My face in the mirror isn't wrinkled or drawn;
My house isn't dirty, the cobwebs are gone.
My garden looks lovely, and so does my lawn;
I think I might never put my glasses back on!

Don't let anyone tell you you're getting old.
Squash their toes with your rocker.

The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.

Some people try to turn back their odometers.
Not me.
I want people to know why I look like this.
I have traveled a long way.
And some of the roads were not paved.

Spring is here and so am I, But at my age I wonder why
If nature can be born anew, why can't I be recycled too?
<Les Lutz.>

When you are disatisfied and would like to go back to youth,
think of Algebra.
<Gene Yasena>

I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to the top.

The golden years are really the metallic years.
Gold in the teeth, silver in the hair, and (most of all) lead in the pants.

The years teach much The days never know.
<Ralph Waldo Emerson>

Some lives, like evening primroses,
blossom most beautifully in the evening of life.
<C.E. Cowman>

One must wait until evening to see how splendid the day has been.
<Sopholes>

Being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.
< Marie von Ebner-Eschenbach (1905)>

If you don't learn to laugh at trouble,
you won't have anything to laugh at when you are old.
<Ed Howe>

I try to take one day at a time
but sometimes several days attack me at once.

I am at the age where my back goes out a lot more than I do.
<Phyllis Diller>

Seeing 5 gentlemen!

I am seeing five gentleman these days! As soon as I wake up,
Will Power helps me get out of bed. Then I go see John. After that Charley Horse comes along and he takes a lot of my time and attention. When he finally leaves, Arthur Ritus shows up and stays the rest of the day. (He doesn't like to stay in one place for very long, so he goes from joint to joint just taking me along.)
After such a busy day, I am tired and really delighted to go to bed with Ben Gay!

The seven ages of man are spills, drills,thrills, bills, ills, pills, and wills.

Old Age will be Golden....

Old age will be Golden, I've heard it said
But sometimes I wonder as I get into bed
Will my ears be in the drawer and my teeth in a cup?
Will my eyes be on the table until I wake up?
When I was young, my slippers were red
I could kick my heels right over my head
Now I'm older, my slippers are blue
But I still can dance the whole night through
As I grow older my slippers are black
I'll walk to the store and puff my way back
I'll get up each morning and dust of my wits
And pick up the paper and read the 'obits'
If my name is still missing I know I'm not dead
So I'll have a good breakfast and go back to bed.

One of the many things no one tells you about aging is
that it is such a nice change from being young.
<D. Fisher>

TRAVEL IN PAIRS

A travel agent looked up from his desk to see an old lady and an old gentleman peering in the shop window at the posters showing the glamorous destinations around the world.
The agent had had a good week and the dejected couple looking in the window gave him a rare feeling of generosity. He called them into his shop: "I know that on your pension you could never hope to have a holiday, so I am sending you off to a fabulous resort at my expense, and I won't take no for an answer". He took them inside and asked his secretary to write two flight tickets and book a room in a five star hotel.
They, as can be expected, gladly accepted, and were off!
About a month later the little old lady came in to his shop. "And how did you like your holiday?" he asked eagerly. "The flight was exciting and the room was lovely," she said. "I've come to thank you. But, one thing puzzled me. Who was that old guy I had to share the room with?"

Life would be infinitely happier if we could only
beborn at the age of 80 and gradually approach 18.
<Mark Twain>

Two old women were sitting on a bench waiting for their bus. The buses were running late, and a lot of time passed. Finally, one woman turned to the other and said, "You know, I've been sitting here so long, my butt fell asleep!". The other woman turned to her and said "I know! I heard it snoring!"

INTERVIEW

A reporter was interviewing a decrepit, wizened up, wrinkled man of clearly advanced age. She wondered if he adhered to any special diet. "Oh, yeah," said the man, "I drink two quarts of beer and a pint of whisky daily, and smoke at least two big black Cuban cigars. My favorite food is french fries and gravy."
"Amazing!" she exclaimed, " How old did you say you were?"
"Thirty-two."