re: reading fairytales
Thank you, Sarah. I am glad that you enjoyed it. It is my own favorite of all my writings (secular). I appreciate your taking time to share your response with me.
Yours because I'm His, your GYPSY, (Nina)

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From: "judith bolmeyer"
Date: Mon, 28 Jun 1999 15:48:36 -0700
Thank you for your pages of prayers, I did injoy them and also your mountain view pictures . ~JB

Dear Judith; Thank you for letting me know you enjoyed your visit.
Yours because I'm His, your GYPSY, (Nina)

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Subject: God's Blessing
God's blessing to you for this site of peace and contentment. I'm sure everyone who visits gets blessed in a special way and it is just what they need for the moment. I hope you continue in this wonderful work! There are so many bad things on the internet, it is such a joy to find a very good and worthwhile one! your friend in Christ, Marilyn

Dear Marilyn; Thank you for writing and for the encouragement of knowing that the work is appreciated. It began as a tribute and memorial of my son, Eric, and his writings. God, in His usual way, (using all things for good), has used my pain and the tragedy of Erics' death, for "good" in the ministry which it has become not only to others who are mourning or trying to deal with their own grief or spiritual alienation - but to do a surprising number and variety of works as the site evolved into the many-faceted experience/offering which it has become now.    Evil is far more publicized than good in the world - perhaps because so many people campaign against it and that activity includes inadvertently publicizing the evil even more. Better that than for it to remain unknown (and also unchallenged) and prevailing upon innocents freely. I have seen so much good being done in uniting and using the connection to each other to minister light in an ever more darkening world around us. ~ I am happy that you were pleased and blessed in visiting. I hope that you will return and check out every avenue as it continues to grow. Since you didn't mention Erics' section, I am not sure if you went through that part. If not, please make a note of his pages (which begin here: Erics' Main Page ) Thank you again for writing to me. God bless and keep you,  Yours because I'm His, your GYPSY, (Nina)

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From: "Vicky"
Subject: site
Dear Nina, I sit here, almost in tears, trying to think of how I would feel if I lost the only son I could ever have. There are no words to express my feelings. I do know that we will all be together again when the Lord deems fit. NO ONE soul is ever gone, just changed. Write your book or a journal. You do it so beautifully. This is for you. <she sent "I'm Free" poem which is already here in another guestbook archive> ~ God Bless  ~  Vicky Weninger, a friend of Sandy's. Come over to visit my site too.    ~ God Bless.

Hello Vicki; Thank you so much for your words of empathy and comfort. I visited your site and found that, like mine, it is large and needs more time to visit. I will return on a rainy day! *S* Right now, the weather is too perfect to stay indoors long, I love to be out gardening and soaking up all the greatness of His creation and my little corner of it... I will leave a message in your guestbook when I return and complete my visit. Thanks again. Love and hugs,
Yours because I'm His, your GYPSY, (Nina)


The blue ribbon award above was sent to me by Nancy White..... (thank you, Nancy!) for the story behind it - CLICK on it or go to link below We all need to be sending them out! I've placed this one here for each of you! Please take yours along with you when you leave! *S*
With Love from, your GYPSY, (Nina)

My best Friend! 
From: "Leona L. Littlefield" <>
Subject: A Little Prayer


Lord, watch over your Nina this day
And prepare her for tomorrows' ordeal.
Guide the surgeons' hand along the way
And send Your Spirit to support and to heal.

I know, in Your love, You will see her through
To a healthier life with much less pain.
She lives, dear Father, each day for You,
Even when it is a physical strain.

Lend to her Your Presence and Peace,
And assure her that the pain will cease.
Help her along as her body heals,
And may Your touch be what she feels.

Snicki - You are such a precious angel, friend, sister, confidante' and mentor in my life! How blessed I am in, through and by you! Thank you....... I love you {{{{{{{Snicki-Lee}}}}}}}

From: Sharon Koliscz
Subject: Re: Nicholas
Dear Nina, Thank you for your kind, gentle message. You soothed a weary heart. I am grateful for your prayers for Nicholas. He is a remarkable human being and I am ever grateful for him. May God bless you for intervening on Nick's behalf. ~ Sharon

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"R Baker"
Subject: Firebird
It brought tears to my eyes and soul as I know it must have you. There isn't much I can say except that you did one terrific job of accomplishing the message that each one who ignores such things is in someway responsible. I too hope that anyone who sees this will feel the burden to do something about it. Such a damned waste. Such a damned waste.

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*S* My surgery has gone very well and I am on the mend as as you can see.... back with the page already! Thank you all so much for prayer and support in this time and always! *RVBS!*

* Notice *
I apologize for any entries which may be missing from this guestbook over the last two week period? My server has had intermittent problems which has resulted in some loss of messages. If you have been in contact and did not receive a reply from me - please resend... for I respond to all mail without exception. Thank you.... Nina

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Subject: Eric's Homepage
Dear Mrs. Baker. Hello. I am a new staff writer with the Iron Blade Newspaper at Ferrum College. May I have your permission to write a story on your well-done website and run some excepts from the website? It is very professional. Please email me at or    Please grant me permission to use your website for a story. Thank you for your time and patience!
Sincerely, Bridget Gallagher, Iron Blade Staff Writer

Hello Bridget; What a pleasure to be in touch with you.... Erics' college and also the Iron Blade, are most dear to me... for he blossomed and thrived so there! He achieved so much of what he loved to do and be while there - and that is of great comfort to me in the wake of his transcendence of course you may use anything you like from the site - it is primarily Erics' memorial and when finished, will contain all of his writings and more information about him.   Sometimes I take a break from it - as I still have times of being overwhelmed with the grief and despair of the loss of such a beloved son who had so much to offer and was so well equipped to offer it to the world and community around him. Perhaps it will bring about some additional tributes to him from those who knew or have been effected by his life or his writings.... That would be a beautiful and comforting thing for me. If you find the time, I would be pleased to have a copy of the paper in which it is printed? (Also - if you would send an e-mail form of just your article, it would be easier for me to add it as well to the site? Please let me know if there is anything more you would like or need from me. I hope that you are not at school this weekend, Bridget? Thanksgiving is such a wonderful family time! I do hope that you are with yours to enjoy it together.
Yours because I'm His, Your GYPSY, (Nina)

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From: kenneth henry
Subject: Prayer - I have been surfing the net this thanksgiving morning and I discovered your definition of prayer. It is beautiful and in keeping with my personal beliefs. I just want to thank you for lighting your candle and not hiding it!  It was a blessing to me this day. ~ Ken Henry

Dear Kenneth; Thank you for your affirmation. I am always glad to receive such strokes... aren't we all? *smiling* Hope that your holiday was a blessed and fulfilling day.... Yours because I'm His.... Your GYPSY, (Nina)

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From: Frank King
Subject: Prayer Request
Dear Sister in Christ: My name is Frank and I have 5 children. The oldest, Shane is 14 years old. He is a foster child that comes from a horrible background. He came to live with us seven months ago and alot of the anger inside him has dispersed, however he has always mocked our love of the Lord. He has a lot of physical problem from a disease called Freidrich's Ataxia, these problem include a very weak heart. This week we have been told by the doctors that they can't do anything more for him and he will probably not live until Christmas. Today he prayed with me in his hospital bed to have Jesus come into his heart. This is something I have been praying for since he came to us. Now I'm sending out this letter to as many brothers and sisters in Christ that I can find on the Net. to ask for your prayer for healing upon my son. Please pray for him!!   ~   Your brother in Christ. Frank King

My dear Brother in Christ, Frank; You can be sure that I and others will be praying fervently for you and for your son! It sounds as if the "prayers of a righteous man" have already availed much! It was beautiful to see that your son now belongs to Him! *S* I rejoice with you in this... not only for his deliverance - but for the peace of mind that you and your family as well as your son now have!   We are given His children but for a while before we all return to Him and will be together forever there. Please let me know how Shane is doing, will you?   And the rest of you (your family) too, Frank. I care. I really do!
Yours because I'm His Your GYPSY, (Nina)

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From: Tim & Sharon
Subject: Eric
Eric has been published! God granted this even though it was done after Erics death. The impact is beyound words, as even in death his words are forever embedded in the hearts of those that have shared his hopes & dreams, for they came to pass, inspiring and everlasting. ~ Your friend in Christ, Tim

Thank you Tim; It is so kind of you to take the time to stop and send me a message of comfort and caring. I thank our God for every one of my brothers and sisters who are ministering to me and we all minister to each other. Thank you for visiting our site. I hope that you will explore all the different ~rooms~ of our home there! ~ Your GYPSY, (Nina)

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Subject: Nina
I have been reading your website... I am so sorry you lost your son Eric. What a horrible thing to have had happen to your family. I am going back to read some more... I just wanted to offer my condolences.
Sue: ~ Kingdom Writers Administrator

Thank you Sue. The site has been so very healing for me because of the compassion and caring from people like yourself... and because of the hand of God using it all and helping me to feel that it wasn't (and isn't) all in vain....
Your GYPSY, (Nina)

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From: albert briones
Subject: Our Father in Heaven
Your page says to leave a line or two. I just wanted to express my love for our father in heaven. God is great isn't he. Then I have a question for you--- The bible says that if you ask for anything in his name it will be given to you. And if he abides in you and so does his words, then he will give you the desires of your heart. Do you think that this is true? I ask this because of a prayer that I have been praying for for some time and I'm just wondering of God will someday answer it. May God Bless you Always, Tommy G. Yamasaki

Yes, Tommy.... Every word of the Bible is true, and every promise made by God is kept. When He said that He would give us the desires of our heart - what I personally believe He is saying is this.... When He abides in us and we allow Him sovereign dominion over us, we become His entirely, and those desires of our heart are for those things that He imparts a hunger and thirst in us for. In other words, Tommy, He gives us the DESIRE itself, for what we will be most benefited to have. The Desire itself, not the object of a wish, but the wish itself. Remember what He has said to us,
"Be still and know that I am God." That calls us to have peace and trust in His being with us and for us all the time even unto the end. Yours because I'm His, Your GYPSY, (Nina)

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From: (Director)
Subject: A caring thought: ~ Just a thought to let you know that I often think of you in London. I have been where you are as I lost a young son. He died in the US and we brought him home to be where my family are buried for generations. I felt the wind on my face in the old cemetary and it seemed like a loving touch from him, which I found strangely comforting. Now, years later when I am alone I sometimes feel the same touch and I think he's saying "Hi Mom". I wish you peace and believe me one day you will wake up and even smile again. It's not that we forget but somehow we manage the pain better.
With love and prayers for you and your family. Meg Joyce

Dear Meg; (I have loved that name since reading Little Women!) Thank you for your sharing with me. About the breeze at the cemetery - I REALLY know exactly what you mean about that feeling. I feel that now when we go to that special place where Erics' ashes were scattered (as will be my own and several others in our family!). It feels like `Home' there now.... And it feels so free to know that he is a part of it all. I'm not sure if I know you in chat? Do I? But what matters anyway, is that we truly do know each other in spirit and emotions... I am awed by the path prepared before me in all this, having come to be a part of such a wonderful cyber-family of love and support! I attribute the wind beneath my wings first to my God, and next, to my `cyber-family' here more than anything else. Love and appreciation; Your GYPSY, (Nina)

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Subject: Prayer From:
I am in need of prayer. At some point in my life, someone or some people placed a spell on my life with $500.00. The spell took away all of the good things that were to happen in my life and kept me cast with bad luck. I believe that God can cure all things and He can remove this evil spell from me. Please pray for me and with me. Sincerely, ~ Gwen

Gwen; ~
1John 4:4
Ye are of God, little children, and have overcome them: because greater is He that is in you than he that is in the world.
2Timothy 1:7 For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.
Yours because I'm His, Your GYPSY, (Nina)

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Bob Beets Subject: Re: Hope
Nina, Hope you have found patience a close friend, by now. Sounds like you have been trusted with another difficult task!??? I read where, Pain reduces us to a primary level, the level of dependence on our God. While we stretch out full length on Him, everything within us that is useless and abrasive is simply melted away. Those who were hard and harsh are humbled in Him. Those once proud and self-sufficient are drawn to their knees. Suffering reveals our creature status. We are not all-wise or infinite in strength. But God is. And we need Him - we were created to need Him. Desperately. Sometimes it takes coming to the end of ourselves to see that. God knows. We need to take everything we were, everything we are and everything we've ever hoped to be and simply place it all in the nail-scarred hands of our loving Lord. And lean hard upon Hiw Word. (Swindoll) ~ I'm believing God for a "Great Day" for you! -Later, Bob-

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~ To all my Brothers and Sisters in Christ:
I shared all your wonderful prayers with Shane. Since I wrote you last week Shane's condition has improved greatly. Praise his Holy name! Please continue to pray for healing and spiritual growth for Shane and I know God's mercy will be upon him. Frank King R.N.
Chilliwack B.C., Canada

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Nina: May God bless you richly, pressed down, shaken together and running over.....! May you and your family reap the bounty you so richly deserve for planting the seeds that God has given to each of us. I truly believe the Internet is Gods' way of spreading the Good News round the world. For once EVERYONE knows of Jesus' salvation, then He will tarry no more! HE IS COMING SOON!! Believe it, for the Bible says so! God Bless all of you and remember to keep praising HIM, for He so loved us He gave His only Son, Jesus Christ, so that we may live eternally in Heaven!!! Blessings, Laurie Weiss

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This is from a very special, very dear friend from my earliest days of chat at 50+, We have been cyber roommates ~before and after ~ (though I seldom chat these days - ICQ keeps me "hopping" in communicating!!! *giggle*)

From: John Naron
Dear Nina, Well you have captured me again. Every time I go to your pages I'm in awe of the Love, feelings of beauty, and the music. Never in my life has anyone captured my interest as you have. The way you show the depth of your entire soul. The way you tell of birth and death, the hurts and joys of life is amazing. You are quite a woman. I read your story of Buffys' last days and I cried at the love you showed for her. You're so full of love that no one can help but love you to death. Your feelings run so deep into your soul and yet you have the art to bring them out for all people to cherish. This will not be the last, by any means, of the comments I have about you or your work. I fell in love, as I knew I would, with Brandi when she sang "Jesus Loves Me". God Bless all little children.
I'll let you go now as I look at your beautiful face and hear your lovely words may God alway bless you my dear.... John

My Dear, dear John; *Blush* Your message makes me feel like a teenager in High school! You are so very special and expressive yourself - and if Texas weren't already the friendship state - YOU would certainly qualify it all by yourself, my dear Dear John!!!! {{{{{{{John}}}}}}}! What a sweet guy! I am blessed to call you, and be called BY you - "My Friend"!!! Your E-Mail, which I just read, overwhelmed me - and I will lay down now and go to sleep feeling so cherished! Thank you "WELDOR!" With Love in Christ, Your GYPSY, (Nina)

To see our 1997 HOLIDAY message - Click here!

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