WHAT WAS IT LIKE?

------------------

What did you see

what did you hear

In that quarter second

was there time to fear?

In those moments just after

your heart stopped its' beating

and all your young life

and functions then fleeting...

Your brain stunned by the impact

Did it say no more?

Or did you have a last thought

At Eternities' door?

Oh, the thoughts that I had

As the words we all dread

Came from lips of a stranger....

"Your loved one is dead"

Already? I screamed....

It just cannot be!

Too soon, too soon

"It should have been me!"

For I had given thought

time and time again

To when you would face

My own lifes' end.

I'd made all those plans

To comfort you, my son

When My life on earth

with you was done

Experiences and memories

deposited carefully with love

That you then could draw from

When I'd gone on home above

Now painful reminders

That for me, have new meaning

As their value wanes, and

My heart is left keening

An afghan lovingly knitted

A quilt, so cozy and warm

All of your special belongings

from your room at the Dorm

Your most cherished possession

Now twisted fiberglass and steel

Where the last clasp of your hands

Gripped that broken steering wheel!

Standing naked in a junkyard

Starkly bare, torn and bent

I cannot bear to look upon it

Depicting , that last event

Tragic horror on display

Blood upon seats and floor

Writing one last message...

"You will see Eric no more..."

I see you each day, though

and every night too

I carry you with me

In all that I do

Knowing how you felt

Remembering what you said

Your words come again

Now that you are dead...

"If I should have to die young

I want to die in my Firebird"

A thought born of three other times

When you called and gave me word

That a careless driving stranger

Through no fault of your own

Had plowed themselves into you

Hurting vehicle, flesh and bone

This time it wasn't you that called

Word didn't come by phone

Two men came here to tell me

Words I shouldn't hear alone....

I still fight the "If only" thoughts

Of what you might have done

After years of work and sacrifice

Your rewards had just begun

Whatever your assignment

Appointed by our Creator

Must have been accomplished

We'll be reunited later

And yet it is not over....

For you've still left your mark

On each and every life you touched

A brilliance now grown dark...

Whatever we do ,

Wherever we may go

In losing you, Eric,

We all had to grow

Because you were taken

Life became something new

For some, much more precious

I wish for me, that were true

But for me, my dear son

I just want it to end

It's so lonely without you

My soulmate and friend

I know I must go on

I love others and I see

It would be worse for them

To lose BOTH you and me

But it all seems so pointless

So painful and bleak

I give it all my very best

And each day I seek

A foothold, for first steps

Toward horizons unseen

A journey lies before me

Like a cinemascope screen

Right now, I don't see it

Life seems bleak and grey

But I know that I must

Go on day by day

How tragic that (for us)

There was no last embrace

No last words were spoken,

Eye to eye, face to face

Now examining our lives

I search for a clue

So hungry to know,

What it all meant to you

Did you bless me or curse me?

For your life here on earth

Was it all mere survival?

Or did you see its' worth?

Now you know our Father !

Mis-represented so, here

Feel peace, my son. and know at last

That to Him you are so dear!

You searched in vain,

Among mortal men....

And now have found,

What you wanted then

Acceptance, love,

Integrity and trust...

Instead of Power,

Greed and lust

Life has a way of breaking men

With temptations, trials and fires

Caught within the snares of...

Sin.... ambition... and carnal desires

You always saw right through it all

And had a greater view

Of what had worth and value and

Was right or wrong to do.....

Would you have fallen into them too?

lost your rare, and unique design?

Or were you sent to just briefly stay

Inspiring others to clearly define

Making their own ~ better choices ~

As they go on to live their lives

Becoming better people, Futures'

Families..... husbands and wives

I don't see the finished painting

Being created right now

But I know the Artist composing it

And before His work, I bow

Sometimes the `bowing down'

Of meekness and of trust

Breaks my will, and my heart too

Yet, I know, bow down, I must....

SO I will keep on trying

When I only want to cease,

And through our Father' guidance

I will, someday, find peace.....

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