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I wrote this one night, (in
the summer of 1998)
unable to sleep, when a small child of a family in
our
church congregation was killed in a playground
accident.
I'd received many calls and inquiries about what to
say
or do... And that night I wrote the following to be
read
at church on the next day..... 
I pray that
fathers, siblings, other family members and
friends
will not feel offended by omission or think that
these words are
intended to imply that their own pain is overlooked
or considered
of any lesser importance. A childs' passing is a
great loss to each
person in their own unique way and relationship. It
is the mother,
though, that all seem to have the most difficulty in
reaching out to.
I remember..... Also,
since I, myself, am a mother who, like Julie,
went through this.
It is only that perspective that I can most clearly
share with you.
I am relating what I know of the experience
primarily because
many of you have been calling and asking of me, what
you can
do in the aftermath of the tragic accident which so
suddenly took
the life of our congregational familys' little
4 year old Brett .....
On
that first night that a mothers' child is dead......
(and for
countless other nights throughout the rest of
her life)
she longs to hold the cold and lifeless body in her
arms,
close to her as if to warm it and bring life once
again
to the body which formed and grew within her own
flesh
It
is the beginning of a never-ending ache of emptiness
that only that one child could ever fill
again.....
yet, never will.
The
shape of that spirit, like a missing puzzle-piece,
stays empty and a part of her forevermore in her
mortal lifetime.... A whisper of
mourning and memories
which will never be stilled.
Only
the mother..... and she alone,
who felt that exquisite first fluttering of new life
taking on its' physical form and movement.....
Only she can feel the stone coldness that
comes
within her when she knows that it has ceased
its'
earthly existence forever.
Every
mother has the incomparable privilege
of feeling the first beginning of a life in that
way.
I
thank God that every mother does not have to
feel the equally incomparable...... utter cold
and
stillness when that physical life of her child
ends.....
Those
of you who know and care about such a
mother - hurt for her, and with her. Of
course.
But none can know........ or imagine to know.....
that overwhelmingly terrible, heavy ache of
emptiness which comes and will never, ever
leave......
Just
warm her as best you can.... From the
outside,
with your love, your caring and your compassion.....
Reach out, if you will, and give those to
her....
she needs the warmth so very much....
For
the death of a mothers' child is the
Coldest, Emptiest
feeling
that Anyone.....
Anywhere.....
Any time.....
will ever know.
I
know that you are wondering....
What can I do?
What can I say?
How can I help?
Is there anything at all.....?
I
want you to know that there are no words.
None at all.
You need not seek any.
What
there is, ..... is You. There is your caring.
Share it. Please. That is what you can give to
her.
It is what she needs most of all. You only
have to
reach out your arms...... and, speaking silently,
but oh, so loudly, in your embrace, you will
be
heard and felt....... and that sharing will be a
part of
the strength and healing she needs at this time.
AMEN
Written by
Nina Roberta Baker,
for Julie Cooper and Brett, June 28, 1998
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